FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
Happy Bert?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 13:54, 70 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Never

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 13:58, Reply)

Don't we know it

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 13:59, Reply)

I need to feel loved

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:01, Reply)

alright then
bend over
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:07, Reply)

*bends*
Be gentle
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:08, Reply)

B3taback Mountain!!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:11, Reply)

Monkeysex Mounting, more like
hahahahahahahahahaha

*dies a little*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:13, Reply)

Mine's better

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:15, Reply)

No, mountains are better
you could easily get lost in a mine.

Somebody stop me, I'm so shit
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:17, Reply)

I've been to a salt mine and some ice caves
I didn't get lost but I saw a big ice blob that looked like an actual elephant. And a girl slipped and banged her head and went all weird.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:18, Reply)

She tried to hump the icelephant?
EDIT wait, it was you!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:26, Reply)

Was it fuck

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:31, Reply)

Icelephant humper!

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:32, Reply)

I've got a photo of it somewhere
I wonder if it's still an elephant or if it's morphed into something else.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:34, Reply)

You're over-enthusiatic rubbing up against it
combined with your hot juices dripping all over it have probably whittled it down to nothing more than a nub
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:44, Reply)

I thought 'guffaw' was just a word they used in the Beano
But I just did it. EYE ARE ELL
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:51, Reply)

Haha
I love guffaw and chortle, Dennis and Desperate Dan were my only friends when I was little*


*25
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:53, Reply)

Mine too
And Mandy and Judy and Bunty and Suzy
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 15:15, Reply)

Wimp

( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 13:59, Reply)

Yeah
but what are you going to do about it?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:02, Reply)

punch you in the face
You bender
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:04, Reply)

hahaha

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:06, Reply)

Daddy....?

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:08, Reply)

You'd better believe it son
They let me out early for good behaviour...

*takes off belt and flexes it menacingly*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:12, Reply)

Cor
it's going to be just like old times
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:13, Reply)

I'll be your Daddy
You naughty, naughty little boy x
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:15, Reply)

You can all be my Dad
Three Men and a Bertie
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:17, Reply)

Fackin right it is, my lad
*draws curtains*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:15, Reply)

I'll fetch the butter

( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:18, Reply)

Take turns?
Or all at once?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:19, Reply)

Half a mo - steady on chaps
I had more of a savage Dickensian beating in mind, rather than buggery, if it's all the same with you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:22, Reply)

Dickensian buggery's fine by me
I'll fetch me top hat
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:24, Reply)

t l
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:22, Reply)

Cor
Just cor.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:15, Reply)

Hyugen!
Reply fixer
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:19, Reply)

Something for Bert
I currently do have rather long, girly hair. I've decided not to cut it, so that when the pics from the Manc Bash go up, you'll find that I actually fulfil one of your insults, rendering it useless.

You'll have to come up with something new!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:27, Reply)

Oh shut up, girl hair
You're not impressing anyone.

EDIT Just so you know, I'm only messing. I secretly love you, and all your shit
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:28, Reply)

I'm glad
Although this hair is so long it's starting to seriously piss me off now, it keeps going in my eyes!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:33, Reply)

Get a haircut then, you fucking whiney little hippie tosspot

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:34, Reply)

DON'T
short hair is gay. Lemmy has long hair. QED.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:46, Reply)

Quantum electrodynamics?

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:47, Reply)

Yup
It's scientific proof that long hair is hard and cool and tough.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:50, Reply)

Isn't
it makes men look like women with beards
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:51, Reply)

men with long hair get less sex than those with shorter hair
evidence: I had long hair, I never got any sex. I cut my hair, I got sex.

that's fucking QED
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:53, Reply)

It was nothing to do with your hair though
it's just that as you've gotten older women's standards have dropped
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:56, Reply)

I've got the opposite problem.
15 years I had short hair and had no problems getting any. Now my hair is long no-one will touch me.
( girlinthehole, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 15:08, Reply)

I'll touch you
women with short hair turn me off, it ruined Susan Kennedy
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 15:10, Reply)

This statement is true.
I had a mate who grew his hair for about 6 years because he was a dirty rocker. Then he decided to get it cut for no real reason and the chicks they came a runnin' for the shaggin'. True story.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 23 Oct 2009, 15:10, Reply)

I can't wait for the book of this story to come out
I hear they're making a film of it called 'The Reverse-Samson of Rock and Sex'
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 15:14, Reply)

this is exactly what happened to me
however I was also fat. I was still fat when I had short hair though, and that didn't stop me getting some action.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 15:26, Reply)

Same applies for him
He was a little on the chunky side too... well, until he found coke, then we parted ways.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 23 Oct 2009, 15:35, Reply)

at uni I started the smoke-yourself-thin diet
it's been ongoing. I'm actually officially within the normal weight for my height category now. I feel like I've been so successful I should write my memoirs.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 15:36, Reply)

It's nonsense
I've had both a grade 'O' skinhead and long hair in my day, and I definitely get more laydeez with a mane. In truth, it's not an area in which I've struggled terribly over the years - unlike pretty much everything else...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 15:28, Reply)

maybe it's a London-centric thing
although my last GF was from the South Coast.

Maybe I'm just HOT TO DEATH.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 15:29, Reply)

I think this is the case
or that ladies don't like a skinhead
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 15:30, Reply)

*puts up hand*
I like a skinhead! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 23 Oct 2009, 15:36, Reply)

*shakes head*
whatever are we going to do with you. you need reprogramming
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 15:37, Reply)

Meh
Maybe you're the one that needs reprogramming!?

I should probably point out that at my work today we are having a MacMillan Coffee Day so there has been lots of cakes and coffee around the place... I've probably consumed, oh I dunno ONE MILLION CAKES... so I'm a little bit buzzy at the mo!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 23 Oct 2009, 15:43, Reply)

that seems unlikely
mmm, cakes. there's been no cake here today. there were biscuits earlier, but they were from a shitty biscuit selection.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 15:47, Reply)

Aww no cakes for you! :(
Everyone has been eating the cheese straws I made - I am all different kinds of ace!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 23 Oct 2009, 15:53, Reply)

I want cheese straws
damn the bakeries for closing at 3
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 15:56, Reply)

Aww
No cheese straws for you. :(
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 23 Oct 2009, 16:00, Reply)

man...
cheese straws...why couldn't you have come and found me like you were planning to yesterday and brought cheese straws...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 15:56, Reply)

I didn't have them yesterday when I was looking for you
I made them in the evening whilst dancing around my kitchen to AC/DC.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 23 Oct 2009, 16:01, Reply)

rock definitely helps cooking
the radio in my kitchen is permanently on planet rock. unless U2 are on.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 16:02, Reply)

I agree
I have a few dodgy CDs full of crazy music to cook to. I mainly listen to SOAD, AC/DC, Audioslave and Wolfmother when I'm cooking! :D

If I'm washing the dishes I listen to Fall Out Boy... EMOOOOO!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 23 Oct 2009, 16:05, Reply)

excellent selection there
I approve. maybe don't need to be completely reprogrammed.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 16:09, Reply)

Huzah!

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 23 Oct 2009, 16:29, Reply)

*high fives*
*trigger fingers*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 16:30, Reply)

I have a skinhead
But thats because I'm Nazi filth!

Actually, it's because I'm balding and if I don't shave it at least every 2 weeks its becomes very obvious (and the grey starts to show)
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 15:39, Reply)