At lunchtime I attended a leaving do for a friend I used to work with
She told me that the highlight of her twenty-year planning career was the week I started working with her.

What awful, despicable, atrocious, terrible IRL lies have you been told recently?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 14:47, 44 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Do you mean apart from the qotw lies?

( girlinthehole, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 14:48, Reply)

Yes
I want IRL lies
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 14:51, Reply)

Sorry, no can do.
I only lie on the internet.
( girlinthehole, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 14:56, Reply)

Then lie about real life lies
e.g. BGB once told me she was a lesbian
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 14:57, Reply)

Oh! lies I'VE BEEN TOLD.
Only the usual.


Yes, I'll respect you in the morning gets bandied about a bit.
( girlinthehole, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:09, Reply)

Ah....
I'd definitely respect you in the morning. Most likely because you would have broken my pelvis
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:16, Reply)

It's more likely I'd break your face.

( girlinthehole, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:28, Reply)

Fine by me
I like a bit of facerape now and then
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:35, Reply)

On of my students told me they couldn't do their work as they had no online access until yesterday.
I checked the logs and they've accessed the web site at various times over the past fortnight.
FAIL. Literally.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 14:59, Reply)

Silly students, didn't realise they had Norn Irn Magnum PI on the case

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:02, Reply)

I have the 'tache and everything.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:04, Reply)

Do you have a Higgins?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:07, Reply)

An ex colleague:
regarding the urban myth about daddy long legs having the most deadly poison but no method of administering said poison.

He claimed to have collected daddy long legs and filled a pint glass with the critters, whenst he devoured said contents.
(TheColonel, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:19, Reply)

"Sorry my phone's not working"

(PsychoChomp, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:25, Reply)

Haha
That's probably the only lie I tell. 'I did reply to your text, didn't you get it?'.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:27, Reply)

Snakes with tits the lot of you.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:29, Reply)

"I've just found this in my outbox...
God you must think I'm really rude!"
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:30, Reply)

Haha
Exhunctly, you're good!! :)
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:30, Reply)

I need to be on my toes
with you around!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:37, Reply)

Indeed
I am highly crafty!

*shifty eyes*
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:38, Reply)

In my mind you just looked like Rum Baa Baa
from Henry's Cat
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:40, Reply)

Ahhh
Henry's Cat, I loved that as a kiddie.

'Henry, Henry, you must know Henry's cat'
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:42, Reply)

But where was Henry when all this Jelly-related nonsense was taking place
and why the hell didn't he give his cat a name? Hmm?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:43, Reply)

Hehe
WE WANT ANSWERS!!

I also liked James the Cat, he was cool too! :)
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:45, Reply)

I almost cry when I picture James and his amiable face
The lazy little rogue...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:47, Reply)

I'd never heard of him
I only liked mouse cartoons; Dangermouse, Mighty Mouse, Angel Mouse, Fun Mouse, Man about the Mouse, Mouse Doctors, Mouse with the Wind, Mouse and the Argonauts, Mouserman, Mouserdale, Mouse or No Deal.

All the good stuff
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:48, Reply)

Hehe
You forgot FingerMouse!

You should Google James the Cat and have a butchers at his pathetic face!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:54, Reply)

I did
it looks like a total girl cartoon
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 16:00, Reply)

Hehe
It was a bit, it was quite lame!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 27 Oct 2009, 16:01, Reply)

Because of my daughter
I get to watch loads of girly cartoons now, they're awesome
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 16:03, Reply)

Mousie and the Magic Torch
Followed by The Mousivans
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:55, Reply)

Beautiful
But I did prefer the instrumental 'meowing' theme-tune.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:44, Reply)

Hahaha
Brilliant
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:45, Reply)

Yup
Although I have only ever used that lie on female friends that just want to moan at me about their men. So nur!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:30, Reply)

"I kissed a girl, and I liked it"

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:29, Reply)

Wotcha
How's the hair?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:31, Reply)

Flapping nicely
Curling nicely as well.
Damn, it looks good in the breeze from the hand-drier.
How's your own?
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:54, Reply)

Luxuriant as ever, dear boy

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 16:28, Reply)

You've never kissed a girl?
Poor thing
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:36, Reply)

Heavens, no!
Girls are icky and girly and into girly things, and besides, they make my willy do strange things.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:55, Reply)

how about
'I need to do some washing and my machine's broken. Can I borrow your key? I promise I won't snoop around in your private stuff, go through your shredder and piece together your last phone bill, and try to get into your laptop'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:33, Reply)

Oh yeah
That's a good one!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:34, Reply)

I think the real lie here was actually
'No, honest. I'm not a mental, really I'm not. Sure, sometimes I roll around in faeces I pull from the sewers near your house, but I'm not mad, not really. At least that's what the doctor said, but I was on alot of medication, so I could be wrong. BIG FAT FUCKING HAIRY WIBBLE'
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:42, Reply)

I concur
that was basically the subtext to it all. I'm still freaked out.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 16:29, Reply)