Anyone watch the Restaurant last night?
did you see the stupid bint trying to open a coconut and a tin of condensed milk with a massive knife and a rolling pin?

I'd have wet myself laughing if she'd chopped her fingers off.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 9:55, 30 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

I'd have wet myself if the knife had slipped and stabbed you.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 9:57, Reply)

so would I
with fear as it would mean that my tv was some kind of portal
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 9:58, Reply)

It could be
My tv is a portal to Angela Lansbury
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 10:05, Reply)

*twilight zones*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 10:05, Reply)

Incontinence isn't something to be laughed at
So don't take the piss
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 9:59, Reply)

Haha
Bert uses Tena Gent.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 10:06, Reply)

Does such a thing exist?
Because no matter how much I shake my pecker after a piddle, I still end up with yellow stains on my Y-Fronts
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 10:07, Reply)

Use breast pads
Your jebend looks like a nipple anyway
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 10:10, Reply)

=C

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 10:13, Reply)

The trick is to get a cotton bud
and ram it down your japs eye after a good shake to soak up those last couple of drips.

Or, bandage your cock to your groin pointing upwards so it can't drip.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 10:11, Reply)

Maybe I could keep one up there
and change it every few hours
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 10:14, Reply)

that sounds like the voice of experience

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 10:14, Reply)

That sounds like your old man fingers were muffled by croissant crumbs as they fumbled at the keyboard

(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 10:17, Reply)

You two must be awfully close if you can hear each other

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 10:19, Reply)

we are
and not just in terms of physical proximity. we're BFF
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 10:57, Reply)

Oh bugger
I didn't realise it started last night! I love that programme, its highly entertaining!

I love how everyone has such a romantic dream of running a restaurant. They see themselves sashaying around the place, laughing with customers and racking in all the cash… idiots!

You always get some twat a day in to the compo crying in a corner snivelling ‘its hard work isn’t it’ – Durrrr.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 30 Oct 2009, 10:19, Reply)

We taped it you nana.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 10:21, Reply)

YAY!
I didn't know that you whore banana!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 30 Oct 2009, 10:22, Reply)

Awwwww you guys are so sweet!
I can't wait to watch you bickering like five year olds when you move!
(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 10:27, Reply)

Thanks
Hahaha so you're properly coming to help/watch us bicker!?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 30 Oct 2009, 10:32, Reply)

Yeah, i've got my special wanking pants ironed and everything.
Becky was thinking about coming too I think, I'll find out if she still is.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 10:34, Reply)

Aww you do care!
*hides all the underwear and sharp objects*
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 30 Oct 2009, 10:36, Reply)

Flim will bicker.
I, however, will be a zen, calming influence. Nothing at all will rile me.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 10:37, Reply)

I'm going to make a point of belittling you in front of her the entire day
until you finally snap and say a rude word to me. Then I will look shocked and upset, drop whatever I'm carrying at the time and just walk off.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 10:40, Reply)

Hehe
Your mother will be there remember... I don't think you'll be 'zen' for long
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 30 Oct 2009, 10:41, Reply)

This gets better and better!
When we moved a drunk old man staggered down the road outside our flat and fell over a wall and we had to call an ambulance. It was a very trying day.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 10:46, Reply)

Haha
Maybe he was coming along to welcome you to your new home, he had some booze for you but got thirsty on the way and drank it... or maybe he was just a crazy drunk!?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 30 Oct 2009, 10:49, Reply)

Sadly I think he was just a crazy drunk.
The ambulance service aren't terribly helpful I have to say. I told them a drunk old man was lying on the street bleeding and they said "will he still be there, I don't want to send an ambulance if he's going to move" then they told me to put pressure on the wound at which point I explained that there was no way in hell I was going to get some rancid drunks blood all over me and my mum took the phone off me and talked to them instead.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 10:52, Reply)

haha
it was bert
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 10:56, Reply)

Haha
Bless
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 30 Oct 2009, 10:57, Reply)