DIY surgery and first aid
We've just been having a disscussion in the office about where exactly do you insert the old biro barrel during an emergency trachioctomy thingy. We have come to the conclussion that between the top of the breast bone and bottom of the larynx is the place to go.

Am I likely to be a hero, or just end up with a very inconvienient pen holder if I try this?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 15:42, 44 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

You may save their life but they wont be able to talk.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 15:43, Reply)

This might not be a bad thing
Hurry up, he's turning blue.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 15:45, Reply)

You do it very close to the adams apple, to avoid the muscles below.
www.tracheostomy.com/resources/surgery/emergency.htm
(PsychoChomp, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 15:46, Reply)

That website is creepy

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 15:51, Reply)

I've seen worse.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 15:53, Reply)

nasty business right there
still, now I know what to do in case...etc etc
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 15:55, Reply)

Nothing can wrong then

People stupid enough to require tracheotomys(sp?) don't deserve to be able to talk.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 15:45, Reply)

You'd be a
bad-ass doctor
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 11 Nov 2009, 15:48, Reply)

Maybe he should specialise in somthing other than proctology then.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 15:49, Reply)

Badum tish
Yous a funneh guy!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 11 Nov 2009, 15:51, Reply)

He should specialise in urology, he's always taking the piss
etc.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 15:55, Reply)

^^^^IF I WAS BANNED THEN YOU WOULDN'T GET THIS SORT OF COMEDY GOLD WOULD YOU????

(PsychoChomp, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 15:51, Reply)

Comedy Gold?
You are the two Ronnies AICMFP
( girlinthehole, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 15:53, Reply)

*gazzes cr3*

( thealternativefact, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 15:54, Reply)

Ummm errrr
I'm tellin'
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 11 Nov 2009, 15:56, Reply)

Nope
SAVE CHOMPY!!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 11 Nov 2009, 15:56, Reply)

You can be one of my cheerleaders.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 15:59, Reply)

*waves pompoms*
Give me a C, give me a H, give me an OMPY!!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 11 Nov 2009, 16:07, Reply)

:(
why doesn't this sort of thing happen off the internet.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 16:11, Reply)

If you lived in London
I would take a days holiday from work and follow you around cheering and chanting CHOMPY CHOMPY CHOMPY!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 11 Nov 2009, 16:16, Reply)

Lies on /qotw

(PsychoChomp, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 16:17, Reply)

Well you'll never know will you
*puts down pompoms*
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 11 Nov 2009, 16:19, Reply)

I think I'd probably go a bit mad if you followed me round all day,
I think an hour would be more than enough.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 16:19, Reply)

Fair enough
Are you suggesting that I am annoying mr?

*hand poised over gaz to cr3*
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 11 Nov 2009, 16:23, Reply)

I think that if anyone was going to follow me around repeating a name I use on a website dressed as a cheerleader.
It would drive me nuts. It's nothing personal no offence.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 16:26, Reply)

Hmmmmm
O-kay...

*moves hand away from gaz... for now*
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 11 Nov 2009, 16:27, Reply)

be sure to bookmark this post
to use as evidence against me at a later date.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 16:34, Reply)

Already done
:D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 11 Nov 2009, 16:38, Reply)

biro penis
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 15:45, Reply)

Where's Ed when you need him?
Oh, that's right. Away for a while.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 11 Nov 2009, 15:46, Reply)

Away you say?
Is he not yomping his way to the South Pole and saving fair damsels as we speak?

No?

Oh, of course...he's inside.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 16:31, Reply)

Mwahahaha

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 11 Nov 2009, 16:39, Reply)

You put him there didn't you?
You gazzed cr3 and had him put away.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 16:49, Reply)

*looks at feet*
Hmmm... maybeeee

What are ya gonna do about it copper?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 11 Nov 2009, 16:52, Reply)

I'm going to tell Chompy
and then he'll do something Very Bad*.






*has no idea what this might be
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 17:06, Reply)

Maybe he'll follow me around
all day dressed as a cheerleader shouting FLIM FLAM FLIM FLAM... I hope this happens! :)
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 11 Nov 2009, 17:12, Reply)

I think I'd pay to see that
especially if it involved sequins.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 17:30, Reply)

inside your gaz inbox

(TheColonel, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 16:45, Reply)

Oh yes indeed
Female - check
In possession of boobage - check
Loony attractor in place - check

*Ding*

Ed right in your gaz box
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 16:48, Reply)

Ah that explains why I got gazzed by him too
I knew he was a liar straightaway. He told me he rode a motorbike but failed to name what particular brand of bike he had in his possession when I asked for more details.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 11 Nov 2009, 16:54, Reply)

I never got a gaz from him and everyone thought I was a girl...
I'm a bit miffed.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 16:59, Reply)

Awww
Maybe with your new found fame he'll gaz you once he is out of prison?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 11 Nov 2009, 17:03, Reply)

You never know
he might want you for his bitch.

Especially if he threatens to go to the big boys.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 17:04, Reply)

He's much more placid now
The thrashing about has stopped, so I think I'll give it try.

Thanks for all your help B3ta.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 15:52, Reply)