I got into trouble at the baby clinic the other day
for making an 'inappropriate comment'.
When I was changing my (7 week old) son's nappy, he started giggling and babbling away as usual, and I said it was odd how happy he was when he was having his bum wiped - 'he'd be a paedophile's dream' said I, jokingly. Health visitor sucked in a huge breath of air, nearly choking herself, and said that wasn't really an appropriate thing to say.

I think I may (justifiably) be on her shit-list now.

In my defence, I have a poor sense of humour; spend too much time on b3ta; and he is my son - wouldn't say it about anyone else's child! Oh, and it was A JOKE.

Have you said anything hugely inappropriate recently?
( ascorbate, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 10:27, 104 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

fuck the health visitor
it was a joke. people need to lighten the hell up.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 10:28, Reply)

Tru Dat
Next time she comes round, cover him in chocolate and refuse to let her clean him up and act all shifty.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 10:31, Reply)

Hahahaha just spat my tea into my keyboard

( Peej, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 11:15, Reply)

Hahah that is pretty sick!
But he's your son, not hers, and she can shut the fuck up.
She talks to dolls at night.

How is lil O-lee-verr anyway?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 10:30, Reply)

he's fine
surviving on very little sleep, unlike his mother :-)
( ascorbate, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 10:38, Reply)

You made a joke about paedophile's in a baby clinic?
Are you mental?
(PsychoChomp, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 10:33, Reply)

You made a mental health joke on OT
*gazzes mods*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 10:34, Reply)

You gazzed the Mods
*flames*
(Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 10:35, Reply)

Er, Al...
You're ablaze there, son...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 10:36, Reply)

*throws bucket of water over al*
There you go! :)
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 19 Nov 2009, 11:22, Reply)

I've had 2 hours sleep a night
for 9 nights now. so, yes, a little bit mental
( ascorbate, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 10:38, Reply)

Wooooo!
Is the baby demanding boobies every time he wakes up?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 10:41, Reply)

yup
he gets them too.
( ascorbate, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 10:47, Reply)

Damn, I wish I was a baby

(Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 10:49, Reply)

where's Bert
He fucking has.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 10:37, Reply)

Haha!
You daft bugger.

The world isn't ready for us to come out into the open yet.
( girlinthehole, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 10:38, Reply)

And we all want to know but forgot to ask.
Were you cut or did you tear? *laughs*
( girlinthehole, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 10:41, Reply)

*bokes*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 10:42, Reply)

both
his head is on the 97th percentile for diameter *proud/sore mother*
( ascorbate, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 10:45, Reply)

Speaking as someone who has had stitches where the sun don't shine.
You have my sympathy.
( girlinthehole, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 10:57, Reply)

This whole subthread has made me cross my legs and shudder
and I don't even have a vagina...
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 11:06, Reply)

Yes you do

(Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 11:12, Reply)

Oh, so I do!
Honestly, I'd forget my own penis if it wasn't strapped on...
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 11:13, Reply)

it took me a while to even manage that
and i'm still sitting down a little gingerly.
( ascorbate, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 11:15, Reply)

Do you want to borrow this one?
(!)
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 11:17, Reply)

Do animals rip?

Or have they managed to produce offspring that actually fit through their mimsies?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 11:18, Reply)

It's the one drawback to being bipedal
Walking upright meant we had to evolve differently-shaped pelvises which don't bend and stretch as much as they do in a quadruped. As a result, births became more painful and more risky. Combine this with our increasingly rich diets, which help foetuses to reach larger sizes before they make a bid for freedom, and you'll be screaming blue murder at natural selection when you're in labour.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 11:24, Reply)

Also
our brains are much larger in propotion to the bodies than other creatures. The thing that makes us better at adapting to survive than other animals also makes us much more likely to die as we are being born, or at least kill our mothers.

Nature is wonderfully ironic. More so that Alanis Morrisette.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 11:27, Reply)

Although supposedly
our average brain size (at least in our early years) was smaller than that of Neanderthal man. So ladies, if you think it's bad squeezing a miniature homo sapiens out of your pipes, be thankful you're not harbouring something with a mahoosive brain and eyebrows that shelter its toes from the rain*.

*_{Eyebrow bit may not be applicable to chav mothers}
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 11:34, Reply)

She has a fundamental lack of understanding of what irony is

It's not ironic that it rains ofn your wedding day it's just shit you stupid screechy cock jockey!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 11:34, Reply)

Summed up beautifully in 5 minutes:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=nT1TVSTkAXg
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 11:36, Reply)

I will save this for my lunch

i just hope I can find a knife amongst the 10,000 spoons
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 11:39, Reply)