I like Christmas, but in short bursts.
So Christmas Eve I go shopping drinking with my dad, stay over at my parents' house.
Christmas morning my mum's family pop in, then we visit my dad's family and come home for Christmas dinner. This is the only day of the year I get to to have roast dinner with just my parents. There are invaders every other Sunday of the year.
Christmas early evening we sleep.
Christmas night some more of my mum's relatives come round, we pretend we don't want them but then we have an alright time really and have cheeses and boozes.
Boxing Day morning we watch a funny film and me and my mum drink a hair of the dog while my dad tells me "If you want a lift home you'd better hurry the fuck up because I want to start drinking!"
Boxing day evening I cook and eat two roast dinners, watch the On The Buses marathon, eat cheeses and meats, drink Bailey's, prosecco, Cherry B and port, and fall asleep on the sofa, making sure the phone is switched off. I do not go out on Boxing Night, it is shit.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 19:54, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

That sounds ideal to me. My family are teetotal, so there is never any alcohol around, which is shit.
I'm thinking this is the first year I can do it entirely my way and I like the sound of it.
( Maladicta, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 20:06, Reply)

My family drink Toilet Duck and lie under the tree
They get annoying, so I drink more and then I end up singing Carly Simon songs with my mother on the karaoke and hating myself in the morning.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 20:08, Reply)

Mine are absolutely no fun, really - my mother hates making Christmas dinner,
my father complains if he can't do and watch exactly what he wants (he despises Christmas because he has to see his family) and I just want to sleep and eat chocolate and play with presents.
( Maladicta, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 20:10, Reply)

We're pissheads. I have to admit.
We think that because we don't do it in the pub that we're respectable.
They are more hardcore than me though. I start to get annoyed.
DON'T MAKE ME SING FAIRGROUND ATTRACTION AGAIN!!!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 20:12, Reply)

Still sounds more fun than mine!
Eastenders and Coronation Street omnibuses are as exciting as it gets and then my mother complains there is too much sexehtiem on TV now...
( Maladicta, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 20:16, Reply)

I am the one who complains about sexytiem
"I'm not watching this, mother! Get it the fuck off!"
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 20:20, Reply)

I squirm horribly if there's anything remotely sexy on TV when the parents are in the room.
Somewhere along the line I think I prefer them thinking I'm asexual.
( Maladicta, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 20:27, Reply)

If you want to complete the illusion
Do an auto-bisection whenever the TV is showing something that's not sexy while your parents are in the room. As a bonus, you'll finally get to have a sibling of your own.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 20:35, Reply)

Ooo. Twins.
I could freak people out with that!
( Maladicta, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 20:38, Reply)

And then both of you could do another auto-bisection
And before long, there'd be masses of you!
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 20:52, Reply)

Ooo, the potential for mayhem!
And giving people the Fear.
( Maladicta, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 20:54, Reply)

So
Would autobisection just be another form of masturbation then?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 21:16, Reply)

I hope not, since its original purpose was to take place in the same room as my parents!

( Maladicta, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 21:18, Reply)

Then you could have a sneaky autobisection first
and sneak off somewhere private to do your thing, while your 'twin' does another autobisection in front of your parents.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 21:32, Reply)

I like this idea.
That way the twin has to stay with the parents and I don't!
( Maladicta, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 21:39, Reply)

Plus we all know that only non-originals prefer parents to orgasms!

( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 21:54, Reply)

non-originals mad people
( Maladicta, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 21:55, Reply)

Is this because
you come from a family of people with bendy necks?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 20:33, Reply)

Evening Ms. Roots
So do you spend the rest of the days after that in hibernation recovering? And would you have finally made it from the sofa to bed?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 20:08, Reply)

Eh up Spakkit
I try to hibernate as much as possible.
I socialise in the run-up to Christmas, but Christmas and New Year are for hermitage.
I sleep on the sofa a lot so I can wake up in the night, smile at my Christmas lights and tell the cat I love him.
If I get Freeview in my bedrooms I might sleep in bed more this holiday...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 20:11, Reply)

Same here re socialising and hibernation
Keep your bedroom door open so that your cat can come in. That way, you'll have the best of both worlds.

So if you've got a telly in your bedroom, that's yet another reason for the bed to win.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 20:23, Reply)

I only wake up in the night if the telly is on
He sleeps in my rooms but I rarely wake up and tell him I love him.
I get into a nice odd sleeping patter over the festive period.
And as there's been a digital switch over, my tellies will be useless without Freeview. Which reminds me, I'm off to check the aerials...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 20:27, Reply)