As I write I'm soaked right through, wrapped in a towel.
I've only just stopped shaking, and my hair stinks of seawater.
I've been trying to catch some pictures of the waves crashing over the sea wall where I live, only my crappy camera has a slight delay between squeezing the trigger and taking the pic so most of my pictures are of where waves used to be.
The last wave hit me full in the face so my camera may not live through the night.
Has anyone else done anything completely fucking retarded in the name of absolutely nothing lately?
Also: what's the best way to dry a pair of shoes?
(Paolo Nutini's Bikini Better than Frederick Fleet's optometrist, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 2:37, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

can't really remember.
and sorry to hear about your misfortune, only advice to drying your shoes is to use a hair-dryer on them.
( Jinxy13 is hating the S key, right about now., Mon 30 Nov 2009, 3:46, Reply)

I have. I shagged a mental
However I had to stay over at hers last night as our daughter was ill, and I resisted all temptation. I slept on the sofa covered only by my coat because she didn't have any spare blankets (my fucking arse), refused an invitation to get in bed with her 'to get warm' and consequently I had a neck-cricking, freezing, disturbed night's sleep but emerged dignified and morally upstanding this morning.

Yay me.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 8:31, Reply)

Are you sure it's not you who's not well?
You'd normally have been up there like a rat up a drainpipe!
Also, I hope the little lass is ok.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 8:52, Reply)

I don't feel well today I can tell you
I've just discovered that I left my phone at hers - she'll be having a field day going through it, finding things to get funny about.

EDIT she's got a terrible cold but is otherwise OK, really - thanks for asking. She was very distressed but seemed to be comforted by my being there.

/self-delusion
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 9:09, Reply)

She is going to call every woman in your phone and tell them you have gonhorrea
Just warning you...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 9:23, Reply)

They all know that already, belee' dat

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 9:28, Reply)

good work there son
particularly in the face of blatant lying
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 9:00, Reply)

I'm rather proud of myself, I must admit
Wasn't even tempted for a second.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 9:12, Reply)

Well done you.
I feel like a proud mother.
( girlinthehole, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 9:25, Reply)

When I'm sober I'm a lot better at not doing retarded things.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 9:30, Reply)

It really is blatant lying
A bloke once came up to my room and told me my couch was 'too noisy' and asked could he get into my bed.
I said "YEAH, LET'S SWAP, MISTER. I'LL GET ON THE NOISY FUCKING COUCH AND YOU CAN HAVE THIS BED!"
He went back downstairs.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 9:26, Reply)

...literally
with his tail between his legs....
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 9:30, Reply)

The night had started with him chasing me and the duvet round the sofa
and ended with me sleeping with the housephone and my mobile under my pillow.
I do believe the Benny Hill theme played at one point.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 9:33, Reply)

hahaha
I once stayed at a guest house in Newquay for work. The booking had been made wrong so there was a single room and a double room for 3 of us. My mate and I had to share a double bed, and despite us knowing that the rest of the place was empty of guests, the sour-faced old landlady tried to insist that she didn't have any spare duvets and that the one with hearts on it is all we could have.

We did not stand for this attitude and insisted she give us another duvet.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 9:30, Reply)

Hearts!!!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 9:35, Reply)

cock tease

(PsychoChomp, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 9:32, Reply)

Haha!
The next day he said sorry.
"I said I'll put it down to drunkenness." and he said "Well you weren't drunk enough to relent, were you!"
God bless him.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 9:34, Reply)

Stuff your shoes with newspaper and put them in the airing cupboard.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 9:08, Reply)

sound advice here

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 9:16, Reply)