Yet more online smut
www.johnlewis.com/80291/Style.aspx

I'd have expected more from John Lewis. And from Jack, whoever he is.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:29, 67 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

John Lewis - provider of sex aids to the Middle Classes.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:31, Reply)

It is DiT, it bloody is.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:32, Reply)

By our logic, Fortnums make adult toys for the Queen.
*shudders*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:35, Reply)

I'm never admiring their staircase again
I know what she does with that solid gold honey-dipper.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:37, Reply)

and that other thing?
it's not just for reaming citrus fruit
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:38, Reply)

I'll thank you not to refer to the Duke of Edinburgh as 'citrus fruit'.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:39, Reply)

Yeah that's Prince Edward

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:39, Reply)

I'm clicking both of these

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:41, Reply)

:D

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:51, Reply)

Yay smut
Is there a girly version called a jackcunter?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:31, Reply)

I'd say that was more a Debenham's thing

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:32, Reply)

Bloody Debenhams
*shakes fist*
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:38, Reply)

You do a lot of fist shaking

do never run out of wristy energy?!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:42, Reply)

it's powered by sweets
and she wears one of those kinetic watches
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:42, Reply)

I imagine those sweets on bacelets

Not you Parma Violet, back in your box
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:43, Reply)

Like the fake watch ones
that are all different colours - I have one of those at home, I haven't eaten it yet! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:46, Reply)

They're always at 2.40

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:52, Reply)

Hehehehe
They are indeed - I wonder why?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:52, Reply)

No.
Tooth hurty.
( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:52, Reply)

Hehehe
Oh dear.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:54, Reply)

tish

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:59, Reply)

*insert wanking joke*

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:43, Reply)

Nope
NEVER! I am quite rightly powered by Diet Coke and sweeties - its a winning combo! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:45, Reply)

sounds like something
you might find on top of Fred West's wardrobe.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:38, Reply)

cuntjacker

For girls with vaginal-lock
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:40, Reply)

Who's Jack?

And there is low stock, dirty middle classes!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:37, Reply)

Your genitals must be very deformed.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:43, Reply)

They will be if you're let near them.

( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:45, Reply)

That doesn't even make sense.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:53, Reply)

*rolls eyes*
Not to you maybe.
( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:55, Reply)

*raises hand*
didn't make a great deal of sense to me either
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:56, Reply)

Well it makes sense to me.
That's all that matters.
( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:57, Reply)

I think she's trying to say that you have an enormous penis.

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:56, Reply)

Nearly right.

( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:57, Reply)

I think she's trying to say that your penis is really A SPACESHIP! PEW PEW PEW PEW
Oh my god, bogeys are 12 o clock high! PEW PEW PEW!
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:59, Reply)

I love your interjections
they always bring a smile to my face

good sig too.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 16:04, Reply)

She's trying to say it looks like a miniature mug-tree
Those ones you hang your jewellery on
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 16:00, Reply)

that was kind of what I got from it
that or that he is so attractive that it would result in arousal so extreme that deformation occurs
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:58, Reply)

RIGHT!
I meant that after he had given her a thorough seeing too, what with him being a proper sex God and all, (insert sarcasm here), her genitals would look deformed.
( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 16:01, Reply)

Like the Predator's face

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 16:01, Reply)

COM
ED
Y

Genius.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 16:02, Reply)

Permission to go into convulsions?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 16:02, Reply)

Permission granted.

( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 16:03, Reply)

plump and juicy and blushing pink

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 16:03, Reply)

Well, that's not really an insult is it?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:59, Reply)

I thought you were suggesting

that chompy is some kind of renegade circumsizer, living outside the law on only his wits and raw kosher meat...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 16:00, Reply)

I'm going to the gym.
I'm wasted on you lot.
( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 16:02, Reply)

I'd rather it was this ^
:)
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 14 Jan 2010, 16:03, Reply)

*options for BBC3*

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 16:03, Reply)

I like it!
It'll work mannnn!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 14 Jan 2010, 16:06, Reply)

It's time for you to take the leading role, Mr Tightly.

( thealternativefact, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 16:07, Reply)

Its the role of a life-time!
:D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 14 Jan 2010, 16:09, Reply)

Oh my god, can you imagine what he'd be like?
Poncing around his lounge in a smoking jacket and cravat, calling us all 'love'...
( thealternativefact, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 16:15, Reply)

How is that different from how I live now, love?

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 16:16, Reply)

I don't know...
I haven't made it as far as your lounge yet :(
( thealternativefact, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 16:22, Reply)

Maybe you should come over, then.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 16:22, Reply)

Totally come over!
Once we have a dining table I'll cook a lasagne - that's one of the only things I'm good at! :)
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 14 Jan 2010, 16:25, Reply)

Hurray!
I'd love to.
And you must accept the invitation I shall be sending out shortly.
Mmmm...lasagne.
( thealternativefact, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 16:26, Reply)

Will do chicky
Happy times!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 14 Jan 2010, 16:29, Reply)

LASAN-YA!!!
I'm a lasange monster. I loves the stuff. Send me some?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 16:30, Reply)

Would you like me to send you some in a jiffy bag?

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 14 Jan 2010, 16:38, Reply)

Jacknobber
What on earth are you meant to do with it?
(Medical_Male Say aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 16:20, Reply)

Fear it!
Fear it with all your might!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 14 Jan 2010, 16:25, Reply)

I do

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 16:31, Reply)

Me too!
I fear meeting a patient having impaled themselves "honest, I fell" on it!
(Medical_Male Say aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 16:35, Reply)

What happens to the stuff that you
extract from people... do they get to take it home as some sort of consolation prize or do you confiscate it so they can't do it again?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 14 Jan 2010, 16:44, Reply)

Extracted Items
Items extracted tend to be in a fair state of disrepair and covered in the secretion du jour - e.g., if in the rectum, there'll typically be a fair amount of faeces on it.

The items are typically destroyed through incineration: I've never met a patient who wanted to take it home with them so they could have another try O_o
(Medical_Male Say aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 16:52, Reply)