In all honesty, if I ever wanted kids then I would rather adopt.

( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 14:16, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

there's something indescribable
about seeing your own mini-me...it's fucking mental.

I never wanted kids and could never understand the attraction - but having fatherhood foisted upon me I can honestly say that even with all the myriad nightmares, court appearances and stress it has brought me, it's still far and away the best thing I've ever done.

Even better than the Treworgey Tree Fayre of 1989. which took some beating.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 14:27, Reply)

S'true.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 14:28, Reply)

I've no desire to pass on my genes.
I'd be happy enough with an unwanted kid.
( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 14:30, Reply)

I just can't imagine that I'd cope with it at all well
I can only envisage terrible scenarios where it ends up splitting me and the mrs up or something. Add to that the fact that we'd be financially fucked if it happened anytime soon, and it all adds up to something quite offputting.

People tell me I'd be a good dad all the time. All this does is tell me that they don't know me very well at all.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 14:31, Reply)

That is 100% what i felt...

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 14:33, Reply)

Financially it's never a good time to have kids.
You just do it and cope somehow. Lots of people do.
( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 14:34, Reply)

I might cope
but it'd be fucking shit. Currently, my salary would pay the mortgage and the bills, barely. and that's it. no food, no fun.

I don't want to "cope", I want to be able to enjoy myself. Some people can do that with kids. I doubt my capacity for it.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 14:36, Reply)

well everything you're scared of - and a whole lot more
DID happen to me and it's still the best thing ever.

I used to scoff at people telling me I'd be a great dad - and I still do. I have a sickening feeling that I am a terrible, terrible father and this does not seem to be abating.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 14:37, Reply)

this argument is more persuasive than most
as we seem to be generally like-minded, and had the same fears, and you like it. I'm not convinced though, and not changing my mind.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 14:39, Reply)

I understand 100%
I was very, very much of the opinion that 'why the fuck would I want children? I don't mind them in small doses but generally the little cunts are fucking annoying. Also, why would I want to bring a child into this overpopulated and generally disgusting world?'

This, coupled with the depressing realisation that I was never going to be able to provide the idyllic childhood that I had (it was like Swallows & Amazons or something) for my own children, and the fact that I am an irresponsible wastrel, meant I was convinced I'd never breed.

You know what I'm like - but really, truly it is utterly incredible. I feel like I actually have a purpose in life rather than merely drifting along occupying myself with drugs and drink and larking about.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 14:47, Reply)

I don't quite think of it that way
There are good reasons to have kids no doubt, but the pro reasons that actually sway me slightly are all completely selfish.

I've not got to the point where I feel I lack purpose, not yet anyway
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 14:52, Reply)

I hadn't noticed I felt like that until I no longer did.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 14:54, Reply)

hmmm
I think the way I'm really feeling is, that if it happened by accident it'd be fine, as long as we were in a better position financially. That's the trouble, and that is what is really making me negative on it at the moment. We are fine as we are, both got good salaries for our ages etc. but even for a short time if the mrs was up the duff we would really really struggle, which would be fucking shite.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 14:57, Reply)

You'd find you didn't give a fuck about money
Honestly - it's nearly bankrupted me (I'd hope you didn't need to spend 6k on fucking parasitic lawyers like I did) and I don't care a jot. When you see their cheeky little faces nothing else on earth matters one bit.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 15:00, Reply)

you are probably right
but I'd first have 9 months of freaking out to get through. I don't want to have to go through that.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 15:03, Reply)

When our first kid came along
I was at college and the wife was at Uni, living in a rented flat. We never had fillet steak every night, but we got by. The thing is, having a kid, a joint responsibility negates the need for lots of other things that used to fill your time and that you previously consider important or worthwhile.

Women get maternity pay or you may well qualify for family tax credits, you also get child benefit and various other 'benefits'.

There is definitely no 'good' time to have a kid, but in the 9 months that it takes for it to appear, you are primed and ready to go. Yes it is hard work, yes it is boring yet constantly changing. Then comes all the priceless moments, the unconditional love, the playing, laughing, helping them experience brand new things, seeing their delight, watching them become more and more independent, watching them succeed, helping them when they fail, teaching them right from wrong etc.

Until you have done enough to make them into a teenager.....then the fun really begins ;-)
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 15:12, Reply)

that is about as close to persuaded as I've ever got
well done ;-)

I'm still not convinced, but am less terrified.

just thought of another reason against. I would be unable to prevent myself from giving a child a ridiculous name. I think Six and Seven are good names, and a lot of stuff from Greek mythology.

That alone should disqualify me from parenthood
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 15:16, Reply)

fun rape
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 15:19, Reply)

same thing surely?
a discussion in the pub the other night led to this:

got problems with premature ejaculation? Look on the bright side. At least you'll be able to carry out rapes quickly.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 15:19, Reply)

POTD

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 15:21, Reply)

"It can start WAY before that" - Fred West

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 15:21, Reply)

I think the most important thing for a kid is to know they're loved unconditionally.
Anything after that is a bonus for them.
( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 14:42, Reply)

There's an amount of truth in this
but I'd say that makes up about a quarter of what a kid needs from a parent.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 14:45, Reply)

Nah,
I wouldn't too much into adopting, it would feel like one really long babysitting session.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 14:36, Reply)

I have an adopted sister and she feels as much a sister to me as my blood sisters.
I think for me, having an adopted kid myself would be the same.
( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 14:38, Reply)

get one from haiti

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 14:49, Reply)

My very own Voodoo baby.

( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 14:52, Reply)

Cuz ahm uh voodoo chiiiiiiiile

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 14:56, Reply)