IF
You had a time machine and could go back in time, to whenever you liked, and could only take something that could fit into a cig packet.

When and where would you go and what would you take, to hopefully ensure your God like status, and obviously get lots of indigenous fanneh?

I would go back to Greek times and take with me a scientific calculator, solar powered of course.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 16:24, 27 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'd stick a johnny on Monty's dad's todger at the appropriate moment
prevent the abomination!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 16:24, Reply)

Vipros wants to touch Monty's Dad's cock!

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 16:34, Reply)

*revolted LOL*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 16:37, Reply)

only for the good of mankind
I'm willing to take one for the team
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 16:44, Reply)

That is very big of you...
...and I retract any suggestion that you are a bender.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 16:47, Reply)

THE DAMAGE HAS BEEN DONE.
EDIT I'll fucking bet the place where I was conceived has got bad vibes.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 16:49, Reply)

If I went back to Hammersmith Odeon 73...
...and slipped poison in Bowie's ovaltine after the final Ziggy gig, would you consider me a deity?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 16:51, Reply)

Is it too much trouble to ask
if you wouldn't mind poisoning the fucker in about 1964?

Thanks awfully.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 16:54, Reply)

Back seats of Cortinas are horrible places.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 16:51, Reply)

Haha
If it weren't for your horrendous Greengrocer's Apostrophe, that would have been a good post.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 17:00, Reply)

Dear God, I did!
Sincerest apologies and duly edited.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 19:17, Reply)

I'd take some lube

and fuck Hitler
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 16:26, Reply)

I heard he liked it rough
AND he only had one ball, apparently. Bizarrely, the other one ended up the Albert Hall of all places.

The Nazi bastard.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 16:33, Reply)

i read a thing about his sex life,
and apparantly he loved scat and being punched. sexy.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 16:34, Reply)

Painful shit.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 16:35, Reply)

Of course he did
He was Austrian. They all like the kinky stuff. Just look at that Fritzl fellow.
( Kroney, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 16:47, Reply)

Norman Mailer's 'Castle in the Forest'
goes on at length about Hitler's faecal obsession, and speculates about him being the product of incest.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 16:53, Reply)

I dunno, a pack of seeds to cave man times or something.
Give them a head start.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 16:29, Reply)

Maui Wowee would really help them...

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 16:34, Reply)

go stomp on their
butterflies

that'll fuck our shit right up
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 16:39, Reply)

haha

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 16:41, Reply)

I'd travel back to july 17th last year and tell myself not to drink.

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 16:30, Reply)

I'd take a digital camera back to the regency period
and get pictures of those lovely lovely gowns and their patterns so I can make my own.
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 16:36, Reply)

I'd take silver nitrates and hypo fixer to Leonardo da vinci
but I'm a photo nerd
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 16:45, Reply)

i would take a folded up copy of this
reactorfire.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/qw-cheatsheet-print-zoom1.jpg
i'd go back a while like innit.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 16:31, Reply)

Rome - Mid 2nd century.
A very small copy of Gibbons 'Decline and Fall...'.

'Look Mr Hadrian - here are a few tips to avoid problems...'

I would be a God; Vestals on tap and as much gold as I could eat.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 16:33, Reply)

I'd go back to 1996
I'd retrieve three-years' worth of my diaries from the bin in the park and pay to put them in storage until 2010.

I'd take a fiver and a scrap of paper with some horse racing results so I could win some money, some of which would go in storage with the diaries. By tomorrow I could be a millionaire and get my old writings back.
(Fancy a weekend on my Raymondo Luxury Yacht?, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 18:08, Reply)