Tell everyone
the groom is secretly a gay rapist - and that's how you met him, because so are you. Then jump up on the top table, whip out your cock and start wanking whilst crying and screaming the Lord's Prayer.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 14:50, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This would be the best speech ever!

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 7 Apr 2010, 14:52, Reply)

It worked for me - at my dad's third wedding.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 14:52, Reply)

Third times a charm!

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 7 Apr 2010, 14:53, Reply)

This may actually be true;
Father's first wedding: shotgun (our mother, 8 years his junior)
2nd wedding: psycho who ended up burgling him (20 years his junior)
3rd wedding: lovely American lady we all adore (almost the same age), who has alluded to a groovy past in the late 60s
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 15:01, Reply)

Sounds like he's got it right this time! :D

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 7 Apr 2010, 15:06, Reply)

Apart from what remains a hilarious mental image
This implies that the two of you met at some sort of gay rape convention. Either that or you were both coincidentally on Clapham Common one night, looking for something to bum, and lo and behold you just happen to bump into one another. On the knob.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 14:58, Reply)

I vote for the former.
He has that look about him.
( thealternativefact, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 15:04, Reply)

Not just a gay rapist,
but the sort who would go to meet other like-minded individuals in a conference centre to discuss their lives as stealthy bandits of the posterior, recounting tails of unsuspecting ringpieces skewered in alleyways, parks, or even just the office next to theirs...ah, it's an exciting life they lead.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 15:14, Reply)

Besides, he has to be the giver.
He's taken so much, he's got an opening that goatse man can only dream of.
( thealternativefact, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 15:17, Reply)

Oh. So that's want he meant
I thought he was offering me a chance to work with him...
*shudders*
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 15:33, Reply)

you really do get the phrases just right sometimes
"stealthy bandits of the posterior" almost made me rupture myself
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 15:18, Reply)

Athangeweverrmuch
Now turn around and let me rupture you properly.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 15:34, Reply)

"on the knob"
i like this phrase, it's like "on the razz" but with more knob
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 15:23, Reply)