I have some friends coming over tonight
and I decided to see to some things. My brother and his ex lived here before me and since I moved in two years ago, there has been a black bin by the side of the door. I have never really paid it much mind before but today I decided to move it. I was not happy to dicover that it had a bin bag in it. I was even less happy to discover that the bin was half full of nasty, stinking, stagnant water. I tipped the bin over to get the water out and the bag half came with it. I say "half came" because the plastic of the bag caught on the metal handle and ripped. In the hole I could see something blue.

In between retchings, I nudged the bag around with my foot, so the bag's share of filthy water could drain out of the hole. As the water poured out, the blue object shifted and poked out of the hole.

"My", I thought to myself, "that looks an awful lot like an erect penis."

You know when you've had a bad day and some tosser says "cheer up, it might never happen", or "it could be worse", or "at least you,ve never stumbled across somebody else's discarded, filth-covered dildo"? Well, I now have an answer for them.

Because it was an old vibrator, covered in effluvia and all but winking at me as the helmet-end saw its first dose of sunlight for at least two years. To cap it all off, I am absolutely dead certain as to who it belonged to.

So, what discoveries did you make this week?
( Kroney, Sat 10 Apr 2010, 13:12, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

oh wot.

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Sat 10 Apr 2010, 13:46, Reply)

I don't get it Rosie, I just don't.
I mean, I would rather find my sister's blue dildo* than, say, two years old worth of rotten food.

* How fucking big was this thing anyway? He's given me a mental image that it's filled up half a black bin bag.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 11 Apr 2010, 12:54, Reply)

this week i have dicovered that Polish speed-cameras only photograph you from the front.
this makes motorbikes immune cos they only have a numberplate on the back!
result.

and also i have discovered that i actually rather like raw tomatoes.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sat 10 Apr 2010, 13:50, Reply)

About 15 minutes ago
I looked down the side of my fridge.

*boke*

It's clean now though :)
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Sat 10 Apr 2010, 13:58, Reply)

Ooh get you being all domestic.
Bit different to this time last week.

I'm about to do some ironing
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sat 10 Apr 2010, 13:58, Reply)

I believe
we had started drinking this time last week!

Having a look at the living room but it looks traumatic.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Sat 10 Apr 2010, 14:03, Reply)

Indeed we had.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sat 10 Apr 2010, 14:06, Reply)

Now I have a craving.

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Sat 10 Apr 2010, 14:07, Reply)

That last pint I had
the 8.8% one, was fucking gorgeous.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sat 10 Apr 2010, 14:14, Reply)

It did taste nice
Thought it would be minging. You could spike people with that stuff.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Sat 10 Apr 2010, 14:16, Reply)