My schoolmasters
and their associated bullshit rumours were incredible.

1.Mr Maharris aka ‘Mahonky’ (history) – claimed he used to be in the SAS and had shares in a South African diamond mine. ‘Look in the car park boys – look at all the shitty cars. See that one? Black. Ford. Sierra. She’s all mine’. He was a committed sadist and you could swear at him with impunity.

2.Mr Symes (music) – had a funny bouncing walk ‘because he’d tried it on with the (impossibly fit) Miss Dudley in the music cupboard and she’d kneed him in the bollocks’. Wore a dove-grey leather blouson and spoke in faux-hip style pronouncing little as ‘liddle’ and ‘if you wanna prad around’ for ‘if you want to prat around’ etc. Cunt.

3.Mr Green aka ‘Beaky’ (English) – was ‘definitely a paedophile’. No evidence for this was ever offered.

Then there were millions of other magical characters who would never be allowed to teach today such as Mr Lennox who told my brother’s class on their first day ‘bit of advice for you boys: watch out for the darkies’,
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 9:12, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I expect Mr Lennox
shared Prince Phillips ideas on laughing out loud.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 9:15, Reply)

One of my Geography teachers insisted that Captain Cook was a thief and a pirate
when pressed on his source of infomation he would, look at you and say straight faced that Captain James Cook 1728 - 1779 discoverer of Australia stole something dear from him...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 9:16, Reply)

Captain Cook discovered Australia did he?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 9:20, Reply)

meh, first european to have contact with etc

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 10:16, Reply)

This explains so much, Monty.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 9:39, Reply)

Then there was
headmaster Mr Beacham who accidentally sawed one of his feet off with a chainsaw (this was 100% true), Mrs Riley aka 'cyclops' who had a glass eye, Mr Lee who was a raving bender who wore brown socks and sandals and rode around the upper playground in his Sinclair C5, Mr Ogier who was from the Channel Islands and had been a captive of the Nazis as a boy, Mr Ashmead who suffered from enormous facial boils and Mr Davies aka 'Onion', who was 'a Jew'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 9:47, Reply)