That's supposed to be read in a Hatty Hayridge-esque monotone
It's an emergency announcement rather than a rant.

But since you asked...any preference on key?
"BUMDER ALERT,
BUMDER ALERT,
ALL BE FOREWARNED THERE'S A BUMDER IN HERE.
EMERGENCY,
EMERGENCY,
DROP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND COVER YOUR REAR...."
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 7 May 2010, 16:12, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I imagine a droney Sabbathesque bassline behind you...

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 7 May 2010, 16:15, Reply)

Ah, ok
I was envisioning myself crooning it to a tune not disimilar to "Edelweiss"...
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 7 May 2010, 16:16, Reply)

OK start again....
One two three four....
Edit - or you could do it with a megaphone like Mark E Smith and The Fall.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 7 May 2010, 16:18, Reply)

Would it work to the tune of "Iron Man"?
"BUMDER HAS BEEN SEEN,
YOUR ARSE CHEEKS HE'LL GET BETWEEN.
WARNING CALL TO ALL,
PRESS YOUR BACKS AGAINST THE WALL!

NOW THE TIME IS NEAR,
FOR THE BUMDER TO SPREAD FEAR,
VENGEANCE HE SHALL WREAK,
MERCILESSLY 'PON YOUR SEAT!"
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 7 May 2010, 16:21, Reply)

Fantastic.
That song has totally changed for me.
"I....am.....bumder....man Der..ner.der...ner.der....ner...ner...ner...neeer"
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 7 May 2010, 16:33, Reply)

You're wanted further up the thread, Crow old bean.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 7 May 2010, 16:39, Reply)

Thank you for your vigilance
*puts new batteries in megaphone*
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 7 May 2010, 16:44, Reply)

The Bumder alert
is fast becoming my favourite thing on the internet ever.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 7 May 2010, 16:21, Reply)

It's very fulfilling to know I'm good for something
*is fulfilled*
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 7 May 2010, 16:26, Reply)

You know how some things just hit a nerve and leave you quivering in helpless, silent mirth?
Well, that's me after every bumder alert.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 7 May 2010, 16:28, Reply)

Davros, dear boy, if it weren't for such important public service alerts,
I fear you'd soon find something far more sinister "hitting a nerve" and leaving you quivering in helpless, silent shame...
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 7 May 2010, 16:30, Reply)

This is very true.
If it wasn't for the fact that it actually serves a very important purpose, I'd seriously consider having my arsehole permanently sealed.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 7 May 2010, 16:32, Reply)

sealed fisted.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 7 May 2010, 16:34, Reply)