A jazz chord.
I have a friend who’s a self-proclaimed jazz buff*. He’s a bit older then me and a rather serious, dour Scotsman. I used to DJ with him, we’d play funk and hip hop. Now, I remain CONVINCED he was into jazz as some kind of statement – some of the impenetrable bollocks he used to have on when I went round there was definitely for show: like 5 completely deaf people who’d never played an instrument before all hammering away at once in some kind of God-awful cacophony. Simply terrible.

But through my interest in hip hop and the move away from funk breaks in the early 90s (which had, by and large, been exhausted by producers), towards jazz samples, I discovered just how broad a palette jazz is. The Blue Note Breaks series of compilations is incredible: some of it’s a bit noodly but on the whole the selections are accessible and highly entertaining. Tracks like 'Walk Tall' by Cannonball Adderley or 'Repeat After Me' by The Three Sounds are fucking amazing.

I have another pal who claims to be into avant garde jazz and once again I’m certain it’s a pose. When I’m round his, he’s always trying to get me to listen to what sounds like a cat walking across the keys of a piano. It’s like a fucking endurance test.

*He once convinced me to spend £30 on a ticket to see Herbie Hancock at the Barbican. I’d been up all night and had trouble staying awake. My pal and his jazz-buff chums were laughing at me as I nodded off – but they were laughing on the other side of their berets when I woke up after a refreshing half-hour kip to find the same shitty, directionless tune that I’d fallen asleep to STILL PLAYING.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 19 May 2010, 16:33, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

the extent of my knowledge of jazz
is Everybody Wants to be a Cat.

Wow, I should really broaden my musical tastes outside the realms of Disney.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 19 May 2010, 16:36, Reply)

:D
Thomas!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 19 May 2010, 16:37, Reply)

I loved the hippy Siamese cat playing Chopsticks
Disney is so PC.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 19 May 2010, 16:38, Reply)

Haha me and my parents sat and watched that film recently.
Class
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 19 May 2010, 16:40, Reply)

I agree
I like jazz, but it has to have some sort of recognisable form to the melody or even the chord structure. Free form jazz is the musical equivalent of modern art. A lot of Jackson Pollocks.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 19 May 2010, 16:36, Reply)

You know that as soon as you leave
he puts on a nice bit of Bon Jovi, or Coldplay or...(what's middle of the road shit?) David Grey.

No wait...Lighthouse Family
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 19 May 2010, 16:36, Reply)

Sade.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Wed 19 May 2010, 16:45, Reply)

Marquis de?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 19 May 2010, 16:46, Reply)

Knob.

Sadé

But for bonus points - to whom did MdS dedicate his books?
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Wed 19 May 2010, 16:52, Reply)

Erm...
Something to do with lubricants?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 19 May 2010, 16:59, Reply)

was it Sade?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 19 May 2010, 17:01, Reply)

So close. Check your books when you get home.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Wed 19 May 2010, 17:03, Reply)

Was it Kris Akabusi?

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 19 May 2010, 17:04, Reply)

Hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 19 May 2010, 17:13, Reply)

I was serious about my answer.
I am sure it has something to do with lubricants.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 19 May 2010, 17:05, Reply)

She released a song recently
she hasn't changed one bit since the 80's (in looks or sound)
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 19 May 2010, 16:56, Reply)

She still has the same one note range then?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 19 May 2010, 16:59, Reply)

She writes most of her own tunes too. Still the same two chords though.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Wed 19 May 2010, 17:04, Reply)

I fancy her.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 19 May 2010, 17:13, Reply)

Yup
the same dirge
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 19 May 2010, 17:07, Reply)

Jazz, I find, has the same problem as progressive rock
When it's done well, it can be exciting, inventive, challenging and a real joy to listen to. Unfortunately there are always going to be some wankers who take it too far and disappear, sax, double bass and all, up their own posteriors. There are some, like Coltrane, Hancock and Monk, who veer very close to that line - some of their stuff is superb but other times you just wish they'd shut the fuck up.

As for the wankers that spend all their time making or listening to the really avant garde stuff, I agree, it has to be posturing. I really fail to see how anyone can get off on such formless noise, other than by getting off on other people's reaction to it.

Cannonball Adderley was superb - if you're ever in need of some mellow latin jazz, his Cannonball's Bossa album is worth seeking out.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 19 May 2010, 16:42, Reply)

Avant-garde Jazz strikes me
as one of the clearest examples of 'Emperor's New Clothes' music ever.

Everyone knows it's shit but some people are afraid to be the first one to say so, in case people think they don't 'get it' and it's somehow their fault.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 19 May 2010, 16:45, Reply)

One of the best jazz bands I saw
was the Humphrey Lyttelton Band. Now there was some good, straightforward, enjoyable jazz. A nice blend of swing and trad played by a superb team of musicians (of a very wide range of ages). No snobbery, nothing 'highbrow' about it, nothing you had to 'get.' I appreciate that a genre has to progress, and new and more inventive writers would be welcome to try and throw it around a bit, but I really wish some players would just stop, mid-saxophone wank and say,
"Guys, sorry, but this really is just shit, isn't it? Can we just play a bit of Gershwin for a change?"
(Now that I would pay £30 to see)
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 19 May 2010, 16:53, Reply)

there's a presidents of the USA song called Jazz Guy
it has some great lyrics some of which I will now relate:

"I wanna be a jazz guy and play black music for white people,
I wanna learn all the chords and solo till everyone in the room,
is bored,
beyond,
belief,
I can't wait,
for the end of my solo,
sweet sweet relief"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 19 May 2010, 17:12, Reply)