I got the best spam the other day! I can't believe there hasn't been a Fun With Spam QotW
Does anyone have any clever ideas for replying and fucking with them?

The headline was ACT FAST!!! and then it went:

Hello

This is the only way I could contact you for now,I want you to be very careful about this and keep this secret with you until I make out space for us to see. You have no need of knowing who I am or where I am from.I know this may sound very surprising to you but it’s the situation.I have been paid some ransom in advance to terminate you with some reasons listed to me by my employer.It’s someone I beleive you call a friend, I have followed you closely for a while now and have seen that you are innocent of the
accusations he leveled against you. Do not contact the police or try to send a copy of this to them,because if you do, I will know,and I might be pushed to do what I have been paid to do.Besides, this is the first time I turn out to be a betrayer in my job.I took pity on you,that is why I have made up my mind to help you if you are willing to help yourself.

Now listen,I will arrange for us to see face to face,but before that, I need $30,000. I will come to your home or you determine where you wish we meet; I repeat, do not arrange for the cops and if you play hard to get, it will be extended to your family.Do not set any camera to cover us or set up any tape to record our conversation, my employer is in my control now. Payment details will be provided for you to make a part payment of $15,000
first,which will serve as guarantee that you are ready to you co-operate,then i will post a copy of the video tape that contains his request for me to terminate you which will be enough evidence for you to take any legal action against him before he employs another person for the job. You will pay the balance of $15,000 once you receive the tape.

Warning; do not contact the police, make sure you stay indoors once it is 7.30pm until this whole thing is sorted out,if you neglect any of these warnings, you will have yourself to blame. You do not have much time, so get back to me immediately.

Note:I will advise you keep this to yourself alone, not even a friend or a family member should know about it because it could be one of them.

LARRY TAUB


Now that's innovative! I'm not really worried that my grandma or one of my lazy arts student mates has taken out a hit on me, though... at least not to the tune of tens of thousands of dollars! I'd probably buy it if somebody gave a hobo a sandwich to try and trip me up at the pedestrian crossing.

I feel sorry for that dude turning out to be a betrayer in his job for nothing...

EDIT: Okay, why not: I'm messing with him. Have replied:

"I know exactly who hired you and that guy is going to find himself in
a world of shit very soon.

In fact, let's kill two birds with one stone here - I'm going to up
the price to 50,000, half before and half after. And you're going to
go back to your employer and leave him hanging naked by his ankles
from a nice, high building. Got it?"
(Lieutenant Colonel Oblivious brought to you by intravenous sugar, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 13:19, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

You should meet, quickly!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 13:24, Reply)

I think you should contact the police anyway
see what happens
( Peej, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 13:27, Reply)

I hope you'll be playing along with this - and keep us posted as to how this 'hit' is progressing
I suggest you find out the method of execution Larry will be using.

If he is going to shoot you, point out that because of recent events, he might be better of stabbing you instead, you don't want to give him a bad name after all.

How would you like to die at the hands of an assassin?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 13:29, Reply)

Let's get the obvious one out of the way
Alyson Hannigan doing a Xenia Onatopp
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 13:36, Reply)

well, if I had to go
a fierce struggle on top of Mount Doom would be a great way to do it.
(Lieutenant Colonel Oblivious brought to you by intravenous sugar, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 13:37, Reply)

you're a bigger man than me
although I never read anything from anyone I don't know, if I had recieved this, I'd be shitting myself
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 13:29, Reply)

my favourite part of this reply
is that we both appear to be women
(Lieutenant Colonel Oblivious brought to you by intravenous sugar, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 13:38, Reply)

when I want your opinion I will take my dick out of your mouth

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 13:45, Reply)

you'd have to mail it to me first

(Lieutenant Colonel Oblivious brought to you by intravenous sugar, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 13:50, Reply)

too far :(

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 13:54, Reply)

I'm just saying!
this is all perfectly logical
(Lieutenant Colonel Oblivious brought to you by intravenous sugar, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 14:00, Reply)

I think there's a website
where people post their stories of messing with the typical Nigerian scam emails. I'll see if I can find it.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 13:29, Reply)

Sorry Chomp.
www.419eater.com/index.php

forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=185181
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 13:30, Reply)

I'm ... clicking ... the ... address... but it's ... not ... working...

(PsychoChomp, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 13:32, Reply)

Ha!
I'm worth $3,000 more than that dude!
(Lieutenant Colonel Oblivious brought to you by intravenous sugar, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 13:40, Reply)

Or maybe...
Someone hates you $3,000 more than the other dude!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 13:43, Reply)

I prefer to think
that I am $3,000 more dangerous than that dude!
(Lieutenant Colonel Oblivious brought to you by intravenous sugar, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 13:48, Reply)

I've had a look at his Facebook page
and I don't think you have to worry about him.

Solved.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 13:35, Reply)

There are a bunch of Larry Taub's on facebook
and one of them has in his profile the quote "A falsehood may get a head start, but the truth always catches up."
(Lieutenant Colonel Oblivious brought to you by intravenous sugar, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 13:43, Reply)

Perhaps its not his real name?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 13:50, Reply)

Somebody really needs to let him know his name is being appropriated
before somebody gullible actually panics and tries comes round his house with their mates, or something.
(Lieutenant Colonel Oblivious brought to you by intravenous sugar, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 13:52, Reply)

Hmm
mild-to-moderately sinister, rather more well thought through than your average scam. Personally, I'd play along secure in the knowledge that I'm far too boring for someone to take out a hit on me - but try not to get your legs broken, eh?
(berk, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 13:36, Reply)

ACT FAST!!
I think you should have just obeyed the subject line and broken into a frantic mime routine.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 13:55, Reply)

I have Africans. Chinese and US Troops
fucking queueing up to give me mountains of money, I must be getting 6 a day now and it's starting to piss me off just a likkle...
( His Popiness the Hole Invaded Poland on, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 21:26, Reply)