For Larry, Vipros and whoever wants to try
Paella mixta for 10 people:

Ingredients:
Leeks
Red peppers
Tomatoes
2 fish heads
20 mussels
30 clams
30 small prawns, whole and raw (they can be frozen)
1 chicken, cut in small pieces (1-2”)
1 rabbit, cut in small pieces (1-2”)
Monkfish, cut in small pieces (1-2”), around 2 pieces per person
2 big cuttlefish cut in 3-4” pieces
1 big squid, cut in rings
10 langoustines, whole and raw (they can be frozen)
1kg of paella rice
Olive oil
Salt, Pepper, Saffron, Yellow food colorant, bay.
Half a lemon cut in 2
More lemon cut in eights.

Recipe:
Finely chop the leeks, red peppers and tomatoes, enough of them to cover the bottom of your paella pan twice.

Pick a pan with cover, heat a bit of olive oil (2 tea spoons) and add all the chopped vegetables. Cover the pan and put them at a very low heat with salt. Leave them there until they are soft like a puree (around 1-2 hours, probably)

Pick a pan that you don’t like much, with a cover. Put the mussels and clams (clean) in it, with the half a lemon cut in 2. Don’t add water. Cover the pan and put them at high heat, cook them until they’re almost done, but not completely.

Pick a big pan with cover. Put the fish heads in, the liquid that you get from cooking the mussels and clams, and the heads of all the prawns, add water, salt, bay and cover. Put at high heat, bring to boil and then put the heat softer until the fish is cooked (you can use fish cubes, but they’re not as good. And, once you’ve finished the stock, you can eat the fish cheeks, which are the best bit of the fish ever). Once the stock is done, take all the bits out and keep it warm.

By the time you finish with the stock, the vegetables should be done. Move them from the pan into the paella pan. Remember that the fire needs to be evenly shared.

Add 2 tablespoons of olive oil in the paella pan with the vegetables and heat at high heat. Add the chicken and rabbit bits. Cook them at high until they are golden, then at medium, to make sure they are properly cooked. When they’re almost done, add the fish. Add the salt, pepper and the saffron in this step, making sure it gets a bit salty.

When all the meat and fish are cooked, add the rice, high heat, and move it around the pan, until it’s toasted. Then add the stock. How much? Ah, that’s interesting…
Normally, you add 1 measure of rice and 2 of stock, that’s a good starting point. Just keep the stock hot in case you need to add more.

When you add the stock, move the rice a bit, to make sure nothing is dry. Add the colorant if needed. Then don’t touch it much more until it’s getting dry. Try it. If it’s far to be done, add more stock and repeat. If it’s almost done, go to the next step.

When there is still some water left and the rice is not completely done, add the squid, cuttlefish, prawns, the langoustines, the almost cooked mussels and clams. You can add a bit of extra hot stock if you have to.

When the rice is done and dry, left it on the pan, high fire, a bit longer, in order to burn the bottom of the rice (it’s the best bit!!)

Switch the fire off, cover with a tea towel for a bit.

When serving, add the bits of lemon, and off you go.

I need to go now, I’m on a meeting until 14:30. Enjoy!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 15 Jun 2010, 12:56, 120 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Who sung this?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 12:57, Reply)

hahaha

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:17, Reply)

Richard Harris.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:31, Reply)

the guy who wrote Fatherland?
no wait, that's Robert Harris
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:32, Reply)

"I don't think that I can take it
'cause it took so long to bake it,
and I'll never have that recipe again.
Oh NOOOoooooOOOOooooooOOOO...."
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:46, Reply)

If you go to KFC they cook food for you

( broadsword, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:06, Reply)

Big fishy post is big and fishy

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:08, Reply)

post minge

_{Sorry, but it had been there, unfettered, for some 25 minutes...there's only so long I can resist the temptation to be crass and unfunny.}
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:35, Reply)

Okey-dokey, that's next weekend's meals sorted. First, catch a rabbit.
Reading that a second time, it sounds very straightforward. I bet mine turns out like a risotto!
I just have to find a pan I don't like very much ...
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:12, Reply)

I hope your Paella gives you cancer
and you choke on your own fucking massive, pointless post
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:12, Reply)

Actually, fuckwit, it was in reply to a popular request.
Would you please comply with the popular request made of you?
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:16, Reply)

Would that be the one where I fuck you in the arse
for being a gob-shitey cunt?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:18, Reply)

You're an odious, tiresome, prat.
Get some help.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:21, Reply)

Pfffft, love you too Larry
I hope you don't get testicular cancer. Really, I don't
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:24, Reply)

I wish I could say the same for you.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:26, Reply)

DEFEND THE GIRL ONLINE

(PsychoChomp, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:18, Reply)

he has a point though
we did ask for the recipe
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:20, Reply)

but surely a gaz would be better?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:21, Reply)

gazzes are only for pictures of cock

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:22, Reply)

This
Unless you're me, in which case /board is also for pictures of cock
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:30, Reply)

granted

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:31, Reply)

It might have been. But then
We do go on about food a lot - why not share a recipe?
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:23, Reply)

true
I think it's just my objection to fish here
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:29, Reply)

overruled

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:30, Reply)

- and it seems to be 'fish heads' in fact.
I might skip that bit of the recipe.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:33, Reply)

just fish and seafood in general
whereas with eggs and peanuts and things I can see how even though I'm allergic other people might like them, with fish I just can't
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:35, Reply)

this won't help you understand
but shellfish are almost all incredible. they look vile for the most part (not scallops) but they are so tasty.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:37, Reply)

meh
I was fed so much fish as a small child, and I had terrible skin. Took ages for the doctors to realise that I was allergic to the stuff they'd been so earnestly recommending I ate. I can vaguely remember the taste and not liking it, though my mother insists that I loved the stuff.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:41, Reply)

that's fair enough then
and mothers often remember things wrong. or not at all.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:43, Reply)

yeah
my mother claims it made me cleverer. Which is just wrong
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:45, Reply)

I suspect fish only makes you cleverer if you started out borderline retarded

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:52, Reply)

don't be so cruel to me :(

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:55, Reply)

that wasn't a jibe at you!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:56, Reply)

well I didn't talk very soon
so maybe I was a borderline retard until the fish kickstarted me.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:59, Reply)

it seems unlikely
some people just talk later
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 14:02, Reply)

they're for making the fish stock
which is quite an important part of the recipe. could buy some, but make sure it is good stuff and unseasoned
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:36, Reply)

Do you think chicken stock would work?

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:39, Reply)

it would, but probably wouldn't be quite as nice and authentic

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:44, Reply)

It might work for the one with meat and shellfish.

( girlinthehole, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:45, Reply)

yeah yellow food colouring is the real taste of spain.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:46, Reply)

does food colouring taste of anything?
is it as significant as the difference between fish and chicken stock?

the food colouring is almost certainly there to reduce the amount of saffron used to make it yellow.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:50, Reply)

food colouring does taste of stuff
if you put too much in cake it makes it taste bitter.

However, in paella I would think all the other flavours would make it unnoticeable.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:52, Reply)

I would've thought so
I don't think I've ever used colouring in anything
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:54, Reply)

Precisly.
Although saffron taste yum, and tumeric don't.
So just enough to colour and not taste.
I plan to do the meat one, plus the more socially adept seafoods.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:55, Reply)

*sings*
Fish heads, fish heads
roly poly fish heads
fish head, fish heads
eat them up, YUM!
( girlinthehole, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:38, Reply)

I was thinking that!

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:52, Reply)

For christ's sake, people
It's only a posy on the internet.

I really don't care that aberracion's post was big, it was a bit dull, but so what?
I really don't care about what Larry's saying either, but his reaction is rather amusing
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:27, Reply)

You're worse than hitler.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:31, Reply)

And AIDS.

( broadsword, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:32, Reply)

Any amusement was entirely unintentional.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:36, Reply)

Obviously
I mean, this is you we're talking about
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 14:05, Reply)

I was cheering him on.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:21, Reply)

I just can't tell what anything you say means anymore....

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:22, Reply)

Just like to keep you on your toes.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:24, Reply)

it's working

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:26, Reply)

I'm sure he does
and if I'd been serious, I'd have taken him outside for fisticuffs
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:22, Reply)

cuffs ng
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:25, Reply)

Fish cheeks? Urgh!

( girlinthehole, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:15, Reply)

It's a euphemism
for fanny flaps
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:16, Reply)

Really!
Oh that's alright then as long as they're tender.
( girlinthehole, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:17, Reply)

Pffft

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:20, Reply)

Don't blow on them that's just rude

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:25, Reply)

in this case
a livejournal cut sign would have come in handy
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:15, Reply)

Or "Recipe in Replies"
but it's done now.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:24, Reply)

what's done is done
and can't be undone
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:28, Reply)

THREAD DELETION

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:30, Reply)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I know it's there, I know it's allowed, I know it's always an option. But it is not one that should be taken lightly. One should always think very carefully before deleting a thread.

It's a bit like the internet version of abortion.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:32, Reply)

haha!

( girlinthehole, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:34, Reply)

All the jokes that could have been...
the hard work of typing... All undone by a click of a button.

Think. A thread is until the next one comes along, not for 5 minutes and you want it to go as no one has said anything funny and they're taking the piss.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:35, Reply)

But the painful memory will always haunt you
The memory of what you created, and then what you did to it in your moment of panic and embarrassment. And how everyone else made a meme out of it ever since¹.

¹_{The original "Honda Accord" post, Bullies QotW, 200-something}
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:48, Reply)

I remember reading the original before it was deleted
back in the days where I read QOTW

I feel honoured.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:54, Reply)

It really was one of those "once seen, never forgotten" moments
What I've missed most is the gloriously coruscating flaming that followed it.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:55, Reply)

As glorious a moment as the door to the kitchen swinging open
and my flatmate walking in, dressed as Adam Ant.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:57, Reply)

Good lord
(Did he then proceed to "stand and deliver"?)
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:58, Reply)

He did a dance, but nothing obscene
he looked alarmingly hot. I'd not been attracted to him before, but in makeup, with a cravat... PHWOAR.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 14:02, Reply)

sounds good, thanks :-)

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:20, Reply)

See?
Vipros likes your post, Larry likes your post. Anybody can post anything they like at any time, there are no rules.
If people whinge, fuck 'em, if I have a go it's just because I like swears
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:33, Reply)

SO'S YOUR FACE

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:35, Reply)

Hello Noel
You lying bastard
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:36, Reply)

Alright bitchtits?
What did I lie about?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:38, Reply)

The size of your penis.

( girlinthehole, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:40, Reply)

He said he clicked one of my posts
When in fact he clicked one of Gonz's. Lying bastard.

He has clicked a few of mine since, so I'll forgive him
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:46, Reply)

You have to remember Bert than this place is not as anarchic as it pretends to be.
THERE ARE RULES AND WE MUST FOLLOW THEM.
( girlinthehole, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:37, Reply)

they're more like guidelines

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:38, Reply)

Ok then...........
THERE ARE GUIDELINES AND WE MUST FOLLOW THEM.
( girlinthehole, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:39, Reply)

Like the one about Linebreaks?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:39, Reply)

I don't.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:42, Reply)

and the one about washing your hands.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:43, Reply)

And yet we can't seem to wash our hands of you...

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:49, Reply)

You may wash, you may rinse, your hands if you will.
But the smell of the Chompy shall hang round them still.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:58, Reply)

Stop taking everything so personally,
emo.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:39, Reply)

I'm not, you lousy fag-end
I'm just trying to make these people grow up and realise that this is the internet, shit posts will be punished viciously, people jumping to the defence of their friends and taking things too seriously just end up looking like cocks
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:43, Reply)

I read that as "I'M NOT, I REPEAT NOT UPSET"

(PsychoChomp, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:44, Reply)

*runs away crying*
NONE OF YOU UNDERSTANDS ME
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:47, Reply)

You got that right.

( girlinthehole, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:48, Reply)

I recommend locking yourself in your room
and hibernating until around about the 30th September.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:51, Reply)

Who me?
I'm claustraphobic.
( girlinthehole, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:51, Reply)

No, Bert
Like the big frumpy emo that he is.

I'm also a bit claustrophobic. But that might just be because my trousers don't fit any more.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:52, Reply)

I don't understand
What does my little brother's birthday have to do with anything?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:59, Reply)

Ah, I guess you've not been around for a while.
There is a little backstory/meme connecting Agnostic Antichrist's more emo moments with "Wake me up when September ends" by popular American pop-punk combo Green Day.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 14:02, Reply)

Ah, I see
I don't like memes, they make me want to cut poncey little boys with girl's haircuts
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 14:05, Reply)

Each to their own...

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 14:08, Reply)

Did that start after the agoraphobia was cured? Must have been a bitch otherwise!

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 15 Jun 2010, 14:04, Reply)

I forgot I made this
There's an alternative one too.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:52, Reply)

That is rich and abundant in win.
Is AA aware of its existence?
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:54, Reply)

No, he's not been around at the same time as me for a while

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:55, Reply)

I don't think you are succeeding

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:45, Reply)

+ at life

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 14:06, Reply)

On a completely unrelated note, this made me laugh
From the Daily Mail website, of course, in the comments of an article about a girl going missing after going to Asda by herself.

"Who lets a 9 year old out on her own to go to any supermarket?

Answer: Broken Britain"
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:56, Reply)

My mum used to send me out shopping younger than that.
But this was in the seventies before peaodos and supermarkets.
( girlinthehole, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:57, Reply)

There's got to be a correlation,
however spurious, between the number of supermarkets in the country and the number of stories about PEEDOS and IMMAGRUNTS and PEEDO-IMMAGRUNTS. Do you think if we sent this to the Mail they'd make a story out of it and roundly condemn the existence of supermarkets in Brwoken Brwitain?
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 14:00, Reply)

perhaps
I have my own crazy correlation idea. But I'm not enough of a scientist to back it up :(
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 14:02, Reply)

You don't need any science to back it up
This is the same way the Mail can peddle stories about tea/chips/trans-fats/transvestism giving you cancer one week and not the other - someone looks up the figures and plots them against one another. If you can draw a straight line through 'em, bingo! You've got a frivolous health story.

What's your idea then?
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 14:04, Reply)

If it's a quiet week for news then perhaps so.

( girlinthehole, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 14:02, Reply)

There were peados but they were safely contained in childrens homes and churches.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 14:01, Reply)

Of course.
I was never in either of those so I was safe.
( girlinthehole, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 14:02, Reply)

Neither of you fuckwits can spell Paedos properly
See me after class

EDIT Although, Peaodos does sound like some kind of sexy Greek God
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 14:07, Reply)

They're both valid.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 14:13, Reply)

Only to retards

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 14:16, Reply)

I don't think my mum would have sent me out to Asda by myself at 9
maybe the village shop though.

She went to buy cake mix, so I think the more pressing issue is why her mum wasn't teaching her to make a proper cake.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 14:06, Reply)