Fine, if no-one else is starting a thread then I'll start a thread
Can't be bothered thinking of anything hugely imaginative as there's probably no-one here to read it, so I will simply ask who would win the World Cup if the team's mascots were allowed to play, but in the form of the actual thing rather than a twat in a fluffy suit. So England's attack would be Wayne Rooney and a lion. An actual lion. Wales might have qualified if they had a dragon in goal. Let's assume that Ivory Coast would have got a better result last night (and given the Brazilians some actual injuries instead of the ones they kept feigning) if they were accompanied onto the pitch by Elephants. Etc.

Alt Q for all you bumders who don't like football (yes, I, Darth Foxtrot, am accusing people of gayness, I can do so during the World Cup, deal with it *snaps*) - what do you think of the Vampire Diaries? That's what girls are watching nowadays, isn't it?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 18:54, 39 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

You fucking shitcunt
why are you always being such a shit cunt?

It's like you hang around, deliberately waiting to annoy me
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 18:55, Reply)

Alright, don't bloody reply to me then
INFURIATING , that's what you are
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:04, Reply)

I was making coffee, you flangemonkey
Back now. Do yer worst
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:05, Reply)

I'm not that bothered anymore

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:09, Reply)

I forgot you're Scottish and the very mention of the World Cup sends you into an apopleptic rage
I'm pleased to see it passes reasonably quickly
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:11, Reply)

Ha!
I'm not bothered about scottishness, football or world cups.

They're all shit and can get to fuck while I'm sat here in my pants, knocking one out over that girl from Hollyoaks that I know Gonz likes.
It's not even as though I fancy her, I think she mings, but it makes me feel good because I pretend she's cheating on him
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:13, Reply)

office lol

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:17, Reply)

I don't know who you mean
TELL ME
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:18, Reply)

The one who looks like one of those puppets, The Riddlers
Her character tries to look all 'alternative' and she's a bit whiney.

Nancy...?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:24, Reply)

I was having you on mate
I don't really give a monkeysex
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:29, Reply)

You're alot less shit in person

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:31, Reply)

How in the name of hell would you know?
Also, thank you
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:34, Reply)

It was a presumption
based upon how shit you are here
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:35, Reply)

Oh, you
Flattery will get you everywhere *winks coyly*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:37, Reply)

I know nowt of mascots and have only watched the US, so I really haven't the foggiest
also, I think nothing of Vampire Diaries, I don't watch it
I watch True Blood, yes, hello Eric, I see your naked bum, please turn around so I can see the rest, ta
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:07, Reply)

If only I could claim ignorance
but True Blood is obviously awesome in an incredibly unoriginal way. Ms Foxtrot is obsessed with it
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:11, Reply)

has she read the books?

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:17, Reply)

No, but only because she's had loads of study on and won't allow herself to get sucked into the Sookie Stackhouse Chronicles
But she will
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:17, Reply)

They're much better than the series.
The series is awesome, no doubt, but the storylines are better in the books.
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:19, Reply)

You're not the first person to say so
But I can't allow her to get into a book, much less a series of books, when there's studyin' to be had
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:24, Reply)

^^ sooooooooooooo much this ^^
i bought them under massive protest and pressure and got addicted within about 3 pages. eric and sookie - sigh. have only flipped over the tv version once or twice, looked more like suckie.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:40, Reply)

hmmm.....really, the only complaints I have thus far are Maryanne and the fact they chose Evan Rachel Wood for the Queen, I mean really, wtf

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 20:08, Reply)

I have no interest in either subject.
I'm just here waiting for I am Earl to start on the telly.
( girlinthehole, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:24, Reply)

When's it on?

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:26, Reply)

7.30 on E4 +1

( girlinthehole, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:27, Reply)

What are you having for dinner?

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:28, Reply)

Had it.
Crab, chilli and spagetti.

What about you?
( girlinthehole, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:31, Reply)

Sure
you can have me for dinner if you like
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:32, Reply)

I think I have room for some sweet old Bert for afters.

( girlinthehole, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:33, Reply)

Sweet?
Haven't you heard? I'm very, very bitter.

So when are you gazzing me your address for the bash?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:34, Reply)

I wasn't aware you were turning up.

( girlinthehole, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:36, Reply)

I'm tagging along with... erm...
That one with the funny nose.

We're sharing a sleeping bag in your loft
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:38, Reply)

The one with the funny nose?
Al isn't coming.
( girlinthehole, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:43, Reply)

No, the other one
you know the one, the one with the gammy leg, and the hair like Leo Sayer.

Invite me dammit!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:46, Reply)

I don't have to.
It's an open invite for all B3tans apart from those I don't like. Luckily you don't fall into that catagory.
( girlinthehole, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:47, Reply)

Wait, I'm confused by your double negative
did you just say that you don't like me?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:51, Reply)

No I'm saying I don't hate you.
If you're serious about turning up then email me for details. I'm off to do some ironing.
( girlinthehole, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:53, Reply)

Awww..... Thanks, BGB
I don't hate you too
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:54, Reply)

You have to prepare him first by dropping him in boiling water
Rather like a lobster. Ignore the screams, wait till he goes bright pink and serve.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 19:38, Reply)