Plummeted face first
in to the pavement, breaking my nose. I found this hilarious, although it must be said not as hilarious as my mother did, who was stood nearby at the time and laughed so hard she practically wet herself.


EDIT - came in after a night out pissed once, had a quick wee and then wandered in to the front room shedding clothes en route (as I am prone to do when drunk) forgetting somehow between the front door and the lounge that I'd invited some mates over and they were all sat on the sofa staring as I staggered in naked. I'm such a classy bird, me.
(berk, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 14:52, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Reading your edit
I now have doubts about your real reason for sneaking off early the other night...
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 14:58, Reply)

Pfft
I'll have you know I was very well behaved. For that kind of debauchery (or possibly forgetfulness) you have to have got me drunk, gosh...I don't know. Maybe three or even four times?
(berk, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 15:05, Reply)

please come to more bashes
at least three or four.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 15:57, Reply)

You're going to Soni, right?
Let me know where you pitch your tent :-)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 15:04, Reply)

Indeed, and although tempted as I now am
to go festival streaking, it's really, really much better for all concerned if I don't. I would definitely be game for meeting up and drinking some warm strongbow or something though.
(berk, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 15:08, Reply)

But if you go streaking
It will surely help the rest of them to 'pitch tents'...?
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 15:09, Reply)

Are you suggesting that we attempt to hammer in tent pegs using our erect phalluses?
Ouch
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 15:14, Reply)

I hate to think
what the sight of my pasty body wobbling full speed through the murk would do to the tender brains of the drunk, high and hallucinating. I'd probably scar whole generations of festival-goers for life.
(berk, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 15:15, Reply)

If you think a naked woman is the most unpleasant thing a festival-goer can see
you clearly havent used a toilet on Monday morning at Glastonbury
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 15:18, Reply)

No I haven't
but this is mostly because I've never been to Glastonbury. I assume the principle is the same at other festivals, but I have never braved the toilets later than sunday night: Superman has nothing on the clenching powers of my bowels when confronted with a choice of portaloo or waiting til I get home.
(berk, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 15:26, Reply)

Glastonbury have blocks of toilets which all empty into one trough several feet below
if you peer into the bowl as you pee (male, obv) you can see, and smell, most vividly, a swamp composed entirely of what over a hundred thousand festival-goers sphincters have rejected.

Glasses wearers are advised not to indulge
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 15:30, Reply)

The long drops?
Yeah. Leeds has them too, although Reading doesn't, strangely. Or at least not that I ever found. I have had the dubious pleasure of hearing, whilst gingerly and hoveringly evacuating my bladder, a horror-struck wail of 'Nooooooomyfuckingphooooooone' followed by a small 'splish' and lots of sniggering. Bleurgh. I can only hope its owner decided to leave it as a sacrifice to the faecal gods and didn't attempt to retrieve it.

At least they don't smell as bad as the portaloos.
(berk, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 15:38, Reply)

That is possibly the funniest festival anecdote I've ever heard
and it has strengthened my resolve to buy a neck strap before Sonisphere
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 15:50, Reply)

Clearly you've never heard the story of Leeds 09 Poo Girl.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 15:55, Reply)

*Sits comfortably, grabs popcorn*
Go ahead :-)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 15:56, Reply)

It's minging
Even if my wallet had a hundred pounds in it nothing would make me reach in to get it back.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 15:57, Reply)

incidentally
did you see the videos of Mud man from Glasto last year?

that was my old dealer.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 15:57, Reply)

you are going to be blown away by this one then
www.b3ta.com/questions/festivals/post440244
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 15:56, Reply)

You can keep yer filthy cider
But in principle that sounds spiffing. Friend me or summat
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 15:15, Reply)

my first boyfriend got really drunk and when he got in he threw up in the hallway.
He said that for some reason he didn't want to get vomit on his clothes so he took them all off before starting to clean up the mess, whereupon his father came down and found him naked, on all fours, scrubbing the carpet.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 15:05, Reply)

Puke doesn't bother me much. Never has.
As a result of which I am the Nominated Household Puke Cleaner Upperer.
And I always do so wearing as little as possible. Then go in the shower.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 28 Jun 2010, 16:13, Reply)