My other half
occasionally leaves his facebook logged in on my laptop. The first time he did it, I had a nosy but brief scroll down his front page, and the outpouring of chavly dribble of the 'rip babez ur wiv da angles now' variety prompted me to remark: 'Christ, you don't half know some fuckwits'. He gloomily told me that about 50% of the nonsense on there was the work of two of his cousins, both of whom he had tried to defriend several times but who simply kept re-adding him and then whining when he turned them down.
Typical example:
'OMG i jus saw a fuckin dog take a shit!!!!11! thatz like well funneh innit' etc. Christ I despair of the whole human race sometimes.
(berk, Tue 13 Jul 2010, 23:25, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Sometimes I really try not to be so distant
and join in a bit, to make family gatherings less buttock-clenchy.
It doesn't work. I don't want to buy knocked off Juicy tracksuits.
If she had knocked off New Look I might be into it.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 13 Jul 2010, 23:28, Reply)

if you're going to shoplift
or knock things out why not go for the good stuff?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 13 Jul 2010, 23:31, Reply)

Ah, the ones
made of velour with writing across the arse? Nice. Your family is almost as classy as mine*

*No offence, like...
(berk, Tue 13 Jul 2010, 23:31, Reply)

To be fair, my mother's side aren't quite as rough
They're common and clinically fucking bonkers, but I can have proper conversations with them and express my opinions and probably be agreed with rather than laughed at or glassed.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 13 Jul 2010, 23:33, Reply)

I saw someone off the internet fall off a chair in Yorkshire once.
It was well mint. I couldn't help stauch the trickle of blood for chuckling in mild amusement.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 13 Jul 2010, 23:35, Reply)