PAGE THREE OF THE SUN
THEOBAN, 28, DISAPPROVES OF DAVID CAMERON'S POLICY ON RAOUL MOAT
ALSO ON PAGES FOUR, FIVE AND SIX
FREE BAG OF HIS HAIR WITH EVERY PURCHASE
( Theoban What of it, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:22, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

This is possibly the sexiest thing ever
and I've had sex, so I know
( broadsword, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:23, Reply)

Please can you tell us about this 'sex' that I've heard of
I've only seen one thing that was about sex and that was a picture that I found on a railway siding that had a diagram of two chinchillas eating salmon off each other's backs whilst a yawning fat man sat in the corner of his room in a dressing gown touching his winky and winking. Is it like that?
( Theoban What of it, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:25, Reply)

That is EXACTLY what it is like
but with more winking
( broadsword, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:28, Reply)

Nothing like a good wink
Lets the ladies know where they're at

*finger guns*
( Theoban What of it, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:28, Reply)

*winks*

( broadsword, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:33, Reply)

No, it's a bouncy hug
Like your dad does to aunty Sandra when your mum's in the Kwiksave and the betting shop
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:28, Reply)

I think this is a lie because my mother would never visit Kwiksave due to the spelling
We are atrocious snobs you see. You felching turtle you.
( Theoban What of it, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:29, Reply)

she puts it in Waitrose bags

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:29, Reply)

She wouldn''t go to Waitrose either, that place is *too* snobby.
I'm beginning to think you don't know my family at all. You snuffling cock hound, you.
( Theoban What of it, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:31, Reply)

i know your mother

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:31, Reply)

LOTS of people 'know' her.
Repeatedly.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:32, Reply)

Alright auntie Sandra
Stop knobbing dad, ta
( Theoban What of it, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:33, Reply)

but he always found me the prettier tartier sister

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:34, Reply)

If I come into the kitchen one more time and find you windmilling on his gristle tube I'm going to phone the police

( Theoban What of it, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:36, Reply)

They won't believe you
and I'll tell your mum you put your finger up your bum when you watch Eggheads
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:37, Reply)

Silly Roota, Mummy helps me slide it up there until the knuckle
How do you think I navigate the bends?
( Theoban What of it, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:38, Reply)

You do it underwater?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:40, Reply)

In a special suit I had made by NASA that has a bumhole section cut out for easy access
I sometimes fill the suit with slugs before I put it on so they can nestle under my winky's hood
( Theoban What of it, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:41, Reply)

And on that note,
I'm off home!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:42, Reply)

So she's pitched at around the Sainsbury's level?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:32, Reply)

Yeah pretty much
Hang around the delicatessen aisle and she'll be yours
( Theoban What of it, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:34, Reply)

...lasciviously gesturing towards the salami and winking....

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:40, Reply)

If you rub paté on your bumhole she'll come charging at you like a horny rhino

( Theoban What of it, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:43, Reply)