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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Has everyone died?



I do hope so.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:01, 119 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
Show us yer tits
/ac
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:03, Reply)


(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:05, Reply)
I understand the confusion, however the request was to see your mammary glands

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:17, Reply)
*puzzled face* Oh.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:27, Reply)
Haha, yeah
seriously, get your tits out
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:46, Reply)
Nope, I'm still about.
This working from home lark is fucking great.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:04, Reply)
*hilarious strikethrough about wanking*

(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:05, Reply)
*slaps thigh*
Good one, Dev, good one!!!!!
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:05, Reply)
*wipes tear from eye*
I'm MAD, me.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:09, Reply)
Ker-azy mentalist that you are.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:10, Reply)
I've got a WACKY tie on.

(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:12, Reply)
'The Simpsons', I trust?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:14, Reply)
Oh, rather.
I keep yelling 'D'OH!' so people know that a) I am in with 'The Times' and b) in the hope that my colleagues will think I have some kind of natural wit, as if it wasn't evidenced enough by my tie. I've also got a little sign on my desk that says "YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE MAD TO WORK HERE BUT IT HELPS" and I point it out to all the new staff.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:17, Reply)
You are Colin Hunt AICMFP

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:25, Reply)
I'm sat in a vat of margarine with electrodes attached to my scrotum
because I'm working from home and can wear what I bally well like without the man giving me withering stares.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:14, Reply)
You've been spying haven't you?

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:06, Reply)
I never stopped, duckie.

(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:09, Reply)
CEILING DiT IS WATCHIN YOU MASTERBAIT

(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:12, Reply)
Oh that reminded me of the LolChomp...

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:21, Reply)
only less creepy

(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:58, Reply)

work rap
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:17, Reply)
I'M NOT DEAD!
I feel happy! I feel happy!
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:04, Reply)

I'M NOT MY WIFE IS
feel happy! keep her embalmed corpse in the living room and pretend she's still alive via an elaborate system of ropes and pulleys.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:07, Reply)
Weekend at Tightly's
Box office #1 written all over it.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:10, Reply)
I'm going to see Spamalot next weekend.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:07, Reply)
It is BRILLIANT, right.

(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:08, Reply)
I NOES!
Saw in London a few years back; now it's on tour and coming to Newcastle.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:10, Reply)
*Jealous*

(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:12, Reply)
The tickets were fairly reasonably priced too.
Unlike in London where we paid £100 to sit up in the bloody gods.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:16, Reply)
Show us yer tits

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:22, Reply)
I'm ALIVE!

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:10, Reply)
ME TOO!
Good, innit?

Well, sort of.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:11, Reply)
On the whole, it's good

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:11, Reply)
Let's leave your hole out of this for once, eh?

(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:12, Reply)
If you leave it out of my hole for once

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:13, Reply)
Would that it were that easy.

(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:15, Reply)
Villainous wretch

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:19, Reply)
GORDON!

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:11, Reply)
Guv ;)

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:12, Reply)

DODO.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:11, Reply)
That's what I was singing as I typed it

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:12, Reply)
:D

(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:12, Reply)
Ever hear the Tommy James & The Shondells version?
It's excellent.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:15, Reply)
Monty, you're gibbering
it's time for your meds old boy.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:17, Reply)
It's always time for MDs in Boyce Towers...

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:28, Reply)
Much prefer this here Don Fardon one

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:19, Reply)

ere Don F
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:20, Reply)
I just GOLed

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:20, Reply)
Guffed out loud...?

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:22, Reply)
Is that an internet acronym for
Gone on a long journey to Ogle broadswords penis, fuck me, the Length?
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:23, Reply)
Giggled
Fuckers
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:23, Reply)
Don's version is one of my favourite singles
I can't play it out any more because of that fucking advert.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:26, Reply)
That Dodo does my signature move for a nanosecond
My dad noticed it
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:27, Reply)
Hang on, just realised I haven't asked to see your tits yet
show us yer tits

apologies for the oversight
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:29, Reply)
i'm on a motorway
(the a14 and the a1 GO GO) but i don't know which one.
Surely you wouldn't wish me dead?
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:11, Reply)
Maybe just really badly injured.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:16, Reply)
I'll do a chompy
and when I buy you your drink, I'll get it ever so slightly wrong.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:19, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post792827
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:19, Reply)
i'm in a car!

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:25, Reply)
DOT COMMMMMM

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:28, Reply)
I had people convinced I wrote the music to that advert
mind you, this post could be a double bluff
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:31, Reply)
Oh I only wish I was dead
LOL
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:14, Reply)
Show us yer tits
/ac
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:18, Reply)
*BADOOMF BADOOMF*
THERE YOU GO LOVER
HAIRY AS THE DAY I WAS BORN
GET CHORE ANDS ON ME LUVVERLY CHEBS
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:20, Reply)
I TELLS YOU WHAT
THEMS SOME CRACKING FRUPS YOU GOT ON YOU THEOBAN
YOU SHOULD BE A MODEL. EH? PHWOOAR
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:21, Reply)
PAGE THREE OF THE SUN
THEOBAN, 28, DISAPPROVES OF DAVID CAMERON'S POLICY ON RAOUL MOAT
ALSO ON PAGES FOUR, FIVE AND SIX
FREE BAG OF HIS HAIR WITH EVERY PURCHASE
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:22, Reply)
This is possibly the sexiest thing ever
and I've had sex, so I know
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:23, Reply)
Please can you tell us about this 'sex' that I've heard of
I've only seen one thing that was about sex and that was a picture that I found on a railway siding that had a diagram of two chinchillas eating salmon off each other's backs whilst a yawning fat man sat in the corner of his room in a dressing gown touching his winky and winking. Is it like that?
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:25, Reply)
That is EXACTLY what it is like
but with more winking
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:28, Reply)
Nothing like a good wink
Lets the ladies know where they're at

*finger guns*
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:28, Reply)
*winks*

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:33, Reply)
No, it's a bouncy hug
Like your dad does to aunty Sandra when your mum's in the Kwiksave and the betting shop
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:28, Reply)
I think this is a lie because my mother would never visit Kwiksave due to the spelling
We are atrocious snobs you see. You felching turtle you.
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:29, Reply)
she puts it in Waitrose bags

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:29, Reply)
She wouldn''t go to Waitrose either, that place is *too* snobby.
I'm beginning to think you don't know my family at all. You snuffling cock hound, you.
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:31, Reply)
i know your mother

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:31, Reply)
LOTS of people 'know' her.
Repeatedly.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:32, Reply)
Alright auntie Sandra
Stop knobbing dad, ta
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:33, Reply)
but he always found me the prettier tartier sister

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:34, Reply)
If I come into the kitchen one more time and find you windmilling on his gristle tube I'm going to phone the police

(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:36, Reply)
They won't believe you
and I'll tell your mum you put your finger up your bum when you watch Eggheads
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:37, Reply)
Silly Roota, Mummy helps me slide it up there until the knuckle
How do you think I navigate the bends?
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:38, Reply)
You do it underwater?

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:40, Reply)
In a special suit I had made by NASA that has a bumhole section cut out for easy access
I sometimes fill the suit with slugs before I put it on so they can nestle under my winky's hood
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:41, Reply)
And on that note,
I'm off home!
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:42, Reply)
So she's pitched at around the Sainsbury's level?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:32, Reply)
Yeah pretty much
Hang around the delicatessen aisle and she'll be yours
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:34, Reply)
...lasciviously gesturing towards the salami and winking....

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:40, Reply)
If you rub paté on your bumhole she'll come charging at you like a horny rhino

(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:43, Reply)
I'm not dead
I think I'll go for a walk.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:17, Reply)
*hilarious strikethrough about wanking*

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:18, Reply)
I'll *hilarious strikethrough about wanking* YOU in a minute young man

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:19, Reply)
I'm an environmental poster
And will recycle other people's material for the sake of a cheap shot.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:24, Reply)
I'll recycle other people's material for the sake of a cheap shot YOU in a minute young man

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:28, Reply)
Show us yer tits

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:35, Reply)
Not yet.
However, am now off to drink myself into a stupor so we'll see how much that does to accelerate the process.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:25, Reply)
Don't forget the brace to support your wrists
Otherwise there will be much spillage and an unending frustration at the fact that this night has so far cost you ninety quid and you only feel as if you have an extremely mild case of nausea.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:28, Reply)
It's alright,
I have found that pina coladas are much lighter than pints of beer and therefore suitable for my limp wrists to support as I teapot my way around the bar.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:31, Reply)

It's alright,
I have found that pina coladas are much lighter than pints of beer and therefore suitable for my limp wrists to support as I teapot my way around the bar.

Actually, I can't think of anything as a strikethrough at the moment as the image of you 'teapotting' around the bar is making me grin like a mong that's discovered wanking for the first time.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:36, Reply)
I don't know whether to go to the pub
Or to snuggle up at home with half a bottle of wine and the bf's beers.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:29, Reply)

beer cock

MULTICOCK
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:30, Reply)
He's 200 miles away you terrible cunt

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:31, Reply)
So? I'm 1000 miles away, doesn't stop me waggling my willy

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:32, Reply)
Waggle away
Neither willy will affect me
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:34, Reply)
You underestimate the power of my penis
I should probably stop posting now
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:37, Reply)
*legs it*

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:37, Reply)
Home alone for me tonight as the missus is on a girly night out.
I say home alone, SJ will be here with his girlfriend but as they will be locked in his bedroom playing tiddlywinks, it means I can watch what the fuck I like on the telly and drink wine.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:31, Reply)
If I stay in (and judging by the weather, I reckon I will)
then the cat had better want to be my mate or I'll be well pissed off
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:33, Reply)
You mate with your cat?
*phones rspca*
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:34, Reply)
He's had them cut off so we can't 'mate'
It's Platonic. In that he hates me and I try to hug him when he is near me.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:36, Reply)
Awww I've got a stray with no bollocks, ugly as sin but I love him
but yeah, not physically
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:37, Reply)
Exactly

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:40, Reply)
Show us yer tits

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:48, Reply)
I've gone home

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 18:26, Reply)
Invest in a 2-foot straw.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:30, Reply)
Nice one, show us yer tits

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:36, Reply)
NOT YET HAHA FOOLED YOU
*sigh*
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 18:01, Reply)

♥ K Swizzle! ♥
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 18:06, Reply)

♥ βΓΘãDςωδΓD ♥
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 18:10, Reply)

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