I want to start cock-gazzing
but am unsure of some of the niceties of the procedure.

Does one photograph one's old chap from above or below? If the latter, is it poor form to have one's gurning visage visible in the background? And lighting - is a spotlight vulgar or merely arty? Have you found black and white or colour to be most effective?

And is a followup flaccid-gaz a bit too honest? Are there any pitfalls you can help me avoid?

Sometimes Debrett's is woefully inadequate.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 22:19, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Don't use your own cock.

( thealternativefact, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 22:20, Reply)

What are you implying here?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 22:23, Reply)

See my reply below.
Clendrix is a lady of some good taste and sensible advice. She does a grown up job in the big city, and is invariably right on such matters.

I didn't get where I am today by being myself, you know.
(Craig Colclough I've been on the telly you know. And in the papers, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 22:25, Reply)

Look, it was cold alright?
And I'd been under a lot of pressure at work.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 22:26, Reply)

I'm not judging you.
It's just that after the last photo, I had a sudden craving for cocktail sausages.
( thealternativefact, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 22:29, Reply)

He wraps it in bacon at christmas

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 22:39, Reply)

It was a geometric distortion* due to the angle of the camera.
It looked like I'm hung like a baby mouse, I'll give you that, but in reality I'm more akin to a RAMPANT VOLE.


*science talk, you won't understand
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 22:41, Reply)

I concede.
You are like a rampant vole.
( thealternativefact, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 22:45, Reply)

*does the Lambeth Walk*
YESSSSSS!!!!! ROUND ONE TO MONTYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

*does Frank Drebin baseball dance*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 22:46, Reply)

It depends on how well you know them.
I'd suggest an invitation to the opera as an opening gambit, personally.

If you are going gaz a picture of your cock to an unsuspecting lady, I'd suggest that you get someone else to stand in as a stunt double, to add to the illusion.
(Craig Colclough I've been on the telly you know. And in the papers, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 22:23, Reply)

to add to the illusion so it can be captured without need for a microscopic lens.
( thealternativefact, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 22:27, Reply)

I've got a really nice personality
and I shower daily AND brush my teeth a lot. AND I have a high IQ.

Fido never puts me down like this, I can tell you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 22:28, Reply)

Yeh.
That stuff totally matters after the pub on a Friday night.
( thealternativefact, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 22:29, Reply)

More importantly
do you swallow ?
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 22:31, Reply)

Monty takes it nasally if the rumours are true.

(Craig Colclough I've been on the telly you know. And in the papers, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 22:34, Reply)

It's more of a lapping motion.
Then I lie in my basket and dream of owning a computer shop, wagging my little tail.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 22:38, Reply)

Utopia indeed

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 22:41, Reply)

It may take
more than Winalot to reel this one in Monty.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 22:35, Reply)

*ugrades to a liberal sprinkling of powdered Iams in the pubes*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 22:43, Reply)

Well, that as well.
Would you like to marry me? We could honeymoon at the South Pole; it would be excellent.
(Craig Colclough I've been on the telly you know. And in the papers, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 22:29, Reply)

I'll only do it if none of your fucking family comes to the wedding.

( thealternativefact, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 22:30, Reply)

Since none of my family (or friends or best man, come to that) came to my last wedding
consider it a deal.
(Craig Colclough I've been on the telly you know. And in the papers, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 22:32, Reply)