The bus driver
I got on this morning, paid for my £2.10 ticket with a Tenner, and apologised saying "Sorry, it's all I've got", with a sheepish smile.

He looked at the note like it was coated in shit, then at me, before taking the money, and printing the ticket. He then gave me the change in coins, before sarcastically saying "Sorry, it's all I've got", and just sounding a twat.

Fucking hate wankers like that.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 8:44, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

ahh the old bus change argument
I don't get the bus very often, but I'll be pleased when eventually everything can be paid for by card, I'm rubbish with carrying money. Bus drivers would love me though because I always have to make it up out of crappy bits of change because I'm usually skint.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 8:46, Reply)

I generally avoid public transport, due to it containing the public. They're mostly cunts.

(Cave Duck, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 8:52, Reply)

mostly
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 8:53, Reply)

I walk to work so I get to avoid the public for the most part.
I see a lot of magpies, they seem pretty sound.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 8:58, Reply)

Magpies are cunts.
They kill all the pretty birds.

I know it's nature and all that stuff, they are naturally cunts.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 9:02, Reply)

You're getting 'magpies' mixed up with 'Peter Sutcliffe'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 9:03, Reply)

Only some of his victims were pretty
The non-prostitute ones obviously.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 9:09, Reply)

none of them looked pretty after he'd bashed them with a claw hammer

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 9:11, Reply)

It was a ball pein hammer.
*pedant*
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 9:13, Reply)

You know too much about this.
I still think Denis Nielson was the strangest. According to the book about him by Brian Masters, Nielson had such a thing about death he used to cover himself in make up to look like a corpse, before standing in front of a mirror to have a wank. I don't want to know how Brian Masters found this out.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 9:16, Reply)

How fucking cool is that.
Still not a patch on Albert Fish though.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 9:17, Reply)

had to look him up. Fucking hell.
Wiki' includes the following quotes "Next day about 2 P.M., I took tools, a good heavy cat-of-nine tails. Home made. Short handle. Cut one of my belts in half, slit these halves in six strips about 8 inches long. I whipped his bare behind till the blood ran from his legs. I cut off his ears – nose – slit his mouth from ear to ear. Gouged out his eyes. He was dead then. I stuck the knife in his belly and held my mouth to his body and drank his blood".

Now that is seriously fucked up.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 9:26, Reply)

oh who hasn't done that on a night out?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 9:32, Reply)

Albert Fish
is the originator of the 'Lord's Prayer Wank' - he was discovered having one by his son.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 9:40, Reply)

I prefer to say I'm widely read.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 9:18, Reply)

what the fuck is wrong with your Magpies?
ours don't do that.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Sep 2010, 9:11, Reply)

it's the recession

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 9:12, Reply)

....I can't tell if you're being serious or not.
I like magpies. ours are lovely, they sing pretty songs.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Sep 2010, 9:20, Reply)

I'm not
I don't think the recession has caused magpies to become extra aggressive. I didn't know they were so mean, they look so pretty.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 9:22, Reply)

'stralian Magpies are different to european ones.
Ours are medium size crows which raid nests and generally bully anything smaller than themselves. Thet are also cowards, and fly away at the least sign of danger.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 9:22, Reply)

ohhhhhhhhhh.
Ours aren't even same species as crows. And they're pretty plucky. But it's funny watching sparrows harrass them.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Sep 2010, 9:27, Reply)

that's one of the reasons I want to move to Aus
we have pigeons, you have parrots.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 9:36, Reply)

We have parrots too now.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 9:39, Reply)

I did see a load in the trees when I was in a boat on the Thames
that was pretty cool. We have a pigeon family living just below our skylight, every morning he pokes his head in and croos at us. Wiggy hates him.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 9:50, Reply)

also we have pigeons too.

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Sep 2010, 9:51, Reply)

there are whole rhymes about magpies here
and how seeing different numbers of them impacts on our lives. If you see one you have to salute to avoid bad luck.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 9:39, Reply)