I've just been informed that I've really fucked some girl off.
Thing is, I've got absolutely no idea whatsoever as to what it is I've done.

Is it wrong of me to have replied to the last text message I received from her saying 'if you don't know what you've done, then I'm not telling you' with... 'Fuck off. Never contact me again'.

I'm still none the wiser. I thought the wife was mental. This is even more strange.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 21:53, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

no i hate when women do that
Just fucking tell them men aren't fucking psychic
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 21:56, Reply)

She has replied with
'Don't be like that'

I've ignored her and have no intention of entering into any further communications.

You excited about your move TGB?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 21:58, Reply)

yes
Especially as I've been shortlisted for a job from over 450 people. No interview yet but fingers crossed
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:23, Reply)

Well done on being shortlisted.
What role are you up for?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:24, Reply)

administrator / projects assistant
Sounds like a really cool job but I'm not getting too excited..... well not too excited.
I think I'd be awesome for it though
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:28, Reply)

Well good luck with that.
**JTDF beams with pride at not mentioning boxes and a high number of people living in them in London, meaning you'd be a real asset to the capital**

Hey - you won't win the raffle if you don't buy a ticket!

That's fantastic to get short-listed from that number of people though. Is that similar work to what you're doing at the moment?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:31, Reply)

youre getting a scowl right now

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:32, Reply)

What kind of projects?
And well done on the shortlisting.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:31, Reply)

marketing stuff
And thanks you're much better than Jeff
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:33, Reply)

Sorry TGB
I have said twice that it's fantastic you've been shortlisted.

The box comment was flippant, and I wish to retract that. May I?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:36, Reply)

All that stuff seems so vague to me.
I don't mean that I think it seems easy or a non-job. I genuinely mean that it evades me how a person can actually know how to 'do' it and achieve stuff.
My landlady recently suggested djtp set up his own business and I should do his marketing. just like that. Like a person can walk from working in a library to getting ahead in marketing. What a loopy old bat.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:37, Reply)

I can't comment on the marketing side of things.
But a very rough rule of thumb for managing a project is to understand what you want to achieve and when you need to achieve it. Once you've worked that out, you can work backwards from the 'live' date to identify what you need to do and when.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:38, Reply)

Sorry.
Dullest post EVER.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:39, Reply)

i dont think you can take that away from bobby

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:41, Reply)

*Is delighted that the scowl has lifted*
That made me laugh.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:42, Reply)

i cant stay mad at you

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:43, Reply)

*Does his Snoopy dance*

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:45, Reply)

Yeah Jeff
I just topped meself.

I've handled projects to an extent, like gathering data, submitting it, acting upon the decision and seeing the physical results, but that was all very dry practical stuff.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:42, Reply)

Needs moar 'lar'
A lot of these jobs are non-jobs though.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:44, Reply)

marketing is a bitch
I've dabbled before. You need to fully establish Target audience and ensure follow ups on everything.
But getting the right style and medium I think is down to experience
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:40, Reply)

Bloimey
I have only ever done anything like that on a tiny scale and in the context of the captive audience of an academic library.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:43, Reply)

its only a small part of the job so im hoping i can pick up only what i need to know!

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:46, Reply)

Good slogan
Good clear target audience, good product service, and don't smell awful or gurn like a window licker.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:49, Reply)

You had any more bites POD?
Got any other applications you're waiting to hear back on?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:51, Reply)

Waiting to hear back on some stuff
But the deadlines aren't for ages, so I won't hear back for ages. Spending most of my time doing photography just now instead, might frame up and try to sell some pics to bring some money in.

Or I'll sit about doing shit all, slowly wasting away. Easier, and a bit more appealing somehow.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:53, Reply)

Don't be afriad to chase any of these companies up if you're waiting.
Even if it's just a call to HR 'to confirm you've received my application' - at least that way, you'll know someone has looked at it.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:56, Reply)

This is what led to my awful week
Of phoning up to see if they'd made decisions and being told that yes, they'd chosen the other people.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:57, Reply)

sadtimes but dont give up!

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:00, Reply)

They're all cocks, TGB
Massive, massive, cocks, who make me turn to cider at 11am.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:01, Reply)

Call before the deadline for applications.
Better still, is if you can find on the company website the name of the director of the business unit you are applying to.

If you mail them directly (or rather mail their PA as they are probably too important to read things themselves), at least someone - maybe a decision maker - will actually see your application.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:01, Reply)

You'll be ace
because you is young and clever
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:50, Reply)

This is a wise course of action.
By that I mean I would have done it too.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:02, Reply)

I've been validated.
Thank you.

Shame, as she had nice tits. But what can you do eh?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:08, Reply)

You never know, she might show you more respect now you've shown you're assertive, hard-headed etc.
Or she might just cut her losses and carry on trying to ensnare passive saps who think with their knackers rather than their heads.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:24, Reply)

A younger me would have been that man.
Not these days. It's less about the quality of a lady's top-bollocks and more about the person.*

*But if they've got nice tits, that's a bonus. (Or so said Paul Calf).
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:26, Reply)

If I know women, and I don't.
Trying to second guess them, will ultimatly fail.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:27, Reply)

Don't try to second guess.
Scoff enough uppers that you look interested and alert but you're too blatted to say much.

It's worked for me before.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:32, Reply)

That is very close to my technique
only without the drugs.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:34, Reply)

With the current one
I was genuinely interested.

And I still am.

That may sound a bit B69 but without the gratuitous sex references.

After a lot of years of experimenting (and a divorce) it's really all about intellecutal stimulation.

Although tits help.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:40, Reply)

You are so right
I like having an argument (intellectual conversation) while looking at a smashing set of norks.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:43, Reply)

Though ideally, you want a bit of both.
As far as I'm concerned, if s/he's got a nice face, a nice arse and a suitably warped sense of humour, the rest is not that important.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:44, Reply)

I'm with The Disappointed
What has happened on here this evening? It's good advice and sensible comments left, right and center.

Wibble.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:54, Reply)

My calming influence.
Sadly, like the Green Cross Code Man, I can't be here all the time.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:56, Reply)

But you're better than Bob Carolgees and his monkey
Who also did a Green Cross Code ad.

Love that GCCM reference.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:02, Reply)

That's what happens
When you let a nearly 42 year old loose with Pinot Grigiot and a late shift tomorrow!
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:04, Reply)

Approval.
Should you feel you need it, has been granted.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:12, Reply)

Don't think I need it really
I'm an old O/T lag and I wear it like my saggy old waxed jacket - I'm just hanging around but seasonally I re-appear.

The only thing that's never changed is my user name, which I cherish like a threadbare childhood toy.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:27, Reply)

In situations like that, there is no "right" answer.
It's all falsehoods and manipulation, and the only way to win that game is not to play. Mind you, unexpectedly starting a new conversation about an unrelated and completely trivial topic is not a bad tactic.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:34, Reply)

I'm learning a lot tonight.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:36, Reply)

And me.
More than I ever got from Barbara Woodhouse.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:39, Reply)

Does she have a dog?
It might be the place to start.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:16, Reply)

Brilliant.
As far as I know, she doesn't/didn't have a dog. I hadn't thought of that. That might be it.

Should I text back with 'Look, if it's about me being a dog fucker, that's just on the internet*.'

(*and see if she buys it).
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:23, Reply)

Worth a try.
If you need a reference, I'd be happy to say that you fuck dogs.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:25, Reply)

Hang on.
This reference, will it just say 'Jeff fucks dogs' or will it be more specific than that and says 'Jeff fucks dogs on the Internet ONLY'?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:28, Reply)

jeff fucks only internet dogs

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:29, Reply)

That won't work.
If I ever get round to joining a Internet dating website and they ask me for a reference, I'll never get anywhere.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:32, Reply)

You'll have to tell me what to write.
We can tailor it to your requirements.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:32, Reply)

A classic case of the tail wagging the dog.
Hang on. I've done myself a misservice there haven't I?

I'll give it some thought, but you need to know that I'm not racist. I like all breeds.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:34, Reply)

I think you should concentrate on the problem in hand.
And stop thinking about potential canine fuckees.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:39, Reply)

Sage.
You are a wise man.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:40, Reply)

hello jeff

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 22:57, Reply)

Come here to gloat?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:03, Reply)

Play up Pompey Pompey Play up
no not really. Desperate times at City though.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:05, Reply)

Desperate yes.
But it's not too late to change.

Remember that whitey you threw the other morning after too much weed and cider? You do? Yes? That's great.

I hope the vom came out of your nose as well you gloating, West Brom losing excuse for a trainee teacher.*

*It's only been a few hours, I'll be fine in the morning, and if I don't look at the league table again.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:09, Reply)

so is David James actually shit?
Did you go? Arsenal were good tonight even Flappyhandski was good.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:12, Reply)

Nah. Portsmouth away on a Tuesday wasn't on the cards for me.
I understand a couple of thousand travelled, most missing large parts of the first half as Portsmouth didn't expect much of an away following.

From the radio, it sounded - once again - that the back 4 (and the team in general) can't defend.

Did you see that Leeds were 4-1 up against Preston and lost 6-4?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:16, Reply)

I forgot it was away
at least Rovers lost too. Yeah that is fucking retarded. How the hell does that happen?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:19, Reply)

They probably got told by someone on the bench they were really Bristol City
and NOT Leeds.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:21, Reply)

needs a drastic improvement by christmas or.......

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:22, Reply)

The 'R' word is already being mentioned by some.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:23, Reply)

rape?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:26, Reply)

Yes.
We'll rape ourselves into the play-offs.

Fool.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:27, Reply)

rugby?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:29, Reply)

The rugby team are shit as well.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:31, Reply)

rugby is shit.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:32, Reply)

I used to love playing it.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:34, Reply)

it was bollocks

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:35, Reply)

Gaymo

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:36, Reply)

He's come here to goat

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:05, Reply)

Alright Roota
how's the new job treating you?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:07, Reply)

I'm run ragged
But so far it's keeping me chipper, all that busy-ness.
How's you, Bobby Chariots?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:08, Reply)

Busy is better than bored.
All good ta, back to university soon so enjoying my last weeks of the holidays.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:10, Reply)

Our stoods are all back
Term started yesterday.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:11, Reply)

How many have pissed you off so far?

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:12, Reply)

I've been totally Good Cop this year
I've been friendly and helpful (but only to students, not to staff).
In the pub, however, I've been a haridan.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:15, Reply)

I did always enjoy finding helpful uni employees
It was a rare treat though, so was appropriately savoured.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:18, Reply)

Ryder Cup is 2 mins from my campus so we have a late start
I am dreading the emo's and cool kids. I'm 28 for fucks sake I actually want to learn.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:13, Reply)

They all have interesting fucking hair this year.
A great deal, though, are chinese and therefore have thick straight glossy hair.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:16, Reply)

I find the Japanese on campus always dress
very well. Cool looking cats.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:20, Reply)

I read that as
Cool looking staple-cooking-ingredients.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:24, Reply)

because you've been huffing glue?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:26, Reply)

No.
I don't do the Massive Drugs around here. Or sell weed to kids.

:-)
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:28, Reply)

Ya get me blood

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:29, Reply)

You are
Daddy Freddy Bobby.

*sucks teeth*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:31, Reply)

And being busy'll help the time past faster too
Do you have a big comfy chair?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:12, Reply)

It meets requirements and goes up and down
but I wouldn't call it a big comfy chair.
The days just FLY by. And the devil can't make work for me.
Conversely, I'm gaining weight. It should be falling off.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:13, Reply)

One of my aims for work
Is to have a big comfy chair. It's not really asking much of future employers.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:17, Reply)

Start putting it on the applications

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:18, Reply)

To the office furniture companies...
Get on their mailing lists and find out when they have a sale on?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:22, Reply)

I totally might
I was considering just putting ridiculously fancy words in the applications for jobs I don't really want.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 23:23, Reply)