fackin' 'ell, you must be a right blindo. ok, I'll try my special moves
*sellotapes a pug to his chest*

DO YA FANCY DOIN' SOME PRESS UPS WITH ME?!?!?
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:46, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

that's not how it works
i will just lie back and wonder if your christmas bonus will stretch to redecorating the ceiling. you can do the press-ups.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:48, Reply)

Maybe he wants to artex YOU?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:49, Reply)

meh, if he has a penis and a pulse
it's understandable
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:50, Reply)

Misguided would be my guess.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:51, Reply)

what a lezza;
Even a pug sellotaped to my body does fuck all.

I give up. Your orgasm will be half hearted from here on out, like an OAP blowing dust off a sideboard.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:51, Reply)

now look here
there's no need to get personal, just because you have no idea how to pleasure a girl! i mean, pugs be ugly.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:53, Reply)

Now this is just scadalous.
The fact that even having a pug in the room isn't enough he push out some muff cream, but also saying that just looking at me isn't as well!???!?!?!!??

I don't understand you.

I bet you're one of those girls that likes candles and in and out stimulation, you SCHLAG!

what a weirdo...
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:56, Reply)

well i don't know what you look like, do i?
you could be hotter than the lit candle or you could look like the pug licking piss off a thistle.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:58, Reply)

well imagine a hot guy licking a pug off a thistle and that's basically it

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:07, Reply)

wow oh wow
that is some specialised niche fetish porn right there.

damn this leather chair, i keep sliding off it now.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:10, Reply)

ahhh there we go
*pulls Jeff Goldblum face*
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:17, Reply)

it has, however
taken you 40 minutes to warm me up to this stage.

is that because you really believe in prolonged foreplay, or is it more a case of striking blindly around for hours until you hit the right button in the dark?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:20, Reply)

Shall I do more press ups?
I'm DG, I usually just look at woman and they fly off like a burger fountain.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:28, Reply)

can you do them one-handed?
and use the other for something more useful?

i'm not your typical woman, i am RSWIPE. hear me roar.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:32, Reply)

I can do 1 handered press ups and use the other hand to stroke various animals, like beavers and fannybeasts

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:38, Reply)

well it's only taken 50 mins to get to this stage
i think you're improving a lot, but maybe you should put "the joy of sex" on your christmas list, to be on the safe side?

you do get a bonus point for "fannybeast" though.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:44, Reply)

Nah thanks,
but seriously, everyone knows that you're playing hardball, and I'm playing too, and that you should be busting your elastic to just talk to me, and I'm all like...."...yo...I'm DG...." and I'm cool as I am.

I bet you need to wash your duvet after this thread.

Imainge me....yeah...dressed as a cowboy

Ask Lamptio. She give you the visualisation low down...
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:56, Reply)

if we are doing this properly
it will be you playing with the hardballs.

i am not wearing any elastic. just a bit of satin. i can bust that if you like?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 2:02, Reply)

He's a lanky Adonis.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 2:03, Reply)