When I was 15 I drank four litres of cider
at about two o'clock in the afternoon one Saturday - I was about to lose my virginity and was a trifle nervous. My parents were going out for the day and I met my girlfriend in the town.

End result: fountains of appley spew all over the hall and stairwell of my home. No sex. Bah.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 11:12, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

2 litres of sherry
aged just 16 - ouch! I couldnt eat for 2 days
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 11:13, Reply)

Disgraceful.
I can understand the young lady not wanting you to 'mount her' due to the vomit-breath, but she could at least have had the decency to offer oral favours.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 11:14, Reply)

She couldnt get into position as he was speaking to the porcelain god

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 11:16, Reply)

I was nowhere near the porcelain, unfortunately.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 11:18, Reply)

It's amazing that you grew up to be the paragon of self restraint that you are today

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 11:16, Reply)

It is, rather, isn't it?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 11:17, Reply)

this almost sounds a tiny bit sarcastic?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 11:17, Reply)

Good God, Holmes, I think you're right!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 11:19, Reply)

Reading this sounds like you're using the Australian Questioning Intonation.
for shame!
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 11:21, Reply)

me?
never!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 11:32, Reply)

Just a little bit
but not in a nasty way, more in a "Oh Monty, you and your massive DruGz" kind of way.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 11:54, Reply)