September last year
I had excrutiating OMG IMPENDING DEATH style pain in my stomach. Do you know what happened when I got seen (some five hours after arrival, I might add)? The doctor stuck his finger up my arse and told me to go home and take some ibuprofen. This despite not having eaten or drunk for ~36 hours and being almost unable to walk because it was too painful. Oh, and you're not supposed to take ibuprofen on an empty stomach because it can damage the lining and cause bleeding and nastiness, and thus it would be ESPECIALLY STUPID to take it on an empty, agonising belly. *belms hard*

NB, may still be bitter about the lack/quality of care received
(berk, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 16:50, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Don't know what you're moaning about
at least you got a finger up your arse.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 16:51, Reply)

Listen I really need to apologise about that.
I'm not a real doctor.


And that wasn't my finger.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 16:52, Reply)

it just felt like it
Alright Monty?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 16:57, Reply)

I'm hung like a baby mouse, it's true.
I'm OK thanks madam. Do you want me to go up the Coal Hole later?


*winks*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 16:59, Reply)

I'm not Lampito!
yes please. Bring your lovely girlfriend

Lovely of you to offer, but sadly I've phoned both fine and upstanding establishments and neither of them has had a bag handed in
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:02, Reply)

Buggeration. Unlucky.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:07, Reply)

It's rather unlucky
mother's Christmas present is gone, as is my black bow
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:09, Reply)

Ah you poor sod, that's shite.
My mother's book on lezzers women gardeners through history is safely ensconced in my bedroom.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:13, Reply)

haha that's a brilliant present
I remember you mentioning it. Was a good night, really nice to see you and lusty again :)
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:15, Reply)

I concur - much fun was had.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:22, Reply)

It was shit and dull
:D
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:26, Reply)

and I hate you :)

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:32, Reply)

I hate you right back
Your label is poking out ;)
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:37, Reply)

dammit not again

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:40, Reply)

OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE
WHAT'S WITH EVERYONE INSULTING ME TODAY?!

That's a massive shame about your bag though :(
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:33, Reply)

I'm cruel :D
and karma has got me, with the loss of this bag
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:40, Reply)

You must come back next time you're in London.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:44, Reply)

yeah I don't think I shamed myself more than usual
I had sobered right up by the time I reached home though
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:46, Reply)

Listen I really need to apologise about that.
I'm not a real doctor.


And that wasn't my finger.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 16:52, Reply)

You could have gone in dry up to the elbow
and it would still have hurt less than my stomach.
(berk, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 16:54, Reply)

Actually...
elbow wrist, maybe - I'm not Lampito.
(berk, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 16:56, Reply)

oh my

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 16:58, Reply)

I was wrist deep in myself this morning.
It was the mouth, though. Damn that little bit of bile that JUST won't come out, no matter what disgusting things you think of.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:24, Reply)

I took advantage. If it helps, I have felt terrible about it ever since.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 16:57, Reply)

terrible about it +chafed
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:03, Reply)

You are Gillian McWhatsit
AICMFP
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:09, Reply)

*faints*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:10, Reply)

I've not seen it, but from what I gather, she is a grade A twat.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:12, Reply)

Neither have I
but she's a fraudulent hunchback who should be burnt as a witch.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:22, Reply)

should be burnt as looks like. Burning is too quick - the raddled old hag ought to be force fed her own faeces until her brain melts.
(berk, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:25, Reply)

She'd probably enjoy that,
the faecally-fixated crone.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:39, Reply)

Ugh
I don't want her anywhere near my arse thanks - even Monty's cock would be preferable to her finger. I cannot stand the woman.
(berk, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:13, Reply)

I don't think you wanting to avoid Gillian McKeith means you have to let Monty fuck you up the arse.
But I'm sure Monty will confirm one way or the other.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:18, Reply)

Of course not
but if it was a choice between the two..
(berk, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:19, Reply)

Yes it does.

*sotto voce* fucking shut UP Jeff, I think it's working
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:21, Reply)

Thank you for your kind offer
but I'm afraid my bottom is south bound traffic only. I think I have Lamper's number if you want some poop-chute action though.
(berk, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:23, Reply)

I think I'd better have a go all the same.
Just to be on the safe side.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:25, Reply)

You're in Monts.
All you have to do is get that McKeith woman in sight of berk.

I suggest your tactic is to write to McKeith and say you know where she can get another free PhD 'no questions asked'.

Then go to berks flat with her, and threaten an introduction.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:25, Reply)

I'll tell McKeith
that I'm offering her an honorary degree in Poo Studies, and tell her to collect it from Berk's address. Then all I have to do is take up my usual position in the bushes outside her house and wait for the old hag to arrive.

*high fives self*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:27, Reply)