First time with the opposite sex...
I was 15, as was she. We'd been going out for a few weeks and all we'd done was tickle each others tonsils and grope around blindly. It was then decided we'd take things to the next level. So one hot, summers night her parents were out and we were home alone and in the words of Tinie Tempah things started getting frisky. I took it upon myself to go first, having a bit of an exploration with my hands which she seemed to enjoy. Then it was her turn. I noticed at first she had a vice-like grip but being the novice I was I thought that's how things were.

The next moments were the most painful of my life. I have no idea what she thought she was supposed to be doing but without getting too graphic she slammed her hand downwards at a terrific speed and with such force I felt a horrific pain that made me jolt from lying horizontal on her bed to in the vertical position three feet in the air in nanoseconds.

I admit I let out a somewhat girly shriek but as far as I knew she'd just destroyed my manhood. Looking down at my poor member I noted blood. Quite a profuse amount actually. Despite her vocal apologies and how it was an accident I rapidly got dressed and ran as fast as the pain would allow me home (she only lived half a mile down the road from me) and further inspected the damage.

At the time I didn't know exactly what she'd done, other than ripped something but years later I now know she tore my banjo. It bled a fair bit for the first few days but after about two weeks things were as good as new.

I dumped her a week after.


Length? It went from hero to zero in less than ten seconds!
(CableDolt is on the mind of a girl near you on, Sun 1 Aug 2010, 23:38, 6 replies)

ha, I remember that 'tomato ketchup' ad too

( @><|= w0nu!) or cunt to my friends, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 0:00, closed)

Ouch
I did this to my tongue while kissing someone. It swelled up and I talked with a lisp for 2 days and could only eat soup and ice cream.

Then it was okay and now I have an extra flexible tongue
(Marmite Omelette ...but I feel better having screamed, don't you?, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 2:08, closed)

I 'helped' a bloke snap his once, quite horrifically,
but as my kids read on here, I daren't describe it!
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 9:52, closed)

I was playing Gran Turismo on the ps2
at my mates' flat when his flatmate ran into the living room, bollock naked clutching his manhood which was leaking claret. a very shellshocked young beauty student was streaked with blood, wrapped in a sheet sitting on the bed. she didnt look in a good way and the "unstrung" hero had to go to casualty.

we decided it was best not to question the blood all over her face..... lolz
(Monkeystrumpet monkey. Monkey, MONKEY!!!, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 10:36, closed)

ahhh yes, i've done this too. Didn't hurt that much when it broke, but i could barely move for about 8 hours afterwards! And there was a lot of blood, was literally pouring out!
(Deligrams, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:14, closed)

ah yes, done this twice
first time I must admit, I kinda freaked out. It wasn't so much that it hurt, though obviously it did sting a bit, more the feeling of 'OH MY GOD MY COCK IS BROKEN YOUR FLANGE JUST BROKE MY COCK CHRIST IT'S BLEEDING OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK MY FUCKING COCK IS BROOOOOOOOOKEEEEEEEN!!!!!!' I wanted to call an ambulance. Well, actually, I wanted to call several ambulances, as many cock-consultants as exist and all the GPs in south-west england. And a fire engine. Just in case. She just told me to stop be a baby and stop bleeding on her sheets.

Second time was more like, huh, ok then. Carry on. She was on the blob at the time so didn't even notice.

Hmmmm, just read that through. Cock-consultants sounds rather ambiguous.
( kappynitty doubled your entendre on, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 15:54, closed)