painful ones
I used to have a pair of inflatable shoes, but a stood on a nail and popped my clogs.

I walked into a pub eating a wooden mallet, the barman says "do you do that for a living?", to which I replied, "no, I'm just a hammer chewer"

I cut off the bottom of my trousers and took them to the library. I said to the librarian "there's a turn up for the books".

Just rent out a Tim Vine DVD for thousands more...
(plankton, Fri 6 Mar 2009, 14:03, Reply)