I didn't 'do' this as such
But I'm still ashamed.

A few years ago I had a nad cancer scare, so trotted off to the doctor's for an appointment. Not wanting to wait weeks to see my own GP, I took the first appointment they had with a locum.

Now, I was slightly perturbed to find that the quack who would be doing the preliminary examination was a devastatingly stunning young lady GP, straight out of med school by the look of it. Her long hair tumbled seductively over her shoulders; her eyes glinted in the sunshine, and as I sat in the chair with my pants round my ankles, knob hanging and bollocks on display, I had to mentally will myself to not react as she started prodding my knacker sack with her incredibly dainty yet masterful fingers.

Did it work? Did it fuck.

However, instead of swelling proudly and spluffing magnificently all over her white coat as she caressed my nervous testes, the thing decided to make like Tommy the bloody tortoise, and retreated as far back into my body as it would possibly go, sumo style.

Fucking bastard. That was the longest cunting examination of my life...

I may have whimpered at one point.

On the plus side, it turned out to be a fatty cyst, so that's good. Chaps, if you feel a lump, get it checked out. Chances are it'll be nothing
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 19:54, 8 replies)

The last time I had a physical
I was examined by a very pretty little brunette. I did manage to keep it in control and not get excited as she was prodding me, but the real reason I was grateful to have her examining me was that, as a man over 40, she had to check my prostate.

My regular doctor has hands like a blacksmith.

(On the other hand, she could have at least bought me a drink first!)
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 20:00, closed)

You *did* use that line, I hope
It may (just may) have been the very first time she had heard it.

Then again, maybe not, eh?
( Ghoti Fingers, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 20:14, closed)

When a woman has her hand in your arse
and your testicles in her grip, you don't make any smart-ass jokes.

She might try to insert one into the other.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 20:35, closed)

Having had something similar growing in my ballsack
I couldnt agree more. Oh, and the person who examined me was an elderly gentleman... fuck...
( SpankyHanky, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 20:23, closed)

Similar
When at university I had a bit of a urinary infection so trotted off to the doctor. I was just about to go into his office when he casually said "I've got a medical student working with me, you don't mind?" I was caught off guard and immediately muttered no problem, only to find the med student was a gorgeous female med student. I drop my trousers and pants, doc proceeds to prod my todger with his pen. Todger does said Tommy Turtle trick and disappears. Doctor : "Is it always this small?" Beautiful med student hides behind clipboard and giggles hysterically. I felt I got my own back on the doctor though when he thoughtfully sucked on the end of his pen while pondering how to complete my prescription.
(Smale is stuffed, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 20:33, closed)

ahahahahahaha
the penis mightier than the sword indeed.
(Roopy all is not what it seams, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 20:58, closed)

Hahaha!
Excellent.
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 23:45, closed)

I too have had a cyst
And I too have done the Tommy the Turtle trick.
You might think that I was lucky having a male doctor, but I'm gay and so was he, and he knew it. We have no shame and no mercy when it comes to passing comment on each other's endowments so he took delight in making a show of pulling out a magnifying-glass-headset and some tweezers.

It's normal for Tommy to run away at the doctors. It's a nerves thing. It happens when you have The Test (Little Britain reference somewhere in there) as well.
(Helixdaunting, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 0:29, closed)