Breaking the Law
Tell us about that time you murdered a prostitute and dumped the body in a suitcase at the side of a busy A road.

Alternatively tell us about your crazy run-ins with Metal band Judas Priest.
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 13:39, Reply)

inkjet printer stories.
Tell us of favourite printers, your epic struggles to unblock the heads, or amusing anecdotes about home produced ink.
(speedevil, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 23:39, Reply)

Lets avoid a week of Christmas related stories
about Uncle Ken getting pissed and knocking over the tree, or how Dad nearly took Gran's eye out with the carving knife that year. Or those tedious reminiscences about Big Trak etc.
Let's ride out the festive season with interesting stories about the biggest thing you've ever stuck up your arse.
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 22:25, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Rose tinted spectacles of nostalgia
When I was a nipper, kids TV was brilliant, sweets were better and it was safe to go and play alone in the park. Things were so much better back then.

After having recently seen the Clangers again / found out what E-numbers were put into sherbet sugar bombs / the exploding Savile scandal I'm calling bollocks on nostalgia.

What iconic things are still great in the hazy glow of your nostalgia archive, despite you now knowing that it's actually Tosh?
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Mon 26 Nov 2012, 21:58, 3 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Driving the Accord.
What's the best act of Hard Manning you've ever seen?
Alternatively, what's the worst?
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 20:45, Reply)

Mixer Taps
Tell us about the taps that have meant most to your life.
Perhaps they provided a warm bath to bathe your loved one, surrounded by rose petals, or maybe even a pulsating flow of bouncing water to excite them.
(speedevil, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 18:34, Reply)

Mix Tapes

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 14:15, Reply)

Car Crash!
A couple of weeks ago my missus was involved in a serious motor vehicle accident.

She was driving between jobs (she's a carer for people with dementia in the the community). As she pulled away from a green light another bloke ran a red light and t-boned her on the drivers side. He hit her at about 60kph. Her side airbag deployed and when she could move she (after calling for help and being un-heard) she managed to crawl out of the passenger side door and walk away.
2 plain-clothes cops had been directly behind the other guy and the the intersection where it happened was across the road from the local copshop.

I got a phone call at about 0800 from a strange woman (my wife was too distressed to even dial me) telling me my missus had been involved in a car accident (you can imagine where my mind went there!) but she put my sobbing missus on. I found out where she was, called the insurance and what-not and off my daughter and I went.
The missus refused to ride in the same ambo as the other guy (he got a nasty donk to the noggin), so I took her to hospital. Several hours later and an xray they released her with no breaks or bleeding. She has been receiving physiotherapy for an injury to her right hip. EDIT: She's currently back at work doing light duties.

The insurance company stumped up the agreed value 3 days later, after the assessor had rung me telling me he was amazed anyone walked out of that alive and within another week we had a new (used) car. EDIT: We are so far about AUD$6000 out of pocket.
In the mean time whilst we were a 1 car family (1st world problems, right?) I had rows with my work for leaving site for 20 min. to go and drop my daughter off at school once.
The pics of the wreck are here (1,2) if anyone's interested.

I'm sure many of us here have had to deal with tragedy related to car accidents, this suggestion is in no way meant to trivialise such horrible situations.
I'm merely telling my (and my wife's) story and asking any others out there to give us yours - whether the outcomes were good or bad.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 26 Nov 2012, 6:44, 12 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

toys
with christmas coming fast upon us, think back to your childhood and tell us about your favourite toy. a girl's world styling head, perhaps, or maybe the ubiquitous bucket of lego. share the happy memories and tell the internet.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 24 Nov 2012, 14:43, Reply)

No Self Awareness
Do you know someone with the above affliction? Do tell.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Nov 2012, 9:56, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Best layed plans,
Did it work out, or did you have to rethink? Did you spend days bashing out the details only for it to blow up in your face? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 22 Nov 2012, 1:28, Reply)

What would you like to know about the opposite sex, but are afraid to ask?
Can ladies get away with not washing their hands after a wee? Do you catch Is it difficult for guys to walk around all day with something dangling between their legs like that? Boobs: what's the big deal?

These are the pressing questions.

Heh. "Pressing".
( intesvensk can't recall when I last checked the newsletter, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 1:21, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

sweets
what was your favourite childhood sweet treat? were you a spangles fan, or more a devotee of the humble sherbet fountain? tell us about your favourite sweet and why it's your favourite.


this suggestion brought to you by a sudden craving for fruit thins.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 15:55, Reply)

Carrying the can.
Ever stepped in to take the heat off someone else?
Borne the brunt of a punishment to save another?

If so you're a mug.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 21 Nov 2012, 11:58, Reply)

70s Tits
Everyone loves 70s tits. Tell us about your craziest exploits involving those fabulous funbags.
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 11:47, Reply)

Tell us about the time you
pushed a cyclist into a lamp post.
(username failed moderation, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 9:25, Reply)

Purchasing regrets
The wife wanted a new car and she found just what she wanted at a garage about an hour away. The minute I saw it I knew we should of run for the hills but she bought it anyway, and what a crock it is. What have you bought, borrowed or stolen with immediate regret?
(nobber, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 20:28, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Economising blues
Having just returned from a miserable trip to the local NHS dentist, I realise I wish I had the cash to carry on seeing my (rather talented) private dentist. What luxuries have you foregone due to the rubbish economic climate? (Massive drugs and prostitutes do not an answer make)
(nobber, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 20:12, Reply)

Has Ignore 2.0
destroyed QOTW?
Give us all your dirty logout/login details.

Maybe you could do a "suggested list" for newbies.
*Actual n00bies may not ever exist - this website is in decline.*
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:25, Reply)

Christmas gift ideas.
Seriously, what do you get people?! Everyone seems to have everything that isn't tat on a stick, and apparently tat on a stick doesn't make a good present.
( Bats, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 7:01, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

what's the biggest thing you've ever put up your arse?

( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Mon 19 Nov 2012, 13:39, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Requests - What would YOU like to see on b3ta?
Just like in the newsletter – thing’s we’d really like to see – I like to have a request QOTW.
My request would be for somebody to create a short film (based on the film ‘Spartacus’) titled ‘Fartacus’. You get the idea.
(Monkee girl not a monkee, not a girl, Mon 19 Nov 2012, 2:54, Reply)

Trapped
All the way from prison sentences to getting your cock stuck in a cement mixer.
( MatJ LOOK, Sun 18 Nov 2012, 13:06, Reply)

have you even been threatened with real life violence by someone on the internet.
perhaps you pointed out jahled's latest lolpic was shit and he threatened to beat you up with a baseball bat.
share your stories of terror!
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:57, Reply)

qotw sugestions
tell us something only you know about. hope this comes with "L" plates
(all the cool names were taken promises to be sober next time he visits, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 20:47, Reply)

Band names
Every time I join a new band there's always the annoyance of coming up with a new name.

Most of mine get shot down for being inappropriate. I don't see what's wrong with a soft rock local pub band called either "Lesbian Tofu", "The Gape" or "Alabama Hotpocket".

What would you call your band? Imaginary or real.
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:28, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Libelling Lord McAlpine
Tell everyone about the two times you baselessly accused Tory peer Lord McAlpine of being a nonce. Extra points if you can shoehorn in references to the 'oeuvre' of Brett Easton Ellis .
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 9:37, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

the truth

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 15 Nov 2012, 9:34, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Crime & Punishment

What have you got away with? What did you get caught doing?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 8:11, Reply)