One night, as I do EVERY NIGHT...
...I got OFF MY HEAD on MASSIVE OSTRICHES(they're like Doves, only for REAL men). I dind't do anything that due to me spending all night beating up ninja robot squaddies and then inserting my bacon hypodermic into them to giving infusions of organic mayonnaise to their DRIPPING supermodel girlfriends.

However.

Next morning.

I felt horrid.

So I jumped in the Accord and drove down the shop, donutting the car all the way and flicking V's at traffic coppers. They let me do this as chainsawed a pimp to death for them.

At the supermarket, in the booze-and-pot-noodle aisle(they have one at my supermarket because I'm THAT important in my town) some woman was there with a child, despite the fact that under-18's are banned by law from shops selling booze. So what was to happen next was ALL HER OWN FAULT.

They were singing 'Old MacDonald'.

I gave them a menacing glower. That normally makes SAS men shit themselves, but they clearly didn't see it.

So, I waited until her back was turned and BROKE THE CHILDS ARM OVER MY KNEE. He totally deserved it. He was singing 'with a moo-moo here' too loud and a bit flat.

But the SELFISH QUEEN OF THE HARPIES had noticed and said that I wasn't allowed to do that. Needless to say, I had the last laugh though.

I injected her with a syringe full of MASSIVE DRUGS an waited for her to pass out.
THEN I KICKED HER IN THE RIBS and left.

On my way out, I took a parking sticker from a soft-top so I didn't get a ticket. I'm such a bad person for doing that.

Cheers.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 17 Feb 2012, 12:50, 20 replies)

So.
Have you ever done anything remotely original?

Shoring up WW after she's been assaulted doesn't count.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 17 Feb 2012, 12:52, closed)

0-upset in less than two minutes.
That's better acceleration than your MASSIVE yoot.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 17 Feb 2012, 12:56, closed)

If you want something to be upset about, be upset about the fact that none of what he put is an exaggeration of the average qotw post.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 17 Feb 2012, 12:58, closed)

The real crime here is taking the piss out of stuff on a website based around irreverent humour.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 17 Feb 2012, 12:59, closed)

You MONSTER.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 17 Feb 2012, 12:59, closed)

I tell you what BD, he's suddenly gone all 'proper English' on us.
I reckon I've trolled him into literacy.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 17 Feb 2012, 20:55, closed)

SO...
do you two do 69s or take turns?
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Sat 18 Feb 2012, 9:47, closed)

Says the man who fancies the Aussie grammar fiend so much that he copied his username.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sun 19 Feb 2012, 13:38, closed)

classic deflection

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Sun 19 Feb 2012, 17:11, closed)

I'll credit you, you DID spell it right when you copied it.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sun 19 Feb 2012, 17:21, closed)

I reckon your sigline is a lie.
You fucking spunkbucket.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 17 Feb 2012, 20:11, closed)

This is genius. Pure genius.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 17 Feb 2012, 12:55, closed)

you MONSTER.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 17 Feb 2012, 12:59, closed)

Yer I wud of dun exacly the same if it was me

(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Fri 17 Feb 2012, 12:59, closed)

The law states that I'm allowed, nay compelled to do it.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 17 Feb 2012, 13:00, closed)

i hope you cut someone's head off with a samurai sword and put the pieces in a rubbish chute at some point.
otherwise i'm going to kick RIGHT off.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 17 Feb 2012, 13:03, closed)

My mum
once knitted a jumper for me. I've grown out of it now.
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Fri 17 Feb 2012, 13:00, closed)

What flavour pot noodle?

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 17 Feb 2012, 13:04, closed)

SUCCESS AND RESPECT flavour.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 17 Feb 2012, 13:05, closed)

Is it true you fuck kids?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 17 Feb 2012, 13:06, closed)

no, that's popular /talk poster frisbee adam.
if you scroll down a bit today, you'll see him admitting to looking at gary glitter websites on the internet.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 17 Feb 2012, 13:09, closed)

Oh man,
I missed spazzyB.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 17 Feb 2012, 13:15, closed)

0-o

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 17 Feb 2012, 13:16, closed)

I thought that was Mortal Wombat?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 17 Feb 2012, 13:54, closed)

Only dead ones

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Sat 18 Feb 2012, 11:58, closed)

You forgot the bit about where you were drunk and tried to fuck your mum.
In any case, Scaryduck had better give a prize for this.
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Fri 17 Feb 2012, 13:36, closed)

Everyone else has gotten pissed up and tried to fuck my mum.
I DON'T RUN WITH THE HERD.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 17 Feb 2012, 13:45, closed)

I hope you threw every one of them over a wall.
A SERIOUSLY FUCKING HIGH WALL TOPPED WITH GLASS.
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Fri 17 Feb 2012, 13:48, closed)

tl;dr

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 17 Feb 2012, 14:23, closed)

THIS MIGHT HAVE MADE YOU A CUNT
BUT I CAN SEE YOU'VE GROWN AT LEAST ONE INCH SINCE THEN AND BEEN ON NEMESIS AT ALTON TOWERS.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 17 Feb 2012, 14:37, closed)

Every night huh?
It's like you're trapped in a groundhog day of EPIC WIN you cool MOTHERFUCKER!
( Regger, Fri 17 Feb 2012, 14:54, closed)

I'm not scared of the Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris is scared of ME.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 17 Feb 2012, 14:59, closed)

Cheers

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Fri 17 Feb 2012, 15:06, closed)

Hey now I was planning to spoof that post.
I shall have you up in front of A Magistrate for this see if I don't.
(Frank Snow, Fri 17 Feb 2012, 19:04, closed)

Sounds like you need INTERNETLAWYERMAN.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 17 Feb 2012, 20:00, closed)

I'll get him round tomorrow.
I hope he likes soda stream.
(Frank Snow, Fri 17 Feb 2012, 20:03, closed)

working it
b3ta.com/links/coffee_aint_it
( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Sat 18 Feb 2012, 0:19, closed)