Hail Seizure!...

Many moons ago I was but a fleeting young Cheeky, and my only skill consisted of being a bit of a techno-geek (as in technology and suchlike, not the ‘boom-boom-bloody-boom’ music sort of thing)

In any case, one day, my parents had decided to buy a new telly, due to the unforeseen circumstances of their previous one bursting into flames. (This was the olden days, remember – that used to happen a lot)

Anyhoo, in their ultimate wisdom they took me along, for my ‘expert’ 14-year-old opinion on what would constitute fulfilling the bare requirement of a 'bargain-tastic new-fangled TV-a-tron'.

One megastore later, as I wandered around the electrical shop pretending to know what I was doing, we were distracted by a 'bit of a kerfuffle'…

A young girl, about 10 years old…started positively freaking out by the wall of televisions that tends to line such establishments. Screaming wildly with arms flailing, the poor kid was acting as if she was either being electrocuted, demoniacally possessed, or could just no longer contain her excitement at the sheer magnitude of shoddy blenders and wotnot on special offer.

Her poor flustered mum didn’t know what to do – so she opted to 'flap a bit'.

Displaying the very worst type of human nature, like when driving slowly past a car crash, the entire population of the store decided to stand perfectly still…and cowardly observe what was to transpire. For fuck's sake, I could’ve sold popcorn to the amount of lazy-arsed, agog faces, gawping away as they turned their heads away from their potential purchases so they could watch the events unfold.

My Dad, however, had other ideas. Like a crusty, slightly wiffy old superhero, he decided to pause on humouring my increasingly fumbling ‘expertise’, and he strolled straight up to the poor girl and his distraught mother.

As the little lass continued to gibber endlessly, everyone else just stood and stared. I did too. If this had happened nowadays there would probably be phonecam videos of it on youtube…but nonetheless, everybody stayed rooted to the spot as my Dad cheerily approached them, and gently placed his hand on her shoulder.

“Are you alright love?” He enquired, as the girl uncontrollably wibbled. The distraught mum seemed quite stunned as she watched this bumbling old fellla amble over in the middle of a crisis…but immediately, before anyone could comment, the girl started to calm somewhat in the presence of this total stranger.

“Would you like a sit down?” my Dad then enquired, before heaving some big object over (using the strength that only Dads have - it could have been a MASSIVE fridge, but might have been a chair), and reassuringly ushered the poor girl towards it.

She nodded her head tentatively, and started the slow journey towards being compos mentis.

The flummoxed young mum was obviously still startled, but she soon composed herself, stepped in and joined my Dad as everybody looked on, watching this blithering old fart involve himself…and completely take control of the situation. Thankfully, the girl continued to slowly calm down.

However, at this point, (if I remember correctly it was the store assistant manager…but either way he was some cunting lickspittle), decided to assume that my Dad must somehow be related to the poor girl, who must only be throwing a big girlie tantrum, and he promptly decided that he didn't want such an embarrassing display driving his precious customers away. He approached my Dad, straightened his corporate badge and barked: “Oi!, You!” before pointing his finger at the door and exclaiming: “Get her out of here!”

Now - I cannot state enough - my Dad is a kindly, wisend old bell-end who has lived a bit, and thusly it takes a lot to rile him. However, the actions of this insensitive management mongoloid seemed to be almost precisely the exact amount of wankerishness it takes to boil my old man's piss. He manoeuvred the girl's frantic mother closer towards her daughter and clasped their hands together, before briefly leaving his post to step away; just a couple of strides towards the utter fucking twat who was thinking of nothing but his sales figures.

To this day I can’t remember how something spoken so quietly by such an unassuming man could be so intimidating. But Lorks…I mean, I nearly shat a brick, and I was only ‘watching from the wings’ as it were. I’m afraid my typed words do not do justice to the next thing that happened…My Dad calmly stepped towards the ass manager, looked him straight into his beady eyes and said:

“She will leave when she’s ready……but as for you……..you will fuck off…...NOW!”

The jobsworth jobbie proceeded to take huge backward steps in the fashion of someone who had just found a freshly severed horse head in his underpants drawer. Visibly crumbling like a freshly attacked World Trade Centre, the shop assistant simply slithered away and melted into the background, as some onlookers dared to glare at him from afar.

My Dad then turned and went back to the girl and his mother, speaking gently, yet confidently, and over a few minutes, managed to calm everybody down and then accompany the girl and her mother to their car. Ensuring their safety, he then passed on his phone number to the mother so she could call him and let him know how the young girl was doing. With the panic now subdued, the mother burst into floods of appreciative tears – heartily thanking my Dad for his heroic assistance. He merely beamed at her and answered: “No problem love. now if you don’t mind, I have to get back inside before my lad makes me fork out for some bloody crap over-sized telly”

The mother duly called later. It turns out that the girl was diagnosed epileptic, but her previous seizures had only been very mild. However, the strobe-like flashing of a veritable wall of TV’s managed to set her off like a cheap Chinese firework. It was a very real, proper emergency, yet nobody thought to do anything…except my Dad.

I was already proud of him…that was just some more icing on the cake.

To round this off, I would dearly like to big my Dad up some more with something like: 'Of course, this behaviour was natural for him because he used to be a Colonel in the army’ or ‘He used to be a Doctor / Psychiatrist’, or even something like, ‘He’s built like a brick shithouse’, but I’m afraid I can’t. He’s just a normal sized guy who, before he retired, was a forklift truck driver in a shitty warehouse in Coventry. However, He just so happens to be quite staggeringly good with people – and I consider that a genuine gift - so I won't try to add any more facts, bullshit or credence to my tale. He is just a quite phenomenal human being.

…but I still call him a silly old bugger.
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Mon 13 Feb 2012, 17:02, 10 replies)

I like this!
Nice, genuine story.
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 17:13, closed)

Thank you...

I feel like I should almost apologise for the lack of smut / MASSIVE drugs / shit-disaster related elements.
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Mon 13 Feb 2012, 22:28, closed)

My sister has epilepsy
and having been party to a number of seizures of varying magnitude can appreciate how scary and flummoxing it must have been for the folk involved ( including the staff bloke who was being an arse in all probability) but nonetheless well done your dad for being a sensible dad. *clicks*
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Mon 13 Feb 2012, 17:22, closed)

Click.
Dads are brilliant.

I miss mine.
( sanityclause is waiting until, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 17:54, closed)

This is true.
Dads ARE fucking brilliant.
( Hunter Stockton was murdered by a bicycle wielding axolotl,.,.,.,., Mon 13 Feb 2012, 18:20, closed)

Your stories never fail to please.

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 18:10, closed)

Are you talking about me?...or the 'other' me?...

Either way...Thank you
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Mon 13 Feb 2012, 22:25, closed)

Both Sir.
Well played.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 14 Feb 2012, 8:42, closed)

Putting an end to the girl's epileptic seizure,
by no more than the placing of his hand upon her shoulder? Is your dad Jesus?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 21:17, closed)

I like this thought - and I hope so...
As it would make me the son of Jesus...It's like I'm a sort of living 'Da Vinci Code'...only hopefully not quite as shit.

But to answer your question...yep, it started with a simple hand on her shoulder, but it took an additional few minutes of gentle reassurance to properly calm her down.

Thanks for reading.
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Mon 13 Feb 2012, 22:22, closed)

Well done to your dad!
Give him this clicky.
(The Magic Number is neither magic nor a number, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 23:44, closed)

Being a good fork lift driver . .
. . is harder than most people imagine
(Bitter and Twisted, Tue 14 Feb 2012, 0:26, closed)

Especially if you're driving VNA trucks.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 14 Feb 2012, 0:31, closed)

^^Hehe...^^
and to the reply above.

Though, to be fair, I think my Dad would be the first to admit that he wasn't a particularly good forklift driver either! He generally just sat on his arse all day smoking and grumbling something about 'bloody trade unions'.

(I briefly had a temp job in the same warehouse so have first hand experience...and yes, guess who pulled strings to sort me out with that temp job at a time when I was out of work?...yup, my Dad)

Legend.
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Tue 14 Feb 2012, 0:43, closed)

I'm epileptic
and have a fear of having a seizure in public (I haven't had a fit for 2 years). Your Dad sounds like a top chap, but not everyone knows what to do if someone starts shaking like a shitting dog. Part of my fear comes from someone doing the wrong thing. There are a lot of myths - like people will swallow their tongue, they need restraining etc. Bollocks.

What people should do is:

Move any dangerous objects from nearby.
Talk to the person whilst they are fitting to reassure them.
Try and put something soft under their head.
Time the length of the seizure. If it's over 5 minutes call an ambulance.
If the fit stops but then starts again (regardless of how long it's been happening) call an ambulance.
Put the person in the recovery position as soon as they stop fitting.
Tell them afterwards what has happened - a seizure can be very disorientating and messes up short term memory.
Laugh at them if they've lost bladder or bowel control (optional).

Do not:

Stick your fingers in the person's mouth.
Try and restrain them.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 14 Feb 2012, 6:35, closed)

I worked with someone who tried to clear the tongue out of the airway of someone having a fit
(lying on their back no less) with his fingers. He had to have tetanus shots. I laughed.
The number of times this young lady went into status...
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 14 Feb 2012, 8:34, closed)

After reading this, I now hope someone has has a fit right in front of me soon
So I can act all knowledgable and smarmily authoratative. and maybe help

They'd better hurry up too, as I'll probably forget all this sage advice before too long
(The Magic Number is neither magic nor a number, Tue 14 Feb 2012, 12:14, closed)

Great story
A click for you and for the awesomeness of good Dads everywhere

@Battered - that is some top info. Well done there
(King Nightmare, Tue 14 Feb 2012, 8:43, closed)

Which TV did you pick?

( Pig Bodine., Tue 14 Feb 2012, 11:58, closed)

A Toshiba one...

It wasn't very big (about 26" i think) but it seemed cocking massive at the time. It also had some sort of extra speaker thingies perched on the back which were meant to 'create the exact effect of surround sound, but without all the extra wiring and what-have-you'

Utter bollocks. Toshiba lied to us that day.
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Tue 14 Feb 2012, 12:08, closed)