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This is a question My sex misconceptions

Freddy Woo writes, "aged eight, a boy from my class told me everything these was to know about sex: male prostitutes are called destitutes and women use tampons to stop men sticking their willies up them. Also, women pee out their bums, something I didn't realise was wrong until I was about 18 and my first girlfriend looked at me aghast."

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zero points for conception/misconception jokes

(, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 15:54)
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Change at Baker Street.
I’ve always wondered the following:

Anal sex. How did that concept come about?

I mean, the regular way was working fine, evolution did a pretty good job there, why the need for the “bonus tunnel”? I’d like to think that the conversation went something like this...

(Mr and Mrs Caveman lying in bed one night)

Mr Caveman: Hello, darling! Fancy a bit of “how’s your father?”

Mrs Caveman: You mean sex, right?

Mr Caveman: Yeah. Fancy it?

Mrs Caveman: I can’t. I’m doing that thing where I bleed for 5 days and get really frigging irritable.

Mr Caveman: Awww, shame.

(Mr Caveman rolls over and suddenly gets an idea)

Mr Caveman: Honey, why don’t we….you know?

Mrs Caveman: Huh?

Mr Caveman: You know….do it another way?

Mrs: Caveman: I need a little more information than that….

(Mr Caveman leans over and whispers something in Mrs Caveman’s ears)

Mrs Caveman: You want to stick "what" in "where"?!

Mr Caveman: Oh, come on! It’ll be fun!

Mrs Caveman: For you! Not me!

Mr Caveman: Oh come on! The gay couple down the road do it all the time!

Mrs Caveman: I’m not sure.

Mr Caveman: Come on, pleeeeeeeasssseeee?

Mrs Caveman: OK, but be flipping careful!

(5 minutes later, Mr Caveman is lying back having a cigarette)

Mr Caveman: How was it for you, my love?

(Mrs Caveman is still on all fours)

Mrs Caveman: Well, let me put it like this, if I wasn’t frigging irritable before, I am now! How do that gay couple keep their bottoms so tight despite doing this?!

Mr Caveman: Must be those jeans they wear…..

That’s my sexual misconception. Is anal sex a joke which I’m not privy to?

Length? Well, it depends. How deep is your love...?
(, Fri 26 Sep 2008, 8:24, 5 replies)
i'll regret this ... (i'm pissed)
1. people are generally crap (ahem) at anal ... poking and prodding inexpertly with finger and/or cock at a bum hole tends to make the bum hole clench with disastrous consequences

2. it takes a kind of 'gentle insinuation' and something suitably lubricated to get finger/cock/sex toy up there

3. some women absolutely love the feeling ... some would axe you to death if you even so much as looked at their arse ... as ever, 'no' means 'no' ...

4. if someone feels loved, trusted and adventurous (not one night stands but something longer term) my unscientific guesstimate is that roughly half fancy the idea and the other half don't

5. if you get in cahoots with someone sexually conservative 'early doors' (late teens, early 20s) you will never have anal sex ... unless you insist that they do you (with something or suitable body part)

6. if you're going to do them - and they're of adventurous mind - then they might to do you (shock, horror, but it's actually democratic)

7. there is no number seven

8. that's it - still pissed

9. we apologise for the inelegant use of the verb 'to do' in the preceding ...
(, Fri 26 Sep 2008, 22:36, closed)
As explained to me
by a heterosexual male friend who likes anal stimulation:
The nerves that run to the cock run past either side of the anus, at approx 4 o'clock and 8 o'clock where 6 takes you between the legs and 12 points up the spine. So circular motions around the anus will alternately stimulate this nerve - the same nerve that you can stimulate by rubbing or putting pressure on the area in between your legs (I mean for guys). I assume that the nerve runs past the anus the exact same way in women, it just terminates differently, so they can get the same pleasure from stimulation of it.
Don't get the attraction myself....
(, Sat 27 Sep 2008, 0:50, closed)
*puts on a pair of half-moon spectacles and sups on a pipe*
Speaking as a gay man, I can steer you in the direction of the prostate as one reason why anal sex feels good (in men anyway; women aren't so blessed with that little doohickey).

You can reach it with a finger. It pretty much lives a few inches in, towards the "front". Massage that and...well, it feels pretty damn good.

Anyone feeling really adventurous can google a little device called the "aneros"; a toy designed to do exactly that; massage the prostate. It's pretty damn good.

Even if you're straight, if you've got no fear of your own body, and an adventurous partner, just try wearing one in while having your fun.
(, Sun 28 Sep 2008, 2:36, closed)
oh hell yeah!
The Aneros is ace ((mostly) straight guy here), but let me also put in a plug (ooo err, missus!) for the Rude Boy, the best vibrating prostate-stimulating toy I've ever used. And for all you English types, you can rest assured that you're stimulating the UK sex toy industry, as it's made in beautiful Northamptonshire, England.
(, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 4:57, closed)
No, it's not the jeans
It's lots of lube and lots of foreplay. The cave-gay-couples probably used mammoth fat or something, Pjur Eros not being available at the time.

And also: all that pressure and only 5 minutes of sex? Mrs Caveman should start shopping around for a more considerate lover.
(, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 4:59, closed)

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