Found out a bit late
I used to be a very religious young man until I was 23. This meant I never kissed a girl, never watched porn, never masturbated, never really had any sexual experience until I was 23. It's pretty hard to grow up without learning the theory though, so I knew the basics (go down before the grand entrance, don't be startled by the hairs etc). Thankfully my girlfriend knew she was popping my cherry, so was providing helpful advice every now and then. Everything was going swimmingly.

We were bouncing around in various different positions for a couple of hours or so, but I could not orgasm. It was uncanny; I thought first-timers were supposed to be a sticky mess within a few thrusts. Anyway, she was getting tired and dry, so invited me to issue onto her lovely boobies. Reluctantly I withdrew, stripped off the condom and started the manual process while she whispered words of encouragement.

Now, I'm not proud of the following, and it might seem like malarkey, but please bear in mind that I although I knew some basic biology I had had no practical experience. Being of a religious type, I hadn't even experienced masturbation, so this was pretty much the first time I was having an orgasm.

After a few minutes of stroking, I felt fluid pressure in my erect urethra and knew that the moment of truth was close. I let the pressure build for a second or two and then released.

And urinated on my lovely lady.

It was only a teaspoon or so before I realised I was committing what might be considered in some circles a faux pas, so with some difficulty I stopped the flow.

Now, the poor girl was lying sprawled on a bed, with her new gentleman astride her and felt a few drops of liquid land on her skin. Lacking the vantage point that I had, she had no reason to think that something was amiss, so she started playing with it, and commenting on how runny it was. I didn't have the heart to disabuse her of the notion. She very kindly let me use the loo, have a snooze and a try again. Second time was better.

FYI we're still together. It's been three years.
(I grew it myself, Wed 1 Oct 2008, 6:38, 8 replies)

And you still haven't told her after three years?
.
(Cluckles, Wed 1 Oct 2008, 8:34, closed)

This deserves a click
Lets pray she never reads this...
(FoxyBadger (try saying it backwards), Wed 1 Oct 2008, 9:32, closed)

Fuck that
I can't get past the "never masturbated" comment.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Wed 1 Oct 2008, 9:33, closed)

dito
i mean, theres a least 13 yrs or so of unich-ness.

Man you must hold some sort of record for that.
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Wed 1 Oct 2008, 9:50, closed)

Mm
I was under the impression that can actually be quite bad for you, in terms of fertility :o

And, i mean, sperm don't "live" very long, so where exactly are you putting this surplus produce..?
(ShitBitch, Wed 1 Oct 2008, 10:29, closed)

Comes out on its own
When you're asleep. Obviously.
(sabre-tooth monkey, Wed 1 Oct 2008, 11:27, closed)

Yep
About twice a night by the time I was eighteen...
(I grew it myself, Wed 1 Oct 2008, 14:36, closed)

Dont get startled by the hairs!
I've no idea why but that has doubled me over with laughter :D
(Peljammy Watching Godzilla, Wed 1 Oct 2008, 11:56, closed)