Fire Island, New York, 1998
And - I shit you not - I did a 14" turd in approx 2 seconds, in the public lavvies by the dock. That was wierd enough, but the last 4 inches of it was as black as coal. God knows what I'd eaten. Twinkies and lots of Root Beer, probably. Strangely, it flushed 1st time.

No sooner had I left the toilets, than I heard a public telephone ring, and answered it. It was a wrong number. This has nothing to do with the story.

But click "i like this" if you agree that twinkies and root beer are awesome.
(nobuttocks last besmirched the internet on, Mon 31 Mar 2008, 21:56, 11 replies)

Hey,
Everyone loves a beggar.

Why have merit when you can beg for votes? Huh?

And what the fuck is root beer.. sounds kinda gay. (And yes, I know it's something American, so there is a 90% chance it's something wank).

*leaves clicking finger dormant and moves on"
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 31 Mar 2008, 23:05, closed)

I know root beer is ginger beer,
but what are twinkies? I'm vaguely aware they're a kind of sweet or pastry.
( Bob Todd whee, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 0:38, closed)

Root Beer and Twinkies
What is it with you people?
Everyone calls Americans ignorant, but you don't know what Twinkies and root beer are? Sheesh. I live in another hemisphere and I know what they are.
Root beer isn't ginger beer; it's sarsaparilla. Twinkies are little cylindrical sponge cakes filled with an artificial cream-like substance.
(3lijah Oh, Jokes! I Get Jokes..., Tue 1 Apr 2008, 4:11, closed)

Sorry, no clicks for begging!
I can confirm that I know and love root beer though - and I'm English.

Root beer is not sarsaparilla, think more along the lines of cola with just a hint of germolene. It's goddamn lush and I am deprived of it by the conservative tastes of the pop market in the UK. I drank shit-loads of it when I went to the states on my hols and it didn't have any noticable effect on my shit.

The bad part is that the co-op used to be the only place I could find that sold it, but they stopped years ago. The only way I can get it here now is to buy online and the bastards only sell crates that work out about a fiver a can!
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 8:49, closed)

ignorant because
they don't know what some fat-bastard processed junk is, or some drink that isn't in wide circulation?

you're the ignorant one you fucking idiot
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 8:49, closed)

Jet black shite
is sometimes due to bleeding in your upper GI tract - as the blood is digested in the bowel it turns black, tarry, and very smelly.

It is called melena.
( sm.pl.crt.rs I don't fucking know, do I?, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 9:25, closed)

Root beer
No idea what it actually is, but I have tried it: McDonalds used to sell it and, when I was a kiddiwink, I was there with a friend who liked and ordered it. Curious, I tried some.

It's utterly vile.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 9:40, closed)

Not knowing about unhealthy American foods doesn't make us ignorant
It just means that we're not fat enough (or stupid enough) to actually care.

And how exactly are they 'Awesome'? I don't see what is particularly awe-inspiring about a shitty fizzy drink and vomit-inducing spongey cakes.
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 9:52, closed)

Germolene
Spot on. That's exactly like it.

Just why anyone would want to drink something which tastes of a topical antiseptic I don't know. Those "Life Savers" sweets you get in the US which are shaped like lifebelts taste just the same. It's rare for me to spit out sweets, but I did with one of them.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 10:55, closed)

Root Beer
The sainsbury's near me sells a version of root bear in large bottles, not as good as the stuff the get in the US though. Mmmmm root beer, and still lemonade, which is standard over there, is luscious
(stubbledchin, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 12:07, closed)

Begging?
I thought from my brief time here that saying "click this if you like something vaguely related to the story" was practically a staple of QOTW. Guess I was wrong - won't do it again, guv. Wrists slapped, lesson learned, etc.

Anybody that's made it this far in the comments - DON'T click "I like this", whatever you do. Even if you're the sort of person who doesn't take the word "awesome" literally. It might give me undeserved kudos in the minds of some readers, and that would be AWFUL.

By the way - www.disappointment.com/old/randomacts/soiling/pinklesstory.htm is the best poo-related anecdote/interview I've ever read. Enjoy!
(nobuttocks last besmirched the internet on, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 21:11, closed)