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This is a question Siblings

Brothers and sisters - can't live with 'em, can't stove 'em to death with the coal scuttle and bury 'em behind the local industrial estate. Tell us about yours.

Thanks to suboftheday for the suggestion -we're keeping the question open for another week for the New Year

(, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 17:20)
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"And you can forget about Christmas too"
Ah, time for some bitterness to start the New Year. Actually I wouldn't mind some second opinions on this, because I'm pretty sure I'm not to blame for this one, but I do wonder, sometimes. The way you do.

I've always thought that my older sister got the better end of any deal going. I wouldn't say that I was deprived, exactly, but if there was leeway to be won, she would invariably get it.

Here's a short list of things that have rankled over the years. I'd better keep it short because this is a work keyboard and if I begin pounding it with my fists they might object.

When I was six, I had a plastic sword, complete with plastic sheath. The sword was blue, with a basket hilt and everything. The sheath was bright yellow and most unswordly. Nevertheless, whenever swordplay was required, the princess would get to use the Blue Rapier, and I'd be stuck flailing around with the yellow sheath.

I wanted a Land Rover for my Action Man. My sister wanted a car for her Sindy. Apparently we "didn't need two cars and could share" (actually I think my dad was deeply suspicious of me wanting to play with dolls in the first place, whether they had manly scars and gripping hands or not). Two years later I got my Land Rover anyway. My sister broke the tailgate on it while Sindy and Action Man were out on a date (which I did not sanction I might add)

Speaking of cars, she refused to go back to university because she hated it. "Would it be better if you had a car, darling?" "mm. Yes." When I was at university it was Shanks' Pony all the way. When I got my first job, though, I got my mum's old car because she'd stopped driving altogether, which was nice. Until she decided to sell it six months later and I had to go and buy my own. Ho hum.

Parties, clothes, holidays, you name it, the litany of disparity goes on. Small stuff, mostly, but you notice. You might think, then, that having had her own way all through childhood, now that we're in our mid 30s things might be settling down into a bit of a balance. It's not such a big deal, really, just little things. And I daresay she remembers times when I got the better part of the deal. I'm sure there were some. Mind you my mother does still do all her washing for her, and if the house needs redecorating they'll be there with the paintbrushes while she goes shopping, and so on.

But she *is* my sister, after all. We're on the same side. No need to make a big deal out of things.

So, as the years went by she'd got married, got divorced, found someone else, got settled, decided to remarry, all of that sort of thing. And I'd found someone that I was engaged to, and all was nice and friendly between us all.

Then - bad news. The worst kind: my fiancee's brother from Australia was diagnosed with what looked like it would be a terminal cancer. He announced that he was coming over to visit us while he still could. He was going to have some initial treatment to try to arrest the cancer, then travel. This would be about six months hence, arriving the week before my sister's wedding, and going back a few weeks later. So we hatched a cunning plan that we would bring our wedding forward a few months so that it would be when he could be there to share it.

Well, you're limited in choice for booking registrars and things, but this would put our wedding three weeks after my sister's second wedding.

Not a problem, I thought. That's her remarried, honeymooned and back with a week to spare before we start the parties again.

But apparently this was a problem. "You've been living together for years. Why have you chosen that date to get married?" she asked. I explained, and that was the last anyone saw of her for days. She just buggered off. Bear in mind that my parents would normally see her several times a week, and then she suddenly cut off communication. Rather alarming for them. Eventually a meeting was arranged between her fiance and my father at a neutral pub (oh the drama!).

The gist of the problem was that we'd be taking the spotlight away too soon. "She will", it was claimed "still be in her post-wedding glow, looking through photographs and things. Those two [that's us!] will be detracting from that".

Baffled, I rang her up (I live hundreds of miles away) - of course she wouldn't speak to me. I spoke to her other half, who didn't want to discuss it because - and I quote - "Talking about things just makes them more confusing" (At this point I began to suspect that he wasn't helping matters).

What to do? Tough one. It was important for my girlfriend that her big brother would be there for her wedding. We couldn't ask the Australian Sibling to cancel his flights and rebook. We offered to arrange to move it forward to the week before her wedding, but apparently that was even worse, and if my parents went to my wedding before hers then she would get married in private and not invite anyone at all. After years of pandering to her every whim, this must have seemed like a real kick in the teeth for my poor parents.

I did consider suggesting a joint ceremony, but my own fiancee started making snarling noises at that point so I hastily moved on to plan D, which was to sit tight, do nothing and let things calm down.

And Lo, the Lord moveth in mysterious ways, because it turned out that my sister couldn't get married on the arranged date, because her fiancee was already married to someone else and hadn't bothered to mention it. So that was suddenly all off - and how! - and we were able to press ahead, and she even came to our wedding and we all pretended that none of the previous unpleasantness (only some of which I have itemised in the interests of keeping you awake until the end) had happened.

That was all 5 years ago. My wife and I are still happily married, and we've all agreed between us that it was all stupid and let's all be friends and forget about it.

Except I can't, quite. It was so aggressive and unpleasant and unecessary, it's hard to put it aside completely. Sometimes when I'm sitting with my sister I look at her and remember those phone calls and think "You selfish cow". And I haven't forgotten about the blue plastic sword either.
(, Mon 5 Jan 2009, 18:05, 16 replies)
Yes, BUT
SHE was the one who nearly married a bigamist. That cancels out lots of other stuff!
I'd piss my pants laughing at her every day for the rest of my life if she was my sister.
(, Mon 5 Jan 2009, 18:11, closed)
The point is a good one.
I must admit I could not resist a bit of a cackle when I found out.
(, Mon 5 Jan 2009, 18:26, closed)
Get down to your nearest Wilkinsons
Buy a plastic yellow sword-cover and wrap it up for her birthday/xmas/easter/pancakeday/whatever. When she opens it in confusion, pull out a blue plastic sword and beat the fuck out of her the neurotic cow, she sounds like a complete "...well this is what happened to me anyhows..." candidate.

Then say "Happy birthday/xmas/easter/pancakeday/whatever sis!"
(, Mon 5 Jan 2009, 19:26, closed)
I'm sorry but your sister is a biatch!
A silly biatch at that.

Having family is all about give and take and she just seems to be on the take.
(, Mon 5 Jan 2009, 19:30, closed)
wants to be the center of attention but ends up as the laughing stock. Karma.

And the brother, how's he getting on? "looked like it would be a terminal cancer" suggests quite well. Looks like he wants to be the center of attention too.

(, Mon 5 Jan 2009, 20:28, closed)
What about if you write a LETTER put down all your feelings( GOOD AND BAD) about your sister then send it to her? :)
(, Mon 5 Jan 2009, 20:34, closed)
I don't got
a sister.
(, Mon 5 Jan 2009, 20:54, closed)
He was indeed an attention seeker
but unfortunately he didn't make it. The irony of it was that he was actually too unwell to make our wedding anyway. We did at least make it out there to see him before he died, though, which was nice.

As far as being the centre of attention goes his funeral lasted three days in total, which is pretty good going really.
(, Mon 5 Jan 2009, 21:28, closed)
didn't work, my condolences.

Oh well, we both agree that your sister is a cow *ok*
(, Mon 5 Jan 2009, 21:40, closed)
I thought that it was rather amusing - and after all, you weren't to know the outcome. But since you asked, I thought I'd better fill in the gap, cheerless though it is.
(, Mon 5 Jan 2009, 23:40, closed)
If you're to blame for this situation then I'm a frigging unicorn, I can also understand why you can't forget about it, then again I am a master in grudgeholdery.

P.S Very sorry to hear about the brother.
(, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 1:08, closed)
Hey, a unicorn!
(, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 9:06, closed)
I blame the parents
I think that maybe they did a little too much pandering early on.
(, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 9:40, closed)
I got the same deal in sword fights
Terrible. The sheath obviously has no handle which makes it impossible to use and also it bends too easily leaving a stupid looking white bend mark in the middle of your sword.Least mine wasn't yellow.
nice story by the way, your sister sounds awful.
(, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 10:28, closed)
Fuck Me Daft
...more of an exclamation than an instruction, I hasten to add. You want opinions? {raises hand} I've got one or two.


"...Those two [that's us!] will be detracting from that."

To say little of the fact that the hubby-to-be-but-not evidently kept his balls in your sister's handbag, the way it should have been if your sister weren't so obviously a ME! ME! ME! type would be that soon after the heady joy of her wedding and honeymoon, her beloved brother would get to experience that self-same joy for himself and she would be delighted to be a part of it, having such fresh memories of it from her own perspective. One big happy family.

But no - the joy was only for ME! ME! ME! and no-one else could have any, especially not you because that would 'detract' from her own. Sibling conflict is one thing but this is a fair step removed from that and the way she treated you and your folks after all they'd done for her, sometimes at your expense, was frankly a fucking low thing to do in order to get her own way when she had no legitimate grounds to demand it in the first place.

Sorry m8, but; what an appallingly selfish cunt she was, and perhaps still is. As far as I can see she got exactly what she deserved by being made to look a twat by the bigamist tit she wanted to get hitched to. I can only hope that she's learned her lesson at least a little. If not, and if I were you, I would remind her of it frequently as a tale of cuntishness-earning-just-desserts.
(, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 14:18, closed)
Your sister...
Is a ball bag.
(, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 14:41, closed)

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