Back in the days
Before I had 3 dimensional, real friends, I was something of a Facewhore-whore. In a totally unrelated state of affairs, I was extremely fond of a young lady I knew who lived in Lancaster. We'd met very briefly in the summer and got on famously, and she'd invited me up to stay with her and her mum for a couple of weeks. Truth be told I didn't expect anything to happen between us as she was proper, magazine-y type gorgeous and I was something of a buffalo. But still, it would be nice to do a little travel and socialising.

So in the months between summer and Christmas I'd spend a lot of time on the site, talking with various people, including an older lady who I couldn't help but fancy in a very materialistic way.

We got chatting and much flirting did ensue, followed by her sending me some rather explicit photos of herself. All was well in the world, until one day my mind had to go and wander...

After talking to this older lady on the phone I noticed she had a northern accent.

"Do you live up North?" I ask.

"Yeah, in Lancaster".

"Oh right, cool! I know someone up there, I'm going to see them at Xmas."

"Oh right. Which bit of Lancaster do they live in?"

"They live in xxx (I forget)".

"Me too!"

"What's her name?"

"(Fake forename) Newton".

"No way! My surname is Newton!"

Oh christing fuck, it was her mother.

I still went up there at Xmas. I lasted just over a day before faking a phonecall that my dad had been terribly hurt in a car crash and I had to leave. Not a nice lie but I was desperate.

Yes, hellbound, I know.
(GONEism, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 14:46, 19 replies)

you could've got some
mother/daughter 3 way action there.

looks like you missed a chance to live the dream...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 14:50, closed)

disappointing
you didn't tap anything? tsk tsk
(Bluffboy South Africa! World Champions!!!, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 14:51, closed)

A good point...
...but in the months between the two meetings the daughter who had become an emo who, when I went to hug her, said "I don't do that kind of thing".
(GONEism, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 14:52, closed)

You could still

have given the mother a seeing to. She must have been up for it.
( Stu71 ....bad money dies, I love the scene, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 14:57, closed)

Let's just say
She photographed very, very well. Damnit.
(GONEism, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 15:01, closed)

I insist that you track her down
and hit that

or provide us with photos so we can be the judges
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 15:10, closed)

Eeeeeee!
After all those library anecdotes in the last QOTW, I was sure you were a girly lady. Does that make me mysogenistic, sexist or both?
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 15:26, closed)

Well, that depends
On whether you were wanting to check out my booty.
(GONEism, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 15:59, closed)

What are the odds!
Unlucky! I'm with the others though - you should have at least had something sordid to remember one night by!

*clicky*
(Nogin the Nog is the good one! Beware Nogbad the Bad!, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 16:18, closed)

Am I
the only one who notices the distinctly incestuous undertones to all your requests? There's enough inbreeding in this country without me adding to the problem with my whoreishness. Shame on you all.
(GONEism, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 16:20, closed)

as a Biology graduate
I feel the need to point out that daughter/mother incest is very, very, VERY unlikely to lead to inbreeding directly.
( Mockingbird Practitioner of SCIENCE, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 16:40, closed)

Well I know that
But it's still inbreeding, and in my sheltered upbringing, that makes it officially yucky.
(GONEism, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 16:44, closed)

It's not inbreeding, since there's no breeding involved.
Just incest.
Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong incest.
Bleurgh.
Surely, if you EVER persuaded a girl and her mum to have a threesome, as soon as they agreed you'd just go "really? Eww."
( Mockingbird Practitioner of SCIENCE, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 17:13, closed)

I like where this is goin'! Giggidy, giggidy, gig-gi-dy!
(The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 17:28, closed)

depends on how hot they were ;-)
not really. it'd be weird

but if you did persuade them and they said yes you could then go "You sick fucks!" at them

and stroll off laughing uproariously
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 17:56, closed)

I could have been self righteous, but...
They also happened to have a fucking big dog.

Cue the "oooh, you should have got the dog in and made it a 4 way!"

You people sicken me.

Ok I'm lying. I love you all. Dont leave me!
(GONEism, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 19:06, closed)

Surely it's okay if....

you are lying on your back and the girl is sitting on your face and the mum is on your cock.
( Stu71 ....bad money dies, I love the scene, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 7:56, closed)

^^
So long as they were facing away from each other...

I prefer that they weren't though, but that's just me....
(Spreddum O Grrrr. That's my vicious circle, that is., Fri 12 Sep 2008, 9:01, closed)

^^^
And the dog was licking your balls.
( sm.pl.crt.rs I don't fucking know, do I?, Tue 16 Sep 2008, 0:35, closed)