I notice,
after reading some of these stories about small children that are spoilt, as opposed to your grade A university fuckwits, that the parents often seem to be entirely at blame.

How many times have you seen a screaming or misbehaving child just being ignored by it's parents? It happens all the time. Only today I was on the train and some little shit was climbing all over the seats and irritating the fuck out of people, all the while it's parents sat and ignored it, reading the paper.

Ignoring a child is no way to discipline it. The kid wants attention, that's why it's making noise in the first place. It wants to be looked at. Sitting there buried in your copy of the guardian isn't helping matters any. I'm not even a parent and I can tell you that. All you're doing is pissing off the people around you, and making the kid be more and more fucking irritating.

Heres my solution:

Cattle Prods.

When boarding a means of public transport, such as a train, make sure you pack a small portable cattle prod, like the one that that wrestler "The Mountie" used to have. He was ace.

When said child starts to be irritating as fuck, apply the cattle prod liberally to the back of it's head. This should suffice to snap the parents out of their bouts of deep concentration, as they puzzle over todays crossword, and/or have a telephone conversation at a sufficient volume for everyone on the train to enjoy it.

Should the child become more irate at this point, I recommend more liberal helpings of cattle prod, to be applied firmly and without mercy.

By now both parents should be alarmed enough to intervene, removing the offending child and no doubt taking it to a different, safer carriage.

Now would be a good time to shoot both parents in the back with a tazer.

Now relax, and spend the rest of your journey in a child free, hassle-less environment, safe in the knowledge that should anyone disturb your peace further, you can fuck them right up with thousands of volts of electricity.
( PMGT -Bacon., Tue 14 Oct 2008, 3:48, 9 replies)

Surely that's bollocks
If you give a kid attention when it misbehaves then it will misbehave to get attention.

Before you know it the child has punched a dog.
(teebie jeebie, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 9:30, closed)

Yup
Negative attention.

Child associates being a little cunt with getting attention from parent.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 9:40, closed)

@PMGT
Just stick with cattle-prodding people rather than making them better kids.

It's more fun, it's probably cheaper and there's less likelihood of "accusations" from the kids parents than if you sit down and talk to them about what's wrong.

Anyway, as other posters have said- if you associate being a brat with getting attention you'll be more of a brat to get more attention.
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 9:50, closed)

Bollocks
You only pay attention to good behaviour from a child.

A screaming tantrum should be ignored, leave the child to roll about the floor screaming, eventually after a few tantrums it learns it will get nothing from the screaming and gives up.

However climbuing on chairs isn't attention seeking, it's just bad manners, that requires chastisement, and then once you have told the child off, move on, don't mention it again, unless of course the child does it again, then you can punch it.
(Andy-Bhoy I'm here all week, try the veal., Tue 14 Oct 2008, 10:29, closed)

Regardless,
I still think the solution lies in cattle prods.
( PMGT -Bacon., Tue 14 Oct 2008, 14:37, closed)

this is sheer genius
Now where can I buy a cattle prod?
( rofl harris, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 11:36, closed)

Fuck cattle prods
Where can I get a portable tesla coil?
( MatJ LOOK, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 13:49, closed)

Hmmm, cattle prods on trains...
Tickets pleasarrgghh!
(Heggy, Wed 15 Oct 2008, 15:32, closed)

Surely
The cattle prod ought to be applied directly to the parents?
(Carravanquelo, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:15, closed)