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This is a question Stags and Hens

Mictoboy asks: Everybody knows that stag and hen parties are a veritable gateway to Hell, and quite the worst thing to happen to anybody full stop. So, tell us what happened.

(, Thu 30 Jan 2014, 16:00)
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Obviously, Amsterdam was involved.
But not for the reasons you would probably suspect. Our accomodation on this stag jaunt was a lovely converted fishing trawler moored up in Amsterdam harbour. I can thoroughly recommend it as great way to stay in the city, although it does carry a slight frisson of danger for the alcoholically challenged or nautically inexperienced. But anyway.

The accomodation was split between the front and the rear. In the front, the cabin contained 3 sets of bunks, and to access the top bunks involved using a set of steep metal grille steps of the kind favoured on fire escapes. These had been helpfully painted with anti slip paint. We returned from whatever we had been up to on the friday evening and retired. It should be pointed out that the lights inside this boat had a master switch by the stern cabin, so those in the bow had to make their nocturnal trips to the pisser in almost total darkness. And so it went that *name redacted* attempted to make it for a piss in the early hours and slipped on these steps in bare feet. It apparently stung a bit, so he went for his piss and then tried in vain to find the master switch, failed, and got back into bed.

I had to be up early to catch a flight and, feeling a little tender as the alarm went off, I glanced over the side of the bed to scenes of what appeared to be total slaughter. Rememeber the bathroom in Very Bad Things? yeah, that. It later transpired that *name redacted*, when he slipped, had almost fully de-gloved his big toe and had spread an astonishing amoung of blood about the entire boat in his nocturnal wanderings. Including a pool in the toilet where he had stood for a piss that wouldn't have looked out of place in an abbatoir. He was blissfully unaware of this in the darkness and had gone back to bed to somehow avoid bleeding out in his sleep.

I should have checked as to who the blood was from and if they were OK. I should have made sure that there wasn't a dismembered hooker somewhere nearby. But as I'm the kind of cunt that posts on here I fucked off to get my plane instead and left the next person to wake to deal with the problem

tl/dr - humans contain quite a lot of blood and seem to be able to lose a large portion of it with limited permanent effect.
(, Tue 4 Feb 2014, 15:29, 12 replies)
I haven't wanked quite so fervently to a set of qftw answers in years.

(, Tue 4 Feb 2014, 15:49, closed)
Blood, urine - just needs some shit and spunk and it's Gilbert and George.

(, Tue 4 Feb 2014, 15:51, closed)
I know I've basically be sporting a constant lazy lob for 5 days now.

(, Tue 4 Feb 2014, 16:29, closed)
so nothing new there then

(, Tue 4 Feb 2014, 16:35, closed)
I'll be honest, most days I can cut glass.

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 9:28, closed)
Mine is so raw it looks like an Alien's inner mouth.

(, Tue 4 Feb 2014, 16:36, closed)
So the next person wakes up to find blood everywhere and you missing?

(, Tue 4 Feb 2014, 15:58, closed)
*finger guns*
actually I was honestly too fucked to think of that. They were, however, expecting me to have gone.
(, Tue 4 Feb 2014, 16:06, closed)
I think I'd prefer the Mövenpick ovelooking the harbour.
The lack of mini-bar or somewhere to plug in a music player is pretty dissapointing though.
(, Tue 4 Feb 2014, 19:00, closed)

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 7:59, closed)
Lies on the internet, aylia.

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 9:28, closed)
Did you manage any free drinks at the bar?
The woman we talked to was great but my new friend didn't get what he felt he was owed.
If I wasn't such a loser I ,may have asked his daughter out.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 19:34, closed)

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