O HAI! AM IT COPIEPAEST TEIM?
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Profile for The Mock Turtle:

* a member for 7 years, 6 months and 19 days
* has posted 59 messages on the main board
* has posted 12 messages on the talk board
* has posted 73 messages on the links board
* (including 10 links)
* has posted 67 stories and 927 replies on question of the week
* They liked 59 pictures, 26 links, 2 talk posts, and 81 qotw answers. [RSS feed]
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Profile Info:

















































I'm just like Bart!
I'm Bart, who are you? by NoHomers.net







The Mock Turtle 13

Orf with their heads. 27












I am nerdier than 73% of all people. Are you a nerd? Click here to take the Nerd Test, get geeky images and jokes, and talk on the nerd forum!

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Hark! Who is that, prowling through the cliffs! It is The Mock Turtle, hands clutching buzzsaw hand extensions! And with a booming grunt, his voice cometh:

"I'm going to hump you for such a long time, you'll reincarnate as an X-file!!"

Find out!
Enter username:
Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys


Recent front page messages:


none

Best answers to questions:

» Tactless

At my mother-in-law's funeral
my wife called me 'tactless'. Well, I think she did...

I couldn't hear properly over my iPod.
(Fri 4th Nov 2011, 0:01, More)

» Bedroom Disasters

Meh 2
One night. Things were getting hot and I decided to sweep the covers off the bed and throw the Lady down for a rogering by the sneaky butcher.

It did not quite work out that way. Her cat was in the covers jumps up and claws my cock . I start swearing and yelling and bleeding. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her so the mangy fucker bites me on the thigh.

The Lady is hysterically laughing at my plight so i run out of the house get into my car and drive to A & E, while there they call the rozzers because they think I was trying to perform bestiality.

I told the rozzers my story. One of them just started laughing the other one was just like "Be more careful with your genitalia sir."

Worse night of my life.

Still not sure how that cat got it in one hit though. My dick is so small I need a pair of tweezers to jerk off.
__________________
(Thu 23rd Jun 2011, 18:55, More)

» Creepy!

This so called act was very disturbing and creepy to a young mind.


Why dear god? Why were they so popular?
(Tue 12th Apr 2011, 16:10, More)

» Fairgrounds, theme parks, circuses and carnivals

Talking of Dodgems
A friend of mine from a young age was obsessed with them, he had pictures of them on his wall and traveled for miles to spend hours on end riding them. I often wondered why his parents spent the time and money on such an obscure and dead end hobby.

As soon as my friend was sixteen he ran off and joined the fair and trained from a grease monkey up to dodgem controller.

One fateful day there was a nasty crash involving a little girl and an old lady , my friend got the blame (even though he was off that day) and was sacked. My friend came round crying to my house and asked how he could get his dream job back.

I suggested he sued them for fun-fare dismissal.
(Wed 15th Jun 2011, 14:16, More)

» The B3TA Detective Agency

Kill me.
SHERLOCK HOLMES AND THE MISSING LEMON



One day Sherlock Holmes and Watson sat down to enjoy their favourite lunch of fish and chips.

Just as they were about to tuck in, Holmes suddenly stood up and shouted.

"Watson stand up!"

Confused, Watson stood up.

"Watson! Drop your trousers!" he barked.

Worried, Watson loosened his belt and dropped his trousers.

"Watson! Bend over!" Holmes ordered.

Watson bent over.

Holmes then plucked the wedge of lemon from Watson's plate and shoved it straight up Watson's arse.

Watson screamed "In God's name Holmes, what on earth are you doing?"


To which Holmes calmly replied "A lemon-entry my dear Watson ... a

lemon-entry ..."


Cheers


This is all true and happened to me by the way, i was in the restaurant.
(Thu 13th Oct 2011, 13:07, More)
[read all their answers]
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 0:51, 1 reply)

Cheers.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 0:51, closed)

Mmmm
My own stalker.... Hello honey. *Waves*
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 8:29, closed)

I would post your profile Gvpyczjppcl:

but link to the picture of the transvestite emo on your profile is probably NSFW.

Whatever floats your boat
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 8:35, closed)

Welcome To My World

( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 9:07, closed)

:-)
I can take a lot of insults Legless but to be accused of being a /talker is a bit too far.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 9:11, closed)

See now, the cap seems to fit.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 7 Nov 2011, 9:17, closed)

You back again sexy.
You are the b3ta version of the spaccy, slightly weird kid at school that smells of piss.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 9:23, closed)

Least I haven't kacked my daks like you.
Yet.
Nyeeeeaaaaar!
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:49, closed)

:-~)

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:25, closed)

he's smiling ^
because he has no idea what you just said.
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Mon 7 Nov 2011, 15:13, closed)

Where I Grew Up

The worst thing you could ever have accused an adult male of being was a Leek-Slasher. Growing prize leeks was a major industry back in the day. Prizes went as far up as a car for a winning leek. So, some scum would actually raid their rivals allotments in the middle of the night and slash the best leeks. Coming up to Leek Show day, some blokes would actually sleep in their allotments to guard their precious leeks.

Being found out as a kiddie-fiddler would get you ostracised and occasionally beaten-up. Being found out as a leek-slasher could get you murdered.

So I feel your pain. Being accused of being a /talker when your demonstrably not is akin to someone calling me a leek-slasher....

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:25, closed)

"you're"

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:50, closed)

*kills self*

( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:00, closed)

sploosh.
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Mon 7 Nov 2011, 23:47, closed)

Thank you Legless.
I love leeks and anyone that slashes them deserves to be shot.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 13:12, closed)