I used to have a rubber shlong
that when you squeezed the hand pump the shlong would expand and the helmet would poke out of the foreskin.
At parties I would strap the shlong to my leg so the head was just inside my trouser cuff. I concealed the hand pump in my pocket and sat in the corner patiently waiting for some innocent girl to glance my way.
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Sun 17 May 2015, 15:43, 9 replies)

used to have a rubber shlong
that when you squeezed the hand pump the shlong would expand and the helmet would poke out of the foreskin.
At parties I would strap the shlong to my leg so the head was just inside my trouser cuff. I concealed the hand pump in my pocket and sat in the corner patiently waiting for some innocent girl to glance my way.
Am on the sex offenders register
(Roger McGough-Pipe, Sun 17 May 2015, 16:10, closed)

Did you go to medical school? If not, you would have been welcomed with arms.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sun 17 May 2015, 16:46, closed)

You mean shot?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 17 May 2015, 18:23, closed)

It's a culture of juvenile, sick semi alcohol dependency. It's great.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sun 17 May 2015, 18:35, closed)

I think that would have been considered a little tame. I heard a Bristol medic got into trouble for stealing the penis from his dissection cadaver, attaching it to a bit of string and then dangling it out the bottom of his trousers whilst out in public.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 18 May 2015, 14:19, closed)

Forever alone.

( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Sun 17 May 2015, 17:45, closed)

I said 'alone', but as the talented Mr Coxon said, I meant 'on the sex offenders register'.

( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Sun 17 May 2015, 18:14, closed)

I was just reading about you on cracked
www.cracked.com/personal-experiences-1636-5-things-i-learned-about-your-sex-life-as-porn-store-clerk.html

Then there are the people with much larger problems. Well, relatively speaking:

"I had a guy who would routinely put on a penis extender -- which I sold to him, by the way -- and let it hang out of the bottom of his short shorts as he walked around the store," Pam says. "You could tell he was trying to get a reaction, so I thought it was really funny to completely ignore it. The lengths (ha!) he would go to, to draw attention to it were amazing ... He would be standing there and like thrusting it at me, and I just kept talking to him and never looked down and you could tell he was getting so frustrated, like, 'MY DICK IS OUT. LOOK AT MY DICK."

Of course, that's technically sexual assault.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 18 May 2015, 14:19, closed)

It's not technically anything.
Any more than my girlfriend wearing a polycarbonate camel toe cup.

god save us from amateur lawyers.
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Mon 18 May 2015, 16:36, closed)