Things I have learnt through trying to fix my motorcycle
1. Once you disconnect the fuel line, switching the valve to 'on' does cover you in petrol.

2. Regardless of the deadly current/voltage involved, insulation tape will always do.

3. Engine oil tastes horrible.

4. Once you take most of the engine out, the rear wheel locks. So if you give up halfway through the job, you have to pick up the bike by its arse end and carry it into the garage.

5. You can get hernias from:
a. Using your thigh to push a spanner on a really stubborn bolt
b. Using your thigh to stop the bike falling on you
c. Using your thigh to kick the bike to 'teach the bloody thing a lesson'

6. If you want to 'know what that button does', refer to the Haynes manual first, rather than pressing it.

7. Fixing a bike is so ludicrously manly that for every hour of fixing a bike, you can take 20 minutes to mince around the house in a tutu singing "I'm a little teapot" and nobody can call you a shirt-lifter. Any longer and you probably like the cock

I never apologise for length. After all, the longer it is, the more torque I can get out of it.
(tarbin tarbis, tarbit, tarbamus, tarbimus, tarbant, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 10:05, 5 replies)

Point 7 is fantastic :D
and so earnt this *click*
( The magic of chutney Shakes it like an Instagram filter!, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 11:17, closed)

Point 7
Yes indeed it is, if it's done right.
(M61A1 CUPID- STUNTS, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 12:29, closed)

my uncle
bought a second hand kawa a few years ago that he got into his head he could fix up and ride. Given that he can't put in a lightbulb or rewire a plug I didn't hold out much hope. He ended up stripping the bike completely and littering the garden with parts until my gran told him off and threw the rusting piles of shit into the bin.
(Suddenly, zebras Safe and sound for eternity, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 15:29, closed)

prop / chain
You striek me as a man thats ridden a few prop-drivens
(TwinkleFuckingToes Has a ingrown toe nail, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 15:54, closed)

Sorry to disappoint you old boy
but it's my first bike, which is chain driven!

Still, plenty of time to remedy that.
(tarbin tarbis, tarbit, tarbamus, tarbimus, tarbant, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 13:47, closed)