Paper Round
Like most kids, when I hit age 13 I wanted to earn a little more pocket money, so my Mum promptly put me on the waiting list for a local paper round job.

I didn't have to wait long, and for about 2 years I would deliver the local rag to every house on our estate, including the outlying social housing (the scummy council houses) and a close that seemed to house an abundance of old people and fuck ups.

About a year into the round, one old man would always be waiting on his front porch to greet me when I arrived with his paper.

He was harmless really, an ugly bugger but harmless. Or so I thought…

Things started to get weird, when he would periodically have gifts waiting for me every week. A bag of sweets, the odd 50p, it felt weird but I gave him his paper, and politely accepted the gifts.

One Christmas when I delivered his paper, I was promptly chased up the road by one of his relations who had come to visit, and she handed me a crisp £5 note.

Again, given my age, I accepted it with a huge smile on my face and went about my business.

In the summer of the following year, I remember it was an unbearably hot Friday evening, and I was struggling with the round, I was wearing shorts and a sports vest.

The old man was waiting on his porch once again, only this time - he asked if I would like a cold drink.

Given the temperature - I couldn't refuse, and stupidly followed him into his house.

Looking back on this now, I don't know what I was thinking.

This frail old man who I would normally see sat outside - seemingly chairbound moved with swift purpose back passed me, and locked the front door.

"Do you want a fizzy orange or lemonade sweetheart" He said in a creepy tone.

"ummmmm, water would be fine thanks"

Sweetheart??? what the fuck?? I'm a guy.

He walked back passed me again and into the kitchen

I stood around for what seemed like ages, which is when I suddenly felt very very uncomfortable. I peered round the kitchen door to see what the hold up was, only to catch the old fucker taking his clothes off.

Shit….. I made a break for the front door - locked. I turned round still carrying what was left of my paper round bag. I noticed that his back door through the kitchen was open, and walked as fast as I could through the kitchen and out into his garden.

"GET OUT OF MY FUCKING GARDEN!!!!" he shouted.

I turned around to see him fumbling to put on the clothes he had just removed.

I threw my paper round bag over the fence, and promptly vaulted over it.

I ran so fucking hard, my heart smashing against my chest, the heat no longer bothering me. When I got home, I told my Mum what had transpired, and she promptly called the newsagent rep to tell her what happened.

For the following couple of weeks, I was taken off the paper round and my parents were visited by the police on a couple of occasions.

I never found out what the hell was going on - and only did a few more paper rounds before jacking it in.

I never saw the old man on his front porch again...
(Oobla, Tue 10 Apr 2012, 9:38, 10 replies)

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 10 Apr 2012, 9:44, closed)

this
made me lol
(Oobla, Tue 10 Apr 2012, 10:50, closed)

my thoughts exactly.

( skeltonator Needs some new daps., Tue 10 Apr 2012, 14:36, closed)

WTF?
Why did your Mum call the newsagents and not the police?
(thefuckestuppest cheapened this, on, Tue 10 Apr 2012, 9:54, closed)

Dunno really
I guess maybe it should be the employer's responsibility to check on things like this.

And maybe my Mum didn't quite grasp the gravity of what had happened.

Like I said, I was never told anything else, all I know is the police came round at least 2 times.
(Oobla, Tue 10 Apr 2012, 10:50, closed)

^^ Indeed!
I'd call the police straight away, if only to stop me from ventilating him with a shotgun blast.

Glad you followed your instinct so quickly!
( kila is reading clocks upside-down as usual, Tue 10 Apr 2012, 10:53, closed)

it was
really, really weird and horrible. Until your in a situation like that, it's impossible to know how your going to act. Especially at that age.

Now that I'm all grown up, I have a finer tuned sense for bad situations.

Thankfully, a situation like this is unlikely to be repeated - mainly cos I don't fall under the pedo-bait category.
(Oobla, Tue 10 Apr 2012, 13:17, closed)

To get their name in the paper?
PAPERBOY'S PAEDO HORROR, or some such. Calling the law was probably way down the list, to be done after they'd formed an angry mob, kicked down the old geezer's door, and burned him to death.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 10 Apr 2012, 11:14, closed)

rn/m

(speedevil, Tue 10 Apr 2012, 11:38, closed)

images.fanpop.com/images/image_uploads/Herbert-family-guy-684454_800_600.gif
(norfolkngood, Tue 10 Apr 2012, 17:42, closed)