My dad was a teacher
and was, back when it was legal, responsible for caning kids in his year.

His theory about punishment was that it was all about anticipation. The tough lads who got sent in weren't going to be scared of a little slap on the hand, so you had to use a bit of amateur dramatics to make it a more effective experience.

When someone got sent to his office by one of the other teachers for punching someone, or the like, he'd have one of the secretaries tell them to wait a minute as he'd gone to see Mr Burns at the other side of school to fetch the special cane. Knowing, now, that they were going to be caned, he'd let them stew for a bit while he had a cup of tea in the staffroom. Then, heading back to the room carrying an ominously large and knobbly looking cane, he'd say something like 'Ah, Kevin, you're here. Wait a few more minutes boy.'.

This brings us to stage two. He'd go into the office, and give the filing cabinet a good few 'practice whacks'. It made a hell of a clang, ensuring the kid outside was by now having visions of the caning being he sort of thing that happened to drunken sailors in Nelson's navy. He'd use this as the moment to shout 'Mrs. Griffiths - can you please make sure you've got some bandages in your desk just in case.'

Then, eventually, he'd invite the kid in. He'd sit on the edge of the desk with the cane in hand, and make them hold their hand out. Stage 3 was the worst. Rather than get it over with he'd lecture them for a good few minutes on their digressions, and emphasise how he hoped they'd understand that a serious offence warranted a serious punishment and it was for their own good. Quite often they'd be quaking by this point.

Finally, with a flourish, he would abruptly raise the cane, bellow, and bring it down on their palm with about as much force as someone half-heartedly swatting a fly. Then he told them to piss off and not do it again.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 7 Feb 2013, 13:53, 27 replies)

"If you get sent to Mr Rabbit's office,
look scared, and he won't cane you."

That said, most kids are pretty stupid.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 7 Feb 2013, 14:15, closed)

Especially
at his school
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 7 Feb 2013, 14:16, closed)

I blame
the teachers.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 7 Feb 2013, 14:20, closed)

If there's one thing
being raised by teachers taught me, it's that it's NEVER the teachers and ALWAYS the parents. Except when it is the teachers. But it's still mostly the parents, even then.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 7 Feb 2013, 14:33, closed)

SO true.
My wife sometimes wonders why a kid behaves like they do, she then invites the parents in for a chat. Inside of 2 minutes she'll know why, and it will all be down to the parents attitude.
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Thu 7 Feb 2013, 14:36, closed)

Bring them up like marines, I say.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 7 Feb 2013, 14:39, closed)

On a boat?
Under the ever-present threat of being sent to war?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 7 Feb 2013, 14:45, closed)

In a world of shit with easy access to light armament.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 7 Feb 2013, 14:52, closed)

+ VERY cheap beer.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 7 Feb 2013, 15:03, closed)

First time I ever had a drink
on a military base, and realised how cheap everything was, I went a bit crazy. It was about 35p for a single malt. I ended up blitzed on beer and Laphroaig (you have to be a bit pissed to be drinking Laphroaig) and when I woke up the next morning I'd only spent about a tenner.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 7 Feb 2013, 15:31, closed)

Yup.
Double = about 35p
Can of Coke = 70p
:/
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 7 Feb 2013, 15:40, closed)

Bollocks.
Laphroaig is lush.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 7 Feb 2013, 16:04, closed)

In the right context.
Sometimes, especially when I'm already tipsy, I love it. If I have a first drop of it for a while and aren't feeling brave enough to get past the initial reaction, though, it's like cough medicine.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 7 Feb 2013, 16:29, closed)

I forget, is Laphroiag the one that taste of bonfire?
It's good stuff.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 7 Feb 2013, 19:24, closed)

Yep
That's a pretty good description.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 7 Feb 2013, 19:52, closed)

I thought it was the one that tasted of burnt carpets

(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Thu 7 Feb 2013, 22:10, closed)

Laphroaig is expensive tramp fuel, Highland park is much nicer.
(Finster Ate a cat biscuit for a bet, Thu 7 Feb 2013, 23:52, closed)

I know someone
Who 'brings up' marines on a regular basis. Not sure if she'd be an effective deterrent for naughty kids tho.
(Mud the Far Car can and will, Thu 7 Feb 2013, 14:49, closed)

up off
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 7 Feb 2013, 15:02, closed)

brings wanks
(Mud the Far Car can and will, Thu 7 Feb 2013, 15:30, closed)

wanks bums
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 7 Feb 2013, 15:44, closed)

Wimp.
Put me in charge and I'd make EVERY school EXACTLY like the one at the start of the EXCELLENT Kurt Russell documentary Soldier.
:D
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 7 Feb 2013, 15:04, closed)

I want a personal trainer like the one he had making that.
He was 47 years old when he filmed that, FFS!
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Thu 7 Feb 2013, 16:21, closed)

He filmed it with a BROKEN FUCKING LEG too.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 7 Feb 2013, 16:26, closed)

Of the blokes
who used to cane me,
one is dead,
one has finally come out of prison,
and one (an abbot) is on the run, presumed hiding in the vatican...

( scepticalthoughts.blogspot.co.uk/2012/09/abbot-laurence-soper.html for the third one, most accounts of this particular dreg of humanity also include references to the second one)
( Boot I want to know what you meant, Thu 7 Feb 2013, 21:24, closed)

We had a head teacher who had no qualms about using the cane or a half metre wooden ruler, his little twist was to issue summons on the Monday assembly to miscreants who then had to go to his office for 3 or 6 on the arse, at a time of their choice before Friday at 3.10pm.
The real idiots used to put it off and stew all week, the less dim-witted went sooner to get it over with.
(Finster Ate a cat biscuit for a bet, Thu 7 Feb 2013, 23:34, closed)

A school not far from me
Many moons ago, one rather nasty male teacher had a habit of punishing kids by grabbing them by the shirt collar and pushing them from behind so that their forehead make sharp contact with the desk. Sadly, one lad he did it to promptly died . Suffice to say that was the end of his teaching career.
(Mackeson_drinker, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 11:19, closed)