Not in so many words.
Since the day she was conceived, my little loin-fruit has cost me.

Pregnancy tests - £6 for two (£5 for two more to be certain)

Folic acid supplements - £4 per week for 38 weeks. Apparently this provides essential nutrients for health foetal development. I was under the impression that the human race had been doing reasonably well without this for the last FOUR THOUSAND FUCKING YEARS.

A bigger house - £85k for one extra bedroom. At least I may be able to pick up a bargain if there's a 'next time', except this one would be worth fuck-all as well.

Nursery - £1000 for furniture, paint, lights, bedding, curtains and 'theme' teddy bears.

Nappies - £8 per week + £4 for baby wipes

Utilities - The heating was never turned off from Oct '06 until May '08 I'm currently paying £150 per month and still have a large debt with Npower.

Transport - Estimated £10 per week in petrol for her appointments, £120 for the second car seat £470 on 3 prams / push chairs. £70 for a bicycle 'piggyback' seat.

Food - extra £30 per week. My formerly-junk-food-scoffing spouse decided that our cherub should only have fresh organic foodstuffs.

Toys - 2x xmas @ £150ish 2x birthdays @ £100ish and generally £10 - £15 per week generally. Our house rivals fucking Toys 'r' Us.

Childcare - £40 per day, 5 days per week for the 'privilege' of going to work.

Clothes - I wouldn't even be able to put a number on this. We should have a disposable income of around £10k per year. I spend very little generally and buy clothes from my favourite boutique Mat-Alan only when essential. The rest all goes on her.





We called into the newsagent on the way home yesterday, so I could get the jobs paper (redundant end of November) and I let her choose some sweeties. She selected Jelly Babies (good choice!) and continued to pick up everything else within reach. When I dared to restrict her to a single packet of sugary goodness, she gave me 'the look'. There were no words forthcoming, but the eyes said, without a shred of doubt.....



"You fucking tight-arsed old cunt."

There's gratitude for you.
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Fri 24 Oct 2008, 15:38, 15 replies)

I think I read somewhere
that a new baby costs around 100K because of all those things. Surely that is an inflated number. If it isn't, I'm taking my 2 back to the hospital for a refund....even if they are a bit past the baby stage. I still have the receipts after all.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Fri 24 Oct 2008, 15:50, closed)

You cant put a price on babys.
Though its amusing to work out how much a child actually costs. Im sure she's worth every single penny and more :)
(Miggyman, Fri 24 Oct 2008, 16:03, closed)

She certainly is worth it and much much more.
I just love the way that I spend just about every spare penny on her, but I'm still a shitbag for restricting her to 'only' one packet of sweets - that day.
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Fri 24 Oct 2008, 16:20, closed)

I suggest
... giving her no bloody sweets that day. or possibly for a whole week.
(haberman is singing in the changes, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 14:17, closed)

I buy them
at £500 a hit from 3rd world countries.

I make about 20,000% profit selling the organs
(Halfy By light alone, Fri 24 Oct 2008, 19:24, closed)

hate to say this
but you can stop the folic acid at 12 weeks. Now stop complaining!
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Fri 24 Oct 2008, 17:09, closed)

...
Did she really call you a 'fucking tight arsed old cunt?'

I would never, ever, EVER talk to my father like that.
(oneltrchardonnay, Fri 24 Oct 2008, 17:28, closed)

She didn't actually say it
Just had the disappointed accusatory look, if you read.
(Sundayturkey has the biggest mug of tea, Fri 24 Oct 2008, 22:37, closed)

*spits coffee*
She's just turned two! If she actually said that, I'd have bigger problems than a packet of sweets!
Although, I would be rather proud if she could actually annunciate that little mouthful....
*pmsl*
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Fri 24 Oct 2008, 23:47, closed)

Four thousand years?
Are you a creationist?
( Bob Todd whee, Sat 25 Oct 2008, 11:47, closed)

That's what I thought...
...but he appears to understand irony perfectly well.
(misanthrope is so adjective he's verbing nouns!, Sat 25 Oct 2008, 15:15, closed)

Evolution
I'm Darwinian through and through, but I have a terrible memory and was too lazy to research the time that homo sapiens appeared to support a flippant comment.
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:02, closed)

You're doing it wrong
One word: eBay.

Car seats? Tenner a go.

Pushchair? Twenty quid, brand new.

Silver Cross coachbuilt pram? A hundred and twenty.

Complete set of One Life disposable nappies? Another hundred and twenty.

Mini Boden designer clothes? 10% of new prices.

Remember, babies evolved to grow up in caves or trampled down reeds. Practically NOTHING is needed.
(ubergeekian, Sun 26 Oct 2008, 17:46, closed)

Yet another good reason
not to breed.

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there's an upside - beautiful baby daughter, light of life/apple of eye, etc.

But I'd much prefer to buy the big house and pool table/cinema/bar, etc. These things won't give me guilt trips.
( gareth_alien will be human again at, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 12:38, closed)

How did people manage before central heating, fancy clothing boutiques and expensive disposable nappies?

Incidentally, pregnant women can get all the folic acid they need by just eating right. Green leafy vegetables are particularly good, particularly spinach.
(Seance Trumpet has got no beef with a man enjoying a croissant, Wed 29 Oct 2008, 13:51, closed)