Help women past you in the corridor at work
By patting them on the bum.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:38, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Make sure women don't over-work themselves
By only ever having them do menial tasks like making the tea and such-and-such.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:38, Reply)

Make women feel attractive
by complimenting them on their breasts.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:37, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Experience what sex will be like in the future
by having sex with your mother in law
(bunglist, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:18, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Change your name by deed poll to 'Cat Sanctuary'
Then watch the money roll in as dotty old people leave everything to you in their wills.
(bunglist, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:01, Reply)

get on TV
by having an amusing collection of folk poems
time-travelling back to the 1980s
and ringing up the producers of Nationwide
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Thu 9 Dec 2010, 3:48, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Home Delivery Network
Don't go through all the hassle of delivering a parcel when you can just nick what looks good and chuck the rest in a hedge.

Petition to stop Amazon using HDNL here: bit.ly/gCR4tT
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 8 Dec 2010, 21:58, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Running late?
Call your local talk radio station and report a fake car crash that's on your route. This is foolproof if your boss listens to that station.
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 20:06, 6 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

When wearing a cummerbund
Remember that the pleats should point up, not down.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 16:46, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Ugly girls, get your nose pierced and dress like a goth.
What have you got to lose?
(bunglist, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 16:33, Reply)

TV Tip
Want to pretend you're in a shit advert? Next time you withdraw money from a cash machine, give the screen a friendly smile and nod as you take the notes, even though it's not an actual fucking person.
(costas, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 14:55, Reply)

Having to raise an unwanted child?
Selling it to a paedophile ring will reduce the threat of abuse on children that people give a fuck about.
(bunglist, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 13:52, Reply)

Car broken down in the middle of the road?
Don't attempt to move it. Other road users will appreciate having a little rest before they have to drive on to their unimportant destination.
(bunglist, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 13:36, Reply)

Girls, Convince onlookers you've just had a breast enlargement,
by allowing all your friends to feel your tits.
(bunglist, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 13:32, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Driving to the supermarket?
Make sure you reverse into your parking bay, ensuring a quick getaway after scraping your trolley on someone elses car as you try and reach your boot.
(bunglist, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 13:24, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Mothers pushing double-width pushchairs down Oxford Street
No. Just ... no.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:38, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

A plastic pint glass full of pigs livers,
attached halfway down a scarecrow, makes a convincing Fearne Cotton love doll.
(bunglist, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 8:24, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

people who use LOL a lot
When typing or texting LOL or it's variants, actually laugh out loud. This way you'll realise how silly and redundant it is
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 1:14, 11 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Wikileaks site down?
Go here instead 213.251.145.96/
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 22:58, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Don't bother with bird-feeders
I saw tits in the garden so I got fat balls. and hung them from a hook.

But then they haven't come back. If birds want feeding, they can fuck right off the ungrateful feathery cunts.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 22:54, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Give your house that 'newly painted smell'
by opening a tin of Nitromors thinners and leaving it on a hot radiator for a few days
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Tue 7 Dec 2010, 20:08, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Apply the Febreze advert logic to other aspects of everyday life
If you have a stinky knob-end, 'wash it' with Lynx body spray
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Tue 7 Dec 2010, 20:05, Reply)

Book your Easter Hols now!
Flights will be cheap and it'll be slightly warm if you book for Southern Europe. Easter is the last weekend of April fyi.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:24, Reply)

Want to feel like a prince?
Dress up as a Nazi and question your parentage.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:09, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Want to feel like a prince?
Think about Kate Middleton while you have a wank.
(bunglist, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 13:56, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Are you and your friends at a loose end?
Why not all have a go at drawing what you think mohammed looks like, then take all your pictures to your local mosque to find out which is the most accurate.
(bunglist, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 13:55, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)