The Sun
Come out more so that all the newspapers feature pics of bikini-clad girls frolicking in the sea at Brighton and Bournemouth.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 11:40, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Enrage die hard Beatles fans
by insisting that the term 'The Fab Four' was actually coined to describe the Banana Splits. When they insist it was meant to be for John, Paul, George and Ringo, with your most patronising smile concede that it's understandable that they mistook Ringo for Bingo as they sound so alike.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Mon 27 Jun 2011, 11:27, 5 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Support the fur trade
thereby encouraging young, attractive female protesters to strip off to demonstrate they 'would rather go naked than wear fur'...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Sun 26 Jun 2011, 20:29, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

BBC Newsreaders
seamlessly segue from reports of rape/death/murder/genocide/England getting knocked out a major footballing tournament, by pausing, slowly raising a smile, then handing over to Daniel Corbett with the weather...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Sun 26 Jun 2011, 2:19, Reply)

Microsoft
Become more popular by making it easier to find the "Work properly" checkbox in Settings. I for one would love to have Vista and Windows 7 work smoothly without blue screens, annoying and incomprehensible error messages and the like making using a computer such a pain in the arse.
(eesnahk, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 23:45, 4 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

prince Harry
Pretend you are the son of prince Charles by having matching ginger hair and those normal sized ears he's famous for. Oh hang on....
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 20:28, Reply)

prevent custodial sentences
By not going on www.nakedchildren.com. I don't even know what that is, I'm too scared to click it....
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 20:26, Reply)

parents of Millie Dowler
Prevent wasted time by the police, search and rescue teams and the general public by calling her the fucking name you named and christened her.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 20:23, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Imagine you are Pippa Middleton
by having a perfectly normal, non-descript arse and an ugly face.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 18:26, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

pretend that you have been to royal ascot by getting drunk
and acting a right cunt
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 18:26, Reply)

pretend you are at royal ascot
by wearing a big hat
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 18:08, Reply)

Gravy makes ideal emergency blood
for overweight Jehovas witnesses
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 15:36, Reply)

To the makers of 'WIckes' one coat paint
the word you are looking for is 'twice'
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 15:33, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Cross dressers
Disguise your large feet by dressing up as a female clown.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 15:30, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Pretend you are Steven Hawking
by talking through a kazoo
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 15:28, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

black kittens stapled to your forehead make excelent replacement eyebrows for burn victims

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 12:46, 4 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Annoy hardcore gamers
by asking them if they any good at that game where you control an in-game paddle by moving it vertically across the left side of the screen, and compete against either a computer-controlled opponent or another player controlling a second paddle on the opposing side, using the paddles to hit a ball back and forth...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Sat 25 Jun 2011, 11:12, Reply)

make people think you are a detective
by having a wonkey eye and being dead
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 11:04, Reply)

Chapsticks make better dildos than penis lighters.

( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 2:28, Reply)

Make people think you are polish
by getting someone to rub you onto wooden surfaces with a yellow duster.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 19:53, Reply)

Two miniature chipolatas inserted into a pair of haggis, then nail-gunned to your chest
make fun and convincing lady titties for cross-dressing gentlemen.
( smokey bobinson westing by musket and sexton, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 19:00, Reply)

do you have a big black moustache ?
if so simply punch people in the face until they see stars and hey presto an all most perfect mario impression
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 17:52, Reply)

make people think you are polish
by having a job
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 17:09, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Make people think you're a detective by solving crimes
and wearing a fedora.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 16:57, Reply)

make people think you are a traveller
By living in a caravan and stealing things.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 16:50, Reply)

the rule of thumb does not aply to butchers

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 16:30, Reply)

anoy vagabond by jumping on his bandwagon

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 16:20, Reply)

make top tips more exciting by getting jigsaw to make it more interactive

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 15:38, Reply)

Annoy your 'online gaming' friends
by breaking into their houses, logging into their account and doing really badly on Call of Duty/World of Warcraft...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Fri 24 Jun 2011, 15:38, Reply)