How NOT to cut an avocado
Hold said avocado in one hand - avocado facing to the ground. Cut upwards, from beneath, with other hand. Preferably use a knife that is sharper than God. Cut deep and with vigour so that the knife boings off the stone in the middle and slices through your fingers instead.

Congratulations - you have successfully failed to cut an avocado properly. Please proceed immediately to A&E and spend the next 5hrs contemplating what a twat you are.

I'm going to risk "flaming" - or whatever the word is - and suggest that this is a injury common the female of the species.
(Mean Mad Mutski, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 13:47, 5 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

"aN injury common TO the female of the species".
Duh.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 14:27, Reply)

I stand by my original post
Threw thick and thin
(Mean Mad Mutski, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 15:18, Reply)

Frozen beefburgers
I was once in my student flat when there was a knock at the door and the beautiful girl from netx door was standing there sobbing with one hand dripping blood. She had been trying to separate two frozen beefburgers using a very sharp knife while holding the burgers in her hand. So i accompanied her to A&E and chatted to her for hours until they sewed her up. Every time she saw me after that she waved her hand at me. I told all my envious mates that was the hand she'd jerked me off with, and she just liked to keep remindng me.
(Smale is stuffed, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 21:39, Reply)

How prising apart beefburgers with a knife ever became a common cause of injuries, is beyond me.
Surely, any sane person just bangs them against the worktop?

You can add your own joke about banging your ladyfriend on the worktop. ;)
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 19:18, Reply)

I have a special avocado slicer, very sophisticated
Buggered if I know how it works though.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 14:23, Reply)